Parents Above God?

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misericordie

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I am just curious because I have been guilty of it too, how many people have put thier parents above GOD? What I mean is, they are SO ATTACHED even in adult age(32) to their parents or mom that they don’t do their OWN life: marriage or PRIESTHOOD? These are the mama boys? What would you do in this situation, stayin living miserabally at home with dysfunctional parents, just to have them near, and seeking comforts, or as much as it may heart, finally leave home and the parents to ENJOY THEMSELVES or complain to themselves, in their own lives and marriage?
This is a big one for me: WHY on Earth am I so attached?? And when away from home worry and only think of my parents and home??? I need to break this sick cycle of co-depency, and THEY controling me too.
PLEASE HELP!!!
 
You don’t have to totally break all contact. Move to the other side of town, call once a day for 2 or 3 minutes to make sure everything is OK, then lead a life of your own. Develop friendships at work/church and start to socialize. Get involved and volunteer at your parish to take up the extra time. Do not allow mom/dad to pull you back, they need to move on too. Find things you like to do to fill your life and soon you will find you have broken the cycle of co-dependancy. 🙂
 
I would like to say that, I would never put anything or anybody above God. My #1 goal, not only mine but I hope everyone else’s goal is to get to Heaven. So, it’s good. I’m not saying that, you should feel guilty at all. Just pray for your parents, call them and say, I’m ok so that, they don’t have to worry. I know you’ll do fine
Anthony
 
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anthony81OR:
I would like to say that, I would never put anything or anybody above God. My #1 goal, not only mine but I hope everyone else’s goal is to get to Heaven. So, it’s good. I’m not saying that, you should feel guilty at all. Just pray for your parents, call them and say, I’m ok so that, they don’t have to worry. I know you’ll do fine
Anthony
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Thanks, anymore thoughts???
 
Misericordie,

It’s fine to be close to your family and attached to them. Believe me, I know. I actually moved back home after three years at a big state university and commuted to a local university until I finished my degree, partly because I wasn’t getting a quality education, but more because I was homesick and missed living somewhere that felt like a home. Now I’m married and out of my parents’ house, but we only live about 10 minutes away and I can stop by whenever I want (which is less and less often as DH and I set up our own home).

You need to ask yourself: do I think this is God’s plan for me, to not live my own life but to keep living under my parents’ thumbs? What is the worst thing that will happen if I move out and start my own life? Am I really responsible for my parents’ marriage, or is that between them and God?

Your parents love you and I know you love them, but their happiness and their marriage (however dysfunctional) should not depend on whether or not you live with them and bear the brunt of their problems. Actually, once you move out, you may find that they get along better and that you get along better with them both (this is what happened when I moved out of my parents’ house). You’ll hopefully develop an adult relationship with them, they won’t see you as a child that they still have to raise, and you’ll be able to enjoy your time with them without feeling like you have to be the peace-maker or solve all the problems.

I’m assuming you have the means to move out and into a small house or apartment. Do it. Realize that God takes care of your family as He takes care of you. Their house will not cave in on its foundation if you are not living there. If there are issues in their marriage, those are their issues, and it isn’t right or fair to make you feel responsible. I don’t know if you have a spiritual director or someone else you trust, but if you do you should probably ask them to help you through this. I’ll pray for you. I promise that once you get through the original struggles, starting your own life will be the best thing. God bless and best of luck.

Oh- one other thing. I’m pretty sure you’ve mentioned that you have a younger brother who also has a hard time. If you move into your own place, you will be creating a safe haven for your brother to visit when things at home are difficult. That’s not the only reason to move out, obviously, but it is an added bonus.
 
It seems a few things are going on which all may be interwoven.

Nothin wrong with living home with your parents, unless it is causing you/ them/ everyone in the house misery. You stated it was.

OK - you are also unhappy about your dating life. Well, if you are anxious or upset with your home life, how can you just shrugg that off when you are on a date, or when you do meet an interesting woman?

