Parenting and loving rebellious children

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Hi ! I am hoping to contact parents who have a teenager who has turned away from the Catholic Faith. I feel very lost and alone and well-meaning friends have told me that they feel my daughter is a bad influence on their daughters. My 16 year old daughter swears, drinks and is very pro-choice. It is so heart-breaking for me and my husband and for the life of me, I do not know why she has chosen this path as I have tried so hard to live my faith. Can anyone here relate?
 
I was really excited when I saw the title of this thread. I was hoping to get good advice! Unfortunately, my rebellious child is four, so probably not. I wish I had the answers. You have my sympathies and my prayers!
 
First of all, do not despair. Young people tend to be rebellious. Even you when you were 16 were not an ideal teenager probably. Pray for wisdom and patience and that the Holy Spirit can touch and guide her. Do not stop talking to her about God, even when teenagers swear and challenge, later they will reflect. They listen and remember more than you think. Statistically, it is a matter of time that this lifestyle of hers will get her into some trouble so be there to guide her away from it. As a practical matter, find out how she has access to alcohol at 16 and try to stop that. It is illegal so any action you take she cannot challenge that.
 
You can’t control her beliefs

As far as the drinking…who is providing her with the alcohol? This is highly illegal in the US. If you have it in your house you need to remove it. If someone is buying it for her, call the cops on them. Get her help for substance abuse.

As far as the swearing—it is reasonable to expect good language in your presance but don’t make a big deal out of it…it’s likely to get a rise out of you.
 
She may feel that you are overbearing in some way. Maybe she feels like you are imposing your religious beliefs on her. I would suggest considering backing off with regards to religion. Live your faith and be a shining example of all that entails, but don’t make it a topic of your conversation with her. If going to Sunday mass is a house rule, then so be it. She needs to follow the rules. But I wouldn’t push anymore religion on her than that. I say this from experience of being around many families with similar issues. People have a way of searching on their own, sometimes. They like to find the answers for themselves instead of having them delivered without seeking for them. I know parents have the best of intentions, but sometimes pushing your faith on to your kids has a way of backfiring.

Now the drinking and swearing are other issues, none which are related to religion. You need to set the boundaries and make sure she follows them. No negotiation. The minimum boundary should be illegal activity. Don’t tolerate it.

I am sorry the teenage years can be so hard.
 
Sounds like they are listening to influences other than you and your husband at this late date. Just look at who their teacher, friends, social media outlets and celebrities are and you’ll see source. That’s why vigilance on the part of parents in the early years of upbringing is so very important. Once those vital years are missed, recovery is quite hard.
 
Oh, how I wish I could go back to 4!! My daughter was absolutely compliant at 4! I will pray for you as well, each stage has its own difficulties!
 
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I can’t relate as this did not happen to our children. I saw it as a commonality though.

As a start, do not judge yourself too hard. It is difficult to change a person but usually there is a certain phase in a person’s life. Hopefully it will disappear as the years fly by.

Forgive me for saying this, but it is important to let a child/young people to know on what is wrong. There’s no compromise on that.

A father figure is important to stamp some authority in the family and to set certain rule.

Keep praying for her. God does change us in what we cannot do.

God bless.
 
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Have you tried explaining the pro-life position to her?

Also, drinking unsupervised at 16 is very dangerous. Honestly, if that were my kid, I’d not let her leave the house for anything other than school. If she wants to see friends, then they can visit her.

Also, this is coming from someone who’s been drinking since 17. But I only had alcohol at home with my family and my parents had no reason to suspect that I’d do something stupid with it. Teens need to learn that with freedom comes responsibility.
 
Lara said:
deep discussions are needed.
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Real, honest discussions, not lectures and threats and tears and “we did not raise you this way!”.

The atheism thing, it is very common today. Every parent needs to understand the new atheism (heard Dr Scott Hahn speak a decade ago and he was passionate that parents learn about the new atheism). It requires some education about philosophy, and that is new to a lot of us.

Author John C Wright’s conversion account is a place to start


He and a “YouTube” apologist who goes by the handle “Max Kolbe” have some very good talks available on You Tube.

I’d suggest you do some study, then, begin some dialogue with your daughter.

Sometimes it is as simple as Catholic kids have fundamentalist Protestant thinking and actually think that the Church and science &/or reason are incompatible.
 
Be willing to accept that your daughter may have different beliefs and values than you. At 16 she is growing into adulthood and has a mind of her own. Be respectful of that. If you aren’t, it will drive her further away.

Of course, being an atheist has nothing to do with swearing or drinking excessively. These issues are not related to religion, and need to be dealt with her head on. Unacceptable.
 
In regards to the drinking and swearing, it may well be her influences.

In regards to her pro-choice views, show her some practical, secular, pro-life resources.
 
I don’t think she’s able to hear a ‘religious’ argument but there are sound atheistic arguments against drinking, swearing, and sex for entertainment. Use logic that will work on her.

You can’t force a spiritual reawakening, but you can still guide her in the meantime.
 
Theo520 said:
I don’t think she’s able to hear a ‘religious’ argument but there are sound atheistic arguments against drinking, swearing, and sex for entertainment. Use logic that will work on her.

You can’t force a spiritual reawakening, but you can still guide her in the meantime.
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Best advice yet.
 
What is the context of her drinking?

Does she swear at you or just around you?

What does she think about the faith in general? Does she reject it entirely or is she ambivalent about it?
 
Have you had chance to sit down and have a conversation with her?
 
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