Parents and Vocation

[Frank_Roman]

I need your help!

I am almost certain that God is calling me to be a priest, and possibly a Franciscan.

I told my Dad (who is Jewish) on Oct. 4. He responded much better than I expected. He did’t understand the desire, he told me about the greatest blessings in his life (myself and my sister) and that he didn’t want me to miss out on that, but he would always love and support me. He asked if he could talk to mom (who is Catholic) about it, or did I want to talk to her first. I chose to talk to her myself.

She didn’t respond well. In addition to crying, her response is that I am too young to be considering such a life long commitment. I chose bad timing (grandparents came over to visit right after I told her) and over the past weeks we haven’t sat down and spoken about it. There have been occasional veiled references in conversation that no one else got, but I did. She is certainly not encouraging me.

My game plan had been to go to a Catholic College. (im in 12th grade) Perhaps the pre-theo program at Franciscan University. My parents would probably prefer I stay away from Catholic school all together.

What should I do now? What can I say to my mom? Any moms out there, I ask for your help especially.

 

[Forest-Pine]

Your biggest selling point: the decision to become a priest isn’t made until after you get your bachelor’s and not accepted until several years later. I believe you are looking at a minimum of 6-8 years of training. You sell that you are not sure, but you are going to focus on getting your education taken care of first before committing yourself to such a permanent decision.

Of course, your degree will be helpful if you decide to marry. It will help you in the secular world. You can get a Master’s in any field, not necessarily what the Bachelor’s is in. You are covering all your bases, this way, see?

Your parents see you as young with your entire life ahead of you. They do not want to see you “throw it away” in your youth. Many who are discerning marriage have a similar issue. But you have the built in weapon of time. That is exactly what they want to hear, too. They want to hear that you will get your education, that you will give it time, that you aren’t deciding this today. By the time that you are actually entering seminary, you will be older, a little more mature, and not dependent on them for basic necessities, either.

Just pick your battles carefully. You can be honest with all I’ve said above. You do have to get your degree as the first step to the priesthood, so focus first on that. Then everyone is happy. For now, at least!

You might also want to talk with a vocations director in your diocese at some point in time if it won’t cause too many problems at home. You could easily wait until next year when you are in college and have more free time away from home before doing so.

 

[cyprian]

Forest-Pine:

Your biggest selling point: the decision to become a priest isn’t made until after you get your bachelor’s and not accepted until several years later. I believe you are looking at a minimum of 6-8 years of training. You sell that you are not sure, but you are going to focus on getting your education taken care of first before committing yourself to such a permanent decision.

Of course, your degree will be helpful if you decide to marry. It will help you in the secular world. You can get a Master’s in any field, not necessarily what the Bachelor’s is in. You are covering all your bases, this way, see?

Your parents see you as young with your entire life ahead of you. They do not want to see you “throw it away” in your youth. Many who are discerning marriage have a similar issue. But you have the built in weapon of time. That is exactly what they want to hear, too. They want to hear that you will get your education, that you will give it time, that you aren’t deciding this today. By the time that you are actually entering seminary, you will be older, a little more mature, and not dependent on them for basic necessities, either.

Just pick your battles carefully. You can be honest with all I’ve said above. You do have to get your degree as the first step to the priesthood, so focus first on that. Then everyone is happy. For now, at least!

You might also want to talk with a vocations director in your diocese at some point in time if it won’t cause too many problems at home. You could easily wait until next year when you are in college and have more free time away from home before doing so.

Baloney, focus on the call first with the education being in support of that call. Your family will love you forever so don’t fret. If you wind up not becoming a priest then you have an awesome education. You coulden’t pick a better college than Franciscan. Your folks will support you, it just may take time. Have courage, find a spiritual director and a vocation’s director. Ultimately we sacrifice all for God, nothing, no one should hinder this.

Peace and Love and Go For It!!

 

[Forest-Pine]

cyprian:

Baloney, focus on the call first with the education being in support of that call. Your family will love you forever so don’t fret. If you wind up not becoming a priest then you have an awesome education. You coulden’t pick a better college than Franciscan. Your folks will support you, it just may take time. Have courage, find a spiritual director and a vocation’s director. Ultimately we sacrifice all for God, nothing, no one should hinder this.

Peace and Love and Go For It!!

