Overcoming Jealousy

[Jacob21]

Hello all! I was debating on whether or not this should go in the family life or this forum, so if I’m wrong please feel free to move it.

So here’s the question. How can I overcome jealousy? I’m more or less talking about jealousy in a relationship. I’ve found myself to be an extremely jealous person. I never thought I’d be like this. I’m actually kind of shocked, and scared. My jealousy, and constant worrying has caused many fights between me and my sweetheart. Shes usually right, I am worrying too much, and my jealousy is causing problems. So here I am, looking for everyones advice. I honestly dont know what to do. I’ve been praying a lot! Are there any prayers for this? Jealousy and/or worrying? What are your experiences with this (if you dont mind sharing, if its personal Its ok!) Anyone have an wise advice, like you always do . Thank you so much, I will greatly appreciate this and may help save our relationship! God Bless this Holy Advent Season,
Jacob

 

[Trishie]

Words from Gerry Restrivera,

"In order to feel truly secure in a relationship, we must, first of all, feel good about ourselves. Feeling confident from within, allows us to project a positive image to others. It is important to really like ourselves, and to be able to recognize the talents and abilities we have been given, that make us unique. …

So often it is our own insecurities and fears that make us jealous. This often goes back to what we’ve experienced earlier in life. Were the people in our life dependable? Did mom and dad fight a lot, or leave each other? Was a former girlfriend or boyfriend unfaithful? Do we fear losing those we love? Do we lack self-esteem? Sometimes the problem may come from within, rather than from the other person. We need to try and determine why we feel threatened.

Jealousy is the fear of losing love. Are you fearful? Are you angry? Why? When you can identify the reasons, then you can begin to work on solutions. If prior life experiences have left you afraid of rejection or abandonment, you need to find healing. Counseling may be a solution, because often jealousy is a way to protect yourself from further pain and disappointment.

It’s never easy to overcome an emotion that seems to rise from the deepest, most secret places in our minds. In fact, most of us even deny its presence even when it’s the single, most overwhelming feeling we have at the moment. Strangely enough, some of us don’t even know it’s there. Some cases of jealousy are mild and brief but if you feel it’s a little too much, here are some ways you can use to handle your emotions:

Jealousy can only control you if you allow it, so you better not. It happens inside your mind and whatever goes in there is something you can stop.
Find the source of your feelings…Ask yourself why you feel that way. Why do you feel threatened? Is it because you feel inadequate? Victimized? Overlooked? Left out? Why do you feel powerless? What is it that you are scared of …?"

 

[IrishAm]

I think there are really only two basic causes of jealousy – (1) the behavior of the other person is not trustworthy, or (2) you feel inadequate about yourself.

So, I guess the first step is to figure out which of the categories is the heart of your jealousy.

One thing I know for sure, however, is that LOVE is not jealous (notice I didn’t say “never” jealous . . . even true lovers can get the green eyes once in a while ). Because love requires a total commitment of a worthy self to a worthy other . . .

 

[Trishie]

Words from Gerry Restrivera,

'Jealousy is often a gut instinct. When we are deeply in love with someone we realize just how valuable and wonderful that person is not only to us but to others around us. Sometimes, when we realize the flaws within ourselves it is only natural to get a little bit jealous in regards to our mate. Someone else may have more of their time and attention. Someone else may make them laugh more often then we do.

You cannot get jealous if you are truly in love with someone. But the key to being truly in love is the ability to love yourself. If you do not love yourself, you cannot give love to other people. It is time to step back and start accepting yourself for who you are. If you are secure with the person that you are it will be easier to not let jealousy enter into your relationship with your partner.

When jealousy strikes us it is important to look at our insecurities within the relationship. What are the things about the relationship that worry us? What are the things that we can change within ourselves? We have power over ourselves and the changes we make in our lives. We do not have the right or power to change someone else. They are not our moral responsibility. Use the jealousy to make yourself a better person and to strengthen your relationship.

Sometimes jealousy is a result of having been hurt in the present or past relationships. If one’s mate cheats, lies, sneaks or has secrets then trust issues have been seriously violated. When new circumstances arise and trust is already broken it is only natural to become jealous and insecure about the relationship. Love is not a one way street. You should not have to fight to keep the person that you love. If you cannot trust them, then perhaps you’re in a relationship of dependency and not love. Sit back and think about it and make the best choices. ’