When someone is happy and peaceful, it radiates to all parts of their life, and conversely misery does as well.

Like others have suggested, if you have the means to move, then maybe it’s worth a shot. Home is ALWAYS there to come back too.
 
I agree…

also… a good example of God before parents is

A man or woman who tells their wealthy parents(s) that they are considering the Religious life… the parent threatens to cut them out of an inheritance… a child is OBLIGATED to follow thru with their call to God…even at the cost of disinheritance…and EVEN if that parent (wealthy or not) threatens to NEVER speak with them again…in that case as hard as it may be… it must be SO LONG FAMILY…was good knowin’ ya!
 
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SeekerJen:
Misericordie,

It’s fine to be close to your family and attached to them. Believe me, I know. I actually moved back home after three years at a big state university and commuted to a local university until I finished my degree, partly because I wasn’t getting a quality education, but more because I was homesick and missed living somewhere that felt like a home. Now I’m married and out of my parents’ house, but we only live about 10 minutes away and I can stop by whenever I want (which is less and less often as DH and I set up our own home).

You need to ask yourself: do I think this is God’s plan for me, to not live my own life but to keep living under my parents’ thumbs? What is the worst thing that will happen if I move out and start my own life? Am I really responsible for my parents’ marriage, or is that between them and God?

Your parents love you and I know you love them, but their happiness and their marriage (however dysfunctional) should not depend on whether or not you live with them and bear the brunt of their problems. Actually, once you move out, you may find that they get along better and that you get along better with them both (this is what happened when I moved out of my parents’ house). You’ll hopefully develop an adult relationship with them, they won’t see you as a child that they still have to raise, and you’ll be able to enjoy your time with them without feeling like you have to be the peace-maker or solve all the problems.

I’m assuming you have the means to move out and into a small house or apartment. Do it. Realize that God takes care of your family as He takes care of you. Their house will not cave in on its foundation if you are not living there. If there are issues in their marriage, those are their issues, and it isn’t right or fair to make you feel responsible. I don’t know if you have a spiritual director or someone else you trust, but if you do you should probably ask them to help you through this. I’ll pray for you. I promise that once you get through the original struggles, starting your own life will be the best thing. God bless and best of luck.

Oh- one other thing. I’m pretty sure you’ve mentioned that you have a younger brother who also has a hard time. If you move into your own place, you will be creating a safe haven for your brother to visit when things at home are difficult. That’s not the only reason to move out, obviously, but it is an added bonus.
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The VERY best advice yet, actually come next July, I will be leaving to SEEK admittance into a seminary somewhere in the world. My parent’s relationship will probably improve since I won’t be their problem solver any longer. Good bye family, love ya, but: June/July 2005, I am OUT! To do what I was created for: SERVE GOD as a PRIEST!!! EVERYONE PLEASE! PRAY I WILL BE ACCEPTED INTO THE PRIESTHOOD and then that I won’t be homesick and will perservere in my VOCATION. I am sure the devil will try everything to get me from following through with that.
Can everyone who reads this PLEASE pray for me and my VOCATION!!! AND PEACE at home. Saint Micheal, guard the doors to this apartment and all windows from all demons of arguments, strife, division, fear and anger.
 
Miseri,

I am really confused by your last post. You suddenly feel called to the priesthood? What about the parish secretary you were so hoping to ask out last week??? And, why are you waiting until next summer to “leave and seek out” a seminary somewhere in the world? That isn’t exactly how the process goes for a future archdiocesan priest, either, but…

Do you have a spiritual director? Does your archdiocese have a vocations director? They can help you with the process. Please consider getting some guidance from a priest or reputable Catholic therapist that can help guide your discernment process.
 