I think I need to clarify what I said. I am not in the least arguing setting aside your discernment to the priesthood. I am saying the same thing as Cyprian: get started now. When I said “focus on…” I meant it in the context of how to talk about it with your parents. When talking to them, focus your conversation on the fact that you are looking into the priesthood, but for now you are focusing on getting your education. Of course, the reason you are focusing on getting your education is because it is the first step to priesthood, a journey you are on. You would also need to be doing other necessary steps. Discernment. Conversing with a spiritual director and a vocations director. Taking the right set of courses. Do all this, too. But don’t rub it in your parent’s face.

Of course, your parents SHOULD support you and love you forever. There is no guarantee that they will, though. If you have to give up your family in order to serve the Lord, then it will be difficult, but if that’s what God wants you will do it (I hope). However, I don’t think that is the situation we are looking at. Your parents have normal fears. They had hopes and dreams and visions of your life that they’ve wished for you since you were forming in your mother’s womb, possibly even before. They take such pride in you and your sister and receive so much joy from you and each other that they wish this same joy for you. They can not comprehend that you, at what? 18? “know better” than they do. This will be easier for them to accept as time wears on. And you are in luck because time is exactly what you have. You won’t be taking vows for 6-8 years minimum.

My point is that you will have to get your degree. Period. So that is about 4 years there that you have to work on your parents. Use that to your advantage! You don’t have to hit them with it all at once. You can set off on the track for priesthood, mention it once in a while to warm them up to the idea, like that you ate dinner with the bishop or heard a great homily and really respected the priest who was there caring for all the parishioners, etc, but also mention how you are doing normal college things like having a pizza party or a cram session or going out to the beach with the guys or whatever. As they see you grow into a mature young man, and realize that you have had the life experience and still wish to make this decision, it will be easier for them to accept hopefully. And if not, you have had 4 years of relative peace and happiness with your family instead of 4 years of tenseness and pain, which were pointless and avoidable.

So, to clarify, my previous post was specifically on how to approach the subject in light of your parents and their objection. They want to hear that you are going to go to college and concentrate on that right now. Well, to become a priest, that is exactly what you are going to do! So say so to them. “I’m going to focus on getting through school right now, and we’ll see where I am in four years.” Then they’ll be more likely to be in favor of the Catholic school, too. But don’t just drop the subject for four years. Use the time to slowly soften them to the idea. Show them that you are becoming a grown man through your words and actions. Then they’ll come to respect you and your decision.

I hope I didn’t just make this more confusing!

 

[blourdes]

Frank, Don’t worry your Mom will come around!! I know from experience. My son is 18 and a Sr. in high school. He too wants to become a priest. He is discerning the Benedictine order. He has known he has had a calling since 1st grade. I was very concerned at first, because he never wanted to go out and be with other teenagers his own age. A very dear Franciscan Sister friend of mine told me that maybe the Lord is keeping him pure. That changed all my thinking around.

My son was an example for me when he attends Mass. watching him pray is a gift. He brought me to a deeper understanding in my faith. Give it time Mom will come around. I sure did in a BIG way! God Bless You and the Franciscans are very near and dear to my heart!

 

[Jenlyn]

Your Dad offered to talk to her. Take him up on the offer. Make sure he knows the “why” of your desire to be a priest first.

 

[mercygate]

Frank Roman:

I need your help!

I am almost certain that God is calling me to be a priest, and possibly a Franciscan.

I told my Dad (who is Jewish) on Oct. 4. He responded much better than I expected. He did’t understand the desire, he told me about the greatest blessings in his life (myself and my sister) and that he didn’t want me to miss out on that, but he would always love and support me. He asked if he could talk to mom (who is Catholic) about it, or did I want to talk to her first. I chose to talk to her myself.

She didn’t respond well. In addition to crying, her response is that I am too young to be considering such a life long commitment. I chose bad timing (grandparents came over to visit right after I told her) and over the past weeks we haven’t sat down and spoken about it. There have been occasional veiled references in conversation that no one else got, but I did. She is certainly not encouraging me.

My game plan had been to go to a Catholic College. (im in 12th grade) Perhaps the pre-theo program at Franciscan University. My parents would probably prefer I stay away from Catholic school all together.

What should I do now? What can I say to my mom? Any moms out there, I ask for your help especially.

Number one: Talk to your pastor and the Franciscan community you are thinking of approaching. Get yourself on their radar and into the “system.”

Number two: Whatever you do, stay out of debt! Let me repeat that: **STAY OUT OF DEBT! **Many vocations are derailed by college debt – this is particularly true of vocations to Relgious communities. If you have to go to Community College to stay out of debt, then *do *it! It isn’t going to Harvard that makes you successful, it’s the ability that gets you *into *Harvard that makes you successful. If expenses are any issue at all with your education, do not be seduced by the idea of the big name school.