Parent of a pregnant minor

[SpidersfromMars]

Few years after adopting him they were blessed with their own biological child and things went downhill from there. Lots of friction in their family. Finally, they decided to “return him”.

What?? You have got to be kidding me. How awful

 

[Xantippe]

All kinds of people adopt children. Some are wonderful parents and some are not, just like any other parents. Not every adoption is a successful one and some fail. I know of several unhappy adoptions. A friend of mine was adopted as a child. I met him when I was in junior high through a music program. He was a very good and very talented person. One day he suddenly disappeared. Later a common acquaintance told me that things were difficult between him and his adoptive parents. Few years after adopting him they were blessed with their own biological child and things went downhill from there. Lots of friction in their family. Finally, they decided to “return him”. I was never able to find him again. I know of another adoption in which two (now adult) children who were adopted as infants do not talk to their adoptive parents anymore or anybody else in the family. I understand these are extreme examples of things gone wrong and many of the adoptions are successful. Another friend who was adopted (by a single mother, curiously enough), was raised well and is doing fine. But bad things can and do happen in adoptive families. There are all kinds of people out there and just because they are able to pass a home study and jump through all the hoops does not mean that they will be better parents to your grandchild than your daughter and that your grandchild will be happier with them. I say this with all the respect to adoptive parents here - I know that many of you are wonderful and selfless and are providing loving homes for your children.

The point is that I agree with Xantippe - you cannot guarantee that your grandchild will be happy and loved in another home. Once the child is outside of your home, you have no influence on his or her happiness. I hope that you and your daughter will be able to figure out the best solution both for her and her child. I wish you the best.

Right.

There have been some particularly spectacular failures with international adoptions over the last few years. There have been so many bad cases with Russian kids that the Russian government has gotten really difficult with regard to adoptions. Having visited a Russian orphanage myself and knowing how many of those kids graduate to the street, I think that the adoption is a reasonable risk for those kids, but a lot of stupid, selfish, immature people with no common sense manage to adopt children (at least internationally). It’s a subject for a different thread, probably, but I could give lots of URLs on the subject (including one about international adoption families informally handing over adopted kids to near strangers when the adoptions aren’t successful or the one about the lady who put a 7-year-old alone on a plane back to Russia with a total stranger chosen from the internet (!) to pick him up and take him to the Russian authorities or the lady who filmed herself hotsaucing and cold showering a Russian adoptee and sent the video to Dr. Phil).

(I realize that domestic adoptions are more regulated, which is a good thing.)

A 15-year-old girl is not a great candidate for parenthood. But a 15-year-old girl who is 100% committed to the baby, with her family that is 100% committed to the baby–yes, that is a great candidate for raising a baby. Ideally, the girl’s parents are the sort of stable, loving, financially stable people that would make good adoptive parents. (But if the OP’s family isn’t stable, loving and financially stable, then maybe he’s right that adoption is better.)

 

[PhiloMed]

Why post on a public forum about a problem asking “What am I to do?” when one has already decided what one is going to do and argues with every opinion given that is different than their own?

 

[Xantippe]

Why post on a public forum about a problem asking “What am I to do?” when one has already decided what one is going to do and argues with every opinion given that is different than their own?

Yep.

 

[bstorm]

Why post on a public forum about a problem asking “What am I to do?” when one has already decided what one is going to do and argues with every opinion given that is different than their own?

To be fair, the OPs question is more along the lines of “how am I to persuade/force my teen daughter to adopt her child”. He is not really asking about whether the adoption is a good idea or not. Still, when you post on a public forum, you get the opinions of a public, whether you want to hear them or not. Judging by the length of the thread, lots of people have opinions on this topic.

 

[AClaire11]

To be fair, the OPs question is more along the lines of “how am I to persuade/force my teen daughter to adopt her child”. He is not really asking about whether the adoption is a good idea or not. Still, when you post on a public forum, you get the opinions of a public, whether you want to hear them or not. Judging by the length of the thread, lots of people have opinions on this topic.

Good point. Hopefully the actual tactics are more in line with persuasion than force. It’s easy to assume the worst.

I think that some really good advice has been offered on all sides of the adoption vs keeping the baby issue, but there have also been MANY uncharitable comments about the OP and his family. His words are a bit harsh because he’s in the middle of dealing with a crisis and also, I think, because some people here are attacking him and implying his parenting is abusive. If I came to a forum to ask for help and received angry, judgmental replies from people who knew next to nothing about my family, I’d get defensive, too.

JohnPhilip1972, I hope you and your daughter are able to arrive at a mutually agreed upon decision regarding her child.

 

[BillP]

What shocks me most in this thread is the very cavalier manner in which two of the parents here speak about their young, pregnant children. It really disturbs me. Clearly their real opinion of their children is that they are untrustworthy worthless pieces of garbage.

Yeah, that has struck me as well.

I’m also burning with curiosity to knew whether the two parents who are so disgusted by their children were virgins when they married… In short, were they “virtuous” or simply “lucky”?

 

[Millie123]

Yeah, that has struck me as well.

I’m also burning with curiosity to knew whether the two parents who are so disgusted by their children were virgins when they married… In short, were they “virtuous” or simply “lucky”?

May I ask why you are burning with curiosity to know this information? It’s none of your business frankly. And why would that information be relevant to teaching teenage children about chastity? Are couples who illicitly practiced premarital sex when they were younger no longer qualified to teach and expect their own children to live chastley? If they did commit the sin of premarital sex when they were younger should they sit idly by when they see their own children commit the same mortal sin? Again I don’t see why this information would be relevant to anything