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Princess_Abby:
Miseri,

I am really confused by your last post. You suddenly feel called to the priesthood? What about the parish secretary you were so hoping to ask out last week??? And, why are you waiting until next summer to “leave and seek out” a seminary somewhere in the world? That isn’t exactly how the process goes for a future archdiocesan priest, either, but…

Do you have a spiritual director? Does your archdiocese have a vocations director? They can help you with the process. Please consider getting some guidance from a priest or reputable Catholic therapist that can help guide your discernment process.
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With all due respect your statement seems to be a little intrusive and beyond adecuate boundaries.
A SINGLE guy who has NOT made any formal application into any seminary system yet, I beleive can actually date (if you are curious I am not, have not actually DATED since 1996) and oh yes, can feel attracted to the opposite sex. Actually, I know from what priests have told me that a guy is seen as SUSPECT if he states in his admissions to the priesthood application that he is not nor never has been interested in women. Hence, I never said I was either going to marry, nor actually date(though I did say she was very decent and attractive) the parish secretary. However, since we are both legal adults over the ahe of 21, I could date her if she and I both agreed. No, I have NOT asked her yet, but may, while at the same time continue to remain open to the posibility that God may be EITHER!!! OR calling me to the priesthood.
ONE thing is sure, if I and solely I with God’s grace decide on the priesthood, of course it will be with all my heart, and dedicated soley to GOD. Hence, it has to be a solid, VERY rigid and orthodox seminary, and hence it will not be in the USA. As for spiritual direction I have one a priest for 40 years, Ph.D, M.Div, and from a major well known religious order. In dicernment one MUST!!! Remain open to either avenues: married life, single life, consecrated life/priesthood. By closing myself to ever, ever looking at a woman or even going out for coffee with her, BEFORE I have even decided to apply to the priesthood, is very unhealthy, and makes it seem that guys go into the priesthood because they are afraid to date. ONE YEAR: TES: My time-limit to see where God may lead me (as Augustine) despite being unworthy. And who ever said I was applying to ANY DIOCESAN priesthood? So these liberal USA Bishops won’t let me be faithful to the VATICAN?? NO WAY!! A PONTIFICALLY approved religious order is more like it, with its own consitutions and faithfulness to ROME.
Blessings.
 
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misericordie:
The VERY best advice yet, actually come next July, I will be leaving to SEEK admittance into a seminary somewhere in the world. My parent’s relationship will probably improve since I won’t be their problem solver any longer. Good bye family, love ya, but: June/July 2005, I am OUT! To do what I was created for: SERVE GOD as a PRIEST!!! EVERYONE PLEASE! PRAY I WILL BE ACCEPTED INTO THE PRIESTHOOD and then that I won’t be homesick and will perservere in my VOCATION. I am sure the devil will try everything to get me from following through with that.
Can everyone who reads this PLEASE pray for me and my VOCATION!!! AND PEACE at home. Saint Micheal, guard the doors to this apartment and all windows from all demons of arguments, strife, division, fear and anger.
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Misericordie,

I think it’s great that you have a plan. I would suggest however that you move out before next July, for two reasons. One: if you’re still in your parents’ home for the next year, likely nothing will change. You will still be the peace-making child, they will still expect you to obey the same rules as you did when a teenager and to solve their problems. Quite likely you will fall into the rut of feeling unable to leave, and then you won’t leave because it’s easier (although not better) to stay with what is familiar and what you know you can handle.

Two, you’re worried about possibly being homesick when you leave for seminary. If you move out of the house and into your own place near your family before entering a seminary, it will make that transition a lot easier. I don’t know what your personal means are. If you can’t afford a small place by yourself, see if a friend will room with you for a year. I really think it will make it easier on you both in discerning and following through with your vocation.

I wish you all the best in discerning your vocation. I will continue to pray for you.
 
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SeekerJen:
Misericordie,

I think it’s great that you have a plan. I would suggest however that you move out before next July, for two reasons. One: if you’re still in your parents’ home for the next year, likely nothing will change. You will still be the peace-making child, they will still expect you to obey the same rules as you did when a teenager and to solve their problems. Quite likely you will fall into the rut of feeling unable to leave, and then you won’t leave because it’s easier (although not better) to stay with what is familiar and what you know you can handle.

