Over-the-top compliment

  • Thread starter Thread starter on_the_hill
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
O

on_the_hill

Guest
A few days ago while I was walking in the hallway in the office building where I work, a woman I am only vaguely familiar with stopped me to ask about someone who had retired from our office. Then she gave me an over-the-top compliment on my appearance/attractiveness. In retrospect, if I were a woman and she were a man, it would be an easy case of one of those things a man can get in trouble for at work. It was significant enough that I haven’t mentioned it to my wife yet.

No, I don’t think the compliment was meant as anything other than a sincere comment, and I am sure it was not meant to lead to anything more. The woman and I have been passing each other in this building for over ten years and have had said virtually nothing more than “hello” to each other. I don’t know her name, what her job is, which office she works in, etc. I only know that she’s very friendly and greets enthusiastically everyone she meets.

So–do I tell my wife? Would you want your spouse to tell you? (male or female)
 
It probably doesn’t matter whether you tell your wife or not, since you don’t see this coworker that often. If it was someone with whom your wife had to interact with on a frequent basis (company picnic etc) then I would probably avoid letting your wife know that this woman at work finds you excessively attractive.
 
I’d tell my wife about it just to let her know she had better step up her game if she wants to keep me. Make with the foot rubs because some stranger lady in the copy room finds me adorable.

I wouldn’t make to much of it in all honesty. I had our office assistant tell me I could take her home and have my way with her and she would never tell my wife Come to find out she had made the exact same offer to just about every guy in the office at one point or another. You know how women are, what with their carnal natures they just can’t help themselves sometimes.
 
I would tell her. And I would want to know if something like this happened to my wife.

Whether the incident was objectively appropriate or not is irrelevant. It is bothering you, and therefore I think you owe it to your wife to let her know.

And although your wife won’t be happy about the incident itself, I think she will appreciate your openness and honesty, as well as sustain the trust in your relationship
 
Burt_Macklin said:
I’d tell my wife about it just to let her know she had better step up her game if she wants to keep me. Make with the foot rubs because some stranger lady in the copy room finds me adorable.
Click to expand...
😃

Seriously, I would, and have, told my wife about such situations. My wife does the same. A lot of the situations we’ve been in are funny, so we have a good laugh about them.
 
I would tell my wife, but we are pretty light hearted about things like this and neither feels threatened by such revelations. Would I want her to tell me? I guess, but I am not sure I have an expectation that she is obligated.

That being said, I have no problem with not sharing it if you think it would create an issue (believe it or not, sometime huge issues are created out of the most inconsequential things. I think some people just look for drama even where little/none exists.) This isn’t someone you or your wife will have much contact with so it has zero impact on anything. If this was your wife’s friend, your boss, or closer coworker then I think there is more of an obligation to share it with your wife.
 
Ah; the lady might just have felt awkward and flubbed making the compliment. I’d let it go unless it happens again. It’s not even worth mentioning; especially if it might worry your wife!

Women deal with this stuff all the time. 🙂 I would only mention a compliment to my husband if the complimenter made me feel awkward or I needed his advice on how to deal with a difficult situation.

If you are a married man; wear your ring and brook no nonsense but don’t worry about a compliment. If she compliments you again; tell her you take no credit and your wife buys your clothes (obviously; this will only work if your wife is Irish!) and that should sort it out.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
I’d tell my wife about it just to let her know she had better step up her game if she wants to keep me. Make with the foot rubs because some stranger lady in the copy room finds me adorable.
Click to expand...
Ha! If the Hubster tried that Codology with me; I’d give him a foot rub he’d not soon forget! :crutches:
 
If it was just a one time interacation with this woman, take the charitable route and assume she only meant to compliment you and nothing more.
Why on earth would you burden your wife with this? Nothing happened. If your wife tends to be a worrier, then she will worry unnecessarily every time you go to work. Let it go.
 
I’d tell my wife, and then we would laugh and laugh and laugh until we fell down and couldn’t breathe.

Seriously though, if I get hit on (which does happen sometimes) or she does(this happens sometimes too) we like to tell each other. Sometimes, when she is feeling down I consider paying the barrista at Starbucks to hit on her…:D:p;)
 
mrsjennymulhall said:
Ha! If the Hubster tried that Codology with me; I’d give him a foot rub he’d not soon forget! :crutches:
Click to expand...
I think they designed that emoticon just for your comment. 😛

With regards to the OP, I probably wouldn’t stress too much either way. I could see me telling my wife as in “Hey, hear this funny story!” But then I could see myself totally forgetting about it and not mentioning it.

If it happens again or starts to get weird, I would mention it. Otherwise, it’s probably not that big of a deal.

Though, I guess it depends on what you mean by “over-the-top”. If it was truly inappropriate, I would be more inclined to tell my wife.
 
I don’t know. Do you think it would upset your wife? If this kept happening I might but a one off? Not sure. I think you have to consider how it would make her feel, and how frequent this happened.
 
There are quite a few people who cannot give a moderate compliment, who use “fabulous,” “SO wonderful,” “to die for,” and so on with very little (if any) restraint. If you don’t know someone well enough to know whether their over-the-top compliment is a come-on or whether it is an expression of their fondness for superlatives, assume the latter until shown otherwise.

I would not take her compliment seriously. If someone makes a comment that you feel is too personal, however, simply respond with, “I beg your pardon?” If they do not understand that they’ve crossed a line, simply say, “I am sure you only meant to be kind, but since we are co-workers, I would rather you avoid making personal comments about my appearance.” Otherwise, if a compliment not unwelcome, you may simply say “thank you, it was kind of you to say so,” and let it pass without making any big deal of it. If the person tries to go on and on, just change the topic. One “thank you” is sufficient. If someone keeps making comments about your personal appearance when you have asked them to stop (or if they ever make comments at work that are overtly sexual in nature), then maybe it is time to start talking about “harassment.” It is better not to go there, if you really don’t feel the comments make your workplace hostile.

Should you tell your wife? Ask her if she wants to hear about it if some other woman compliments you. The “right answer” is between her and you. This is the kind of thing that couples decide on their own, without a universal right or wrong answer.
 
I don’t know. Do you think it would upset your wife? If this kept happening I might but a one off? Not sure. I think you have to consider how it would make her feel, and how frequent this happened.
 
petitfleur said:
I don’t know. Do you think it would upset your wife? If this kept happening I might but a one off? Not sure. I think you have to consider how it would make her feel, and how frequent this happened.
Click to expand...
One good reason to talk to his wife about the incident is that she might help him to decide how he feels about it. She knows him well and doesn’t work there, both pluses in debriefing on these things.
 
Burt_Macklin said:
I’d tell my wife about it just to let her know she had better step up her game if she wants to keep me. Make with the foot rubs because some stranger lady in the copy room finds me adorable.

I wouldn’t make to much of it in all honesty. I had our office assistant tell me I could take her home and have my way with her and she would never tell my wife Come to find out she had made the exact same offer to just about every guy in the office at one point or another. You know how women are, what with their carnal natures they just can’t help themselves sometimes.
Click to expand...
I am hoping that last sentence was tongue-in-cheek as you just generalized, isolated and slurred all women, Burt.

But I need to address the first paragraph. Not all women or men are the “step up your game” type. Some can get jealous or insecure and withdraw from affection. I would advise the OP to consider whether his wife is secure enough for such an exchange of information. If he tells her, he should let her know how uninterested he is in co-worker. If wife is light-hearted, a light joke started by her could be funny but trust me, the heart is deep and there might be wounds and vulnerabilities that are not easily laughed off.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top