Outdoor wedding, Catholic groom

[Daisy93]

My best friend (non denominational) wants an outdoor wedding next year. Her fiancé is a non practicing Catholic. They have lived together for 1 year. I have spoken with a local priest as well as called in to EWTN open line about the situation and both have recommended that I talk with the both of them about the groom’s obligation to marry in the church and that this may be a perfect way to invite him back to the faith and give them a firm foundation to start their marriage. However, I have never spoken with my best friend about faith at all and I do not have a close relationship with the groom. I had dinner with them last night and tested the waters by bring up the subject (talking about my experience getting married in the church) but both of them got very uncomfortable so I abandoned ship. I want to approach this in a way that says how much I love them and at the same time communicates to them not only the groom’s obligation but the opportunity to start their life together with a sacramental foundation. I thought maybe writing a letter could be the way to go because it would allow them time to think and respond to the message as well as gives me time to develop what I’d like to say. Should I go back to trying a conversation again? What is the best way to do this?

 

[Salibi]

However, I have never spoken with my best friend about faith at all and I do not have a close relationship with the groom

While your sentiment is noble, it seems to be a bit misplaced. You’re saying you don’t know these people well enough to comfortably bring up the topic- and you shouldn’t, in this case. Since you’re best friends with one of the pair, you should talk to her (even if she isn’t Catholic) and explain to her that her lapsed Catholic husband should get married in the Church as per Church law. She herself, if she so desires, can then bring up the issue with the groom. She is his fiancée and should be able to get through.

At that point, your work is done. You did what you can, and you’re not obligated to do more. Nor should you. Following from what you said, you don’t know the groom well enough to have the “right” to bring up this conversation. Any attempt to do so might (rightly) be construed as overstepping your limits. Don’t put yourself in a position where the groom could coldly rebuff you. (I would have, were I in such a situation- sorry! )

 

[Legend]

While your intention is good, this is really for the groom’s family to bring up to the couple. Sometimes our place is just to let things be as they are. Of course, you should pray for them. With wedding plans coming up, they and their families have a lot on their plates, and may even resent anything they see as ‘interference’. So, hope and pray for the best!

 

[TheLittleLady]

Perhaps we have different definitions of what a “best friend” is. I can discuss anything in this universe with my best friend, she can do the same with me. To have a best friend where the two of you have never discussed faith, which is the most important thing in this world, speaks volumes about the nature of your relationship. With an intimate friendship comes the freedom and responsibility to talk about these things.

It seems you do not have that sort of relationship, so, attempting to instruct/advise needs to be left to the groom’s Catholic family, his Godparents, his priest, etc.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

As others have said, it’s their wedding; they want it outside, she’s not Catholic and it’s really not your place to push it. However - you could simply let them know that later on, if they decide to have kids and want the children Baptized, they can have a blessing ceremony in the church - and after that, their marriage will be sanctioned by the church and their little ones can be Baptized. (He may feel a pull to return to the church after a few years, as many do after they are married, after they have children or as they get to their mid-20’s.)

 

[dollysro]

Please remember, a convalidation is a request, not a guarantee.

 

[TheLittleLady]

they can have a blessing ceremony in the church - and after that, their marriage will be sanctioned by the church and their little ones can be Baptized.

Catholics may request permission to have an outdoor wedding. Some Dioceses/Ordinaries never approve, and at least one Diocese has a standing approval. This couple would do well to approach their Bishop with the request.

Those who enter invalid marriages may approach the Church and request to be married in the Church, to regularize their marriage. This is a real wedding, called a convalidation. Far more than walking up and asking for a blessing, the couple needs to complete marriage prep, etc.

Children can be baptized in the Church to parents in an irregular marriage IF the pastor has a well founded hope that the parents will raise their children in the Faith.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

Children can be baptized in the Church to parents in an irregular marriage IF the pastor has a well founded hope that the parents will raise their children in the Faith.

I know that. Basically I was doing a short, sweet, to the point version with a possible option, without getting all wordy as it’s not even the basis of her question.

Basically (to stay on topic) it’s not her call or her issue to harp on them. If her friend really wants an outdoor wedding and neither of them are practicing Catholics, then she needs to back off.

(And I’ve not found many (any, actually) priests that have been willing to Baptize a little one of parents not practicing Catholics, not members, and married outside the church. If you have, that’s great, but in 50 years I’ve yet to personally hear of one. They’ve all required getting remarried in the church, and becoming members of that parish before they would baptize the baby.)

 

[Elf01]

(And I’ve not found many (any, actually) priests that have been willing to Baptize a little one of parents not practicing Catholics, not members, and married outside the church. If you have, that’s great, but in 50 years I’ve yet to personally hear of one. They’ve all required getting remarried in the church, and becoming members of that parish before they would baptize the baby.)

I wish that was my experience. As far as I’m concerned there is not a well founded hope of a couple who married outside the Church raising children in the faith and, if I was a priest I’d require them to seperate or marry in the Church.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

there is not a well founded hope of a couple who married outside the Church raising children in the faith

… I feel horrible that perhaps we are hijacking the original post but I do want to say that right now (last 5 years now), outdoor weddings on farms, in decorated barns, all ‘rustic’ and outdoorsy is the biggest thing ever. “Nature” “rustic” “outdoors” “barn style” “farm house” are the trend so I can understand where the ‘bride’ is coming from (whether I agree or not is not what I’m saying) just that this is a huge fad right now and it’s all the brides are ‘seeing’ when planning their weddings so I get it. But again - this bride is NOT Catholic, doesn’t attend church and neither does her inactive groom… so I can see the pull for the outdoor wedding and why a wedding in the Catholic church isn’t on her radar.

It’s just not a ‘dream’ of most atheists, agnostics, or people of other faiths or just a general ‘Christian’ non-denominational to marry in the Catholic church.