Two, you’re worried about possibly being homesick when you leave for seminary. If you move out of the house and into your own place near your family before entering a seminary, it will make that transition a lot easier. I don’t know what your personal means are. If you can’t afford a small place by yourself, see if a friend will room with you for a year. I really think it will make it easier on you both in discerning and following through with your vocation.

I wish you all the best in discerning your vocation. I will continue to pray for you.
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This is THE BEST advice I got on this yet. Very caring, and humble. Charity filled.
You are right, please continue to pray for me, that all demons of fear, uncertainty etc. may disappear from my life so I will do what I was born to do and the VOCATION for which I was born to live in the service of Church and others in future holiness.
MANY Blessings, thanks.
 
Misery,

Not sure what provoked such a defensive reply. Regardless, you have my prayers. I was merely pointing out that your posts seem to indicate a lot of differing thoughts concerning your vocation. Now, however, you indicate that you are merely in the discernment process. Best of luck.

Abby
 
This whole idea of ‘must get outta the house because Im such and such an age’ must be a north american thing. Doesn’t seem to happen anywhere else. Any suggestions why this is?
 
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Princess_Abby:
Misery,

Not sure what provoked such a defensive reply. Regardless, you have my prayers. I was merely pointing out that your posts seem to indicate a lot of differing thoughts concerning your vocation. Now, however, you indicate that you are merely in the discernment process. Best of luck.

Abby
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Thnaks for your prayers. By the way, PLEASE don’t refer to be as “misery” I am Misericordie. I beleive we are all mature here?
 
your guess is as good as mine.

p.s. that was honestly a type-o. usually i call you “miseri” (as do others, and you can look back at other posts of mine to double check) but i pronounce it “misery” when i am writing it i posted that last comment of mine at about 2am, and i was very tired. i didn’t mean to offend whatsoever. my apologies!
 
Miseri,

I wish you well in discerning your future.

I have to concur with the others and say that getting a place of your own would be a good way to help you along that path.

I think that you need to figure out who YOU, Miseri, are outside the orbit of your parents influence and dependence on you.
Otherwise you might get to seminary and discover that you have substituted one parental setting for another and still feel that hunger and longing in your soul for that elusive “something”.

Perhaps getting out on your own and getting your sealegs, so to speak, will help you feel strong and you will be all the more receptive to hearing God’s plan for you. I worry that, with all the other stuff going on in your house, the message might be diluted or you might be hearing things that aren’t there–this could apply to a calling to marriage or the priesthood, equally.

GOOD LUCK to you. What a momentous decision to be making! Either way…feeling yourself pulled to be a husband or a priest…this is a big deal and not one to take lightly. They are both such important jobs and they both need GOOD men to carry them out!

Carrie
 
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carrieloon:
Miseri,

I wish you well in discerning your future.

I have to concur with the others and say that getting a place of your own would be a good way to help you along that path.

I think that you need to figure out who YOU, Miseri, are outside the orbit of your parents influence and dependence on you.
Otherwise you might get to seminary and discover that you have substituted one parental setting for another and still feel that hunger and longing in your soul for that elusive “something”.

Perhaps getting out on your own and getting your sealegs, so to speak, will help you feel strong and you will be all the more receptive to hearing God’s plan for you. I worry that, with all the other stuff going on in your house, the message might be diluted or you might be hearing things that aren’t there–this could apply to a calling to marriage or the priesthood, equally.

GOOD LUCK to you. What a momentous decision to be making! Either way…feeling yourself pulled to be a husband or a priest…this is a big deal and not one to take lightly. They are both such important jobs and they both need GOOD men to carry them out!

Carrie
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Thank you for such caring and great advice full of wisdom and respect. You know, you are so right here. Especially about the finding out who I miseri is, out of the influence and atmosphere of parents(as good as they may be). I don’t wan to feel that “longing” for something missing or the emptiness if I do enter a seminary. I want any longings or worries,etc. to be filled ONLY by GOD and the Blessed Mother.
Can you please pray for me?? Thank you with all my heart.
 
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