Parents and Children

[bunnynessuk]

I have wrote before about the abuse I suffered as a child and a teenager at the hands of my adoptive father, I am now due to marry (in approx 18mths) with the hope of starting a family (I have some gynae problems - I believe the abuse to be partly to blame!) and we will not be practicing NFP (or ABC) from the get go with the hope of god guiding us to a family of our own or adopting - either way we would definatley like children. My fear is that my mother is unlikely to ever know of the abuse but I do not want to leave my children in their care without my supervision - no overnights, holidays or day visits etc. I realise that my having children is a way of but my h2b and I would definatley like to have a least one child before we are 25 (we are now 20) and I am concerned as to how I will tackle this situation.

I am questioning it today because my mother (jokingly) told me I should have children right now so that she could look after them! My fiance has made his position clear to me and he will not allow our children to be in their care. I don’t want to lul my mum into thinking she will be able to look after my children but I want to avoid rows too!!

Its sort of a catch 22!

Any advice would be welcomed!!!

 

[KCT]

I wouldn’t even worry about it until you actually have kids and they’re old enough to be left w/ someone. Don’t tell your mom you will or won’t leave kids in her care. Change the subject.

If you’ve got a wedding to plan, don’t start fights about things that are years away. IMHO. ----KCT

 

[1ke]

(1) I suggest you learn NFP to help you achieve pregnancy if you have female problems. NFP is not only for avoiding.

(2) You are not doing anyone in the family a favor by keeping the secret of the abuse, and “avoiding a row” is not a good reason to keep this hidden. That is what abusers rely on-- the abused keeping their secret. I would not lie to my mother, I would tell her the truth when the time came, otherwise she will be hurt & confused (provided she truly did not know of the abuse and was not complicit in it). Your FH is absolutely right to insist no children are in their supervision.

(3) I hope you have gotten therapy for your former abuse. Is it too late to go to the authorities and press charges? I would, but that’s me.