Parenting Methods

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I’m confused about what is the best method in order to train children to be the best adults possible. Our Fundamentalist Christian brothers and sisters have no doubts in their minds that spanking is effective. However, the secular experts are strongly against spanking. The only common ground I’ve found between the two are “love” and “consistency”. Does anybody have any thoughts on this issue? Can you recommend a good parenting book? I’m calling on all you wonderful traditional Catholic parents to lend me a hand.
 
Try Greg Popcak’s “Parenting With Grace”. I understand there is some controversy with his marriage book, but I found this to be an excellent book!
 
I really enjoy Dr. ray. He is on the radio and has a website. www.drray.com

He is into common sense and trusting your instinct. Plus, he is hilarious!
 
Jen,

I too enjoy Dr. Ray, at times. I believe he drives home an important point that parents need to set limits with their children. BUT, he does believe in spanking. Recently he described spanking his toddler for tantrums for a year. He said that eventually the behavior stopped. He used this example to drive home a point about consistency. But it took A YEAR OF SPANKINGS to change the behavior? I don’t know that it was the spankings that changed the behavior as much as it was merely time to mature! So, if someone is looking for information about discipling without spanking (which can be done), Dr. Ray is not the place.
 
I hate to be gender biased but I have 2 boys, and as a father, I think spanking is almost a necessity. Boys react to physical communication better than girls (on average); that’s just the way they seem to be wired. The behavoir of girls is entirely different from what I have observed.

One day I was at the supermarket coming out and two friends are there, one has 3 boys, who were basically acting like animals, runing around the car, out into the parking lot and the other had 2 girls, who were just watching, taking it all in, talking to each other. I just tell that story to illustrate the point that I beleive on a behavoral level, boys are much more difficult than girls on the average.

I have heard other behavior issues become more dominant in teenage years with girls but by then, you are past spanking anyway (well, hopefully mostly)
 
In my experience, I agree with Scanner by far that boys are much more of a behavioral issue than girls. My spouse has 2 sons and I have a daughter from previous marriages. The oldest son:ehh: is quiet but has made some bad decisions, while the second son:banghead: is more than a handful and has been so since he moved in with us 6 years ago, while my daughter:bounce: , who has always lived with us seems to be quite harminous, pure, and naive. Raising a blended family can be very difficult also. My mom, who raised 2 boys and 2 girls will say that raising boys was a lot easier. So I guess it just all depends. And I also think that spanking to a certain extent is necessary along with love and consistency. :love:
 
I second the book “Parenting With Grace”, I tend to use mostly natural “parenting methods”, meaning, I breastfeed my babies, feed my children whole foods as much as possible, have them sleep near me for as long as they need, hold them when they cry, yell when they do something dangerous, I trust my instincts with them as babies especially. As they get older, things get harder and I think it is very important to know some child development so that you don’t, for example, expect your breastfed infant to sleep through the night right away, or- expect your 11 month old to understand the meaning of “no”.

It is super important to be consistent, hands on (meaning don’t sit on the couch yelling for them to get away from the electrical outlet- but actually get up and physically re-direct them- by that I mean moving, not hitting), gentle, kind loving and understanding as our heavenly Father is with us. Patience, love, kindness, consistency, I think those are the basis of good parenting 😃 .
 
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daniellet:
Try Greg Popcak’s “Parenting With Grace”. I understand there is some controversy with his marriage book, but I found this to be an excellent book!
Click to expand...
I second this. Dr. Popcak’s book is AWESOME. If you want to raise peaceful, secure, loving, affection, Catholic children, this is how you do it. You can get it from his website…
exceptionalmarriages.com/book3.htm
…
daniellet
What is the contraversy you’ve heard about? I am curious as I have this book as well, and have read it several times now, and found nothing that should be problematic for a faithful Catholic. Just curious.
 
I enjoy listening to Dr. Ray, too, but since my oldest is not quite two we have had very little need to discipline! I really like how Dr. Ray points out that kids in general have too much stuff, and limiting materialism in a child will do a lifetime of good. we have tried to avoid the toy pile up and (so far) he shares very well, and I do compare him to my toddler niece and nephews and he is very good tempered!

I like Parenting with Grace, too, but we do not practice the family bed…though my baby was in bed with us most nights until he was 9 mos old, and I nap with my toddler now just to make sure we BOTH get sleep! Take everything with a grain of salt, and know that you may have to use different techniques with different children.

I would not rule out spanking, but I’d like it as a last resort. My father never spanked me but he’d reach for his belt and we’d stop and desist!!
 
Thanks to all of you who have replied. Your experience and knowledge will be helpful. Your responses have been an answer to prayers. God bless you!
 
There is a book “How to Raise Good Catholic Children” by Mary Reed Newland. Available through Leaflet Missal Company, www.leafletonline.com

For fun they also have “Celebrations and Traditions for Holidays, Feast Days & Every day” by Meredith Gould.

My two boys were so different tempermentaly. They are 26 and 22 now. Each child will react differently to punishment. My oldest responed best with removing him from the enviorment and talking to him quietly.:tiphat: The younger one, who is mentally retarded, needs physical restraining and lots of consistancy and has turned out to be a fun and gentle young man. :bounce:

I think that Dr. Laura also has some great reading listed at her web sight.

Enjoy.
 
Shiann, thanks for the thread link. It was very interesting.
 
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