Parents do not practice

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embob345

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I’m a 20 year old Catholic concert. I converted in 2014 and so did the rest of my family (dad was raised Catholic but didn’t practice as an adult). I am the only one who still practices. I see a ton of posts from parents about their children leaving the Church but does anyone have parents who left? My family identifies as Catholic but they only go to mass once or twice a year. I guess you could call it relativism. They believe in being a ”good person” and not judging and what is true for you isn’t true for someone else. Faith is more of an accessory that fits into their lives when they need it. I’m not really sure how to put it into words. I want to love them but get a lot of sly remarks about my faith. I’m pursuing what is good, true, and beautiful. The more I seek it, the more injustice makes me angry. I am called all kinds of things because of my faith. My dad will often try to tell me why what I believe is wrong and tries to start debates over it.
Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you walk this line between faith and family when your views are so different?
Thank you so much!!
 
Unfortunately many people only need God when their sand houses begin to wash away.
If not already, move out and start your own life.

Stay on the straight and narrow path and enjoy the good life it can deliver.
 
Honor your parents. That is God’s commandment.

They have a lot more “life baggage” than you. It’s possible that they were terribly hurt by someone or something in the Church, and out of love for you, they are not sharing this with you. Whatever happened might have changed their attitude towards the Church and religion in general. If this is the case, they will hopefully come home to the Church someday, but it will take time.

In the meantime, ask God to have mercy on them and heal them, and ask the Blessed Mother to intercede for your parents with her Son.

And please don’t pry into your parents’ history with the Church and try to find out what happened (if anything did happen). It may destroy your zeal, too. Just give it to God and continue to pray for and love your parents.
 
The fact that you’re getting “remarks” probably means your parents are more affected by seeing you be devout than they want to let on.

Just keep loving your parents, going about your business, setting a good example. Maybe once in a while casually invite them to Mass. Who knows, they might accompany you.

A lot of people don’t exactly lose their faith, but they fall off the track of Mass attendance, confession, prayer etc when their life gets busy or things get complicated, and it can be hard to get back on. Seeing other people, especially immediate family, who are going to church all the time can stir up a lot of mixed feelings. Best to not argue or judge, just like I said keep doing what you’re doing and hopefully it will bear good fruit even if it takes a long time.

And pray for your parents, of course.
 
Sometimes it can be hard for people to keep up with obligations if they don’t understand why the obligations exist, how it benefits them, or the effect it has. We’re limited by our senses. So it’s kind of like “I don’t eat lunch because I don’t think it makes any difference and I can be a good person without lunch” vs “It’s important to eat lunch, because I get a headache if my blood sugar drops, and my breath gets stinky on an empty stomach, and it’s embarrassing when my stomach gurgles loudly because I haven’t eaten”. The same thing is true for the Sacraments, which are an outward sign of a spiritual reality— but if you don’t take the spiritual reality part of things seriously, they start looking pretty optional…

Keep on doing what you’re doing. Pray for God to give them the graces he most wants to give them. If your dad wants to start a debate, you can make the decision as to whether you want to defend yourself for doing the right thing, or if you just want to avoid it.

Are you still at home? At home for vacations, but off at school during the semester? Or are you already under your own roof, but merely close by geographically? It’s easier when you’re in a more independent stage of life, vs when you depend on them for food/shelter/tuition/etc. In the meantime, be patient and respectful— but keep doing the right thing. 💙

I wish you the best.
 
Why did they bother to convert, only to drop out in less than five years?
 
You are responsible for your soul and salvation. You need to keep your faith and grow in it. Your life will set an example for your parents and others and it will be noticed. Don’t force the issue, but don’t hide your faith either. I had some friends in college years ago that we’re faithful Catholics, and I never forgot them. I’m 63 and on my third year as a convert to Catholicism. God Bless!
 
My mother raised me Catholic as she was. My father has always been a self described Atheist…
My mom has left the Church. As I get older I am also learning about her misconceptions about the Faith and her lack of understanding has greatly influenced her current indifferentism. Also, in my opinion, she has been heavily influenced by the Baptist and other evangelical influences in the suburbs she has always lived in. And my father’s influence cannot be downplayed.

At this point I feel she worships a God of her own creation, though she thinks it is the Trinity (not that I think she accepts the mystery of the Trinity as important to believe in). I don’t think she has ever believed in the real presence, and when I started attending the Latin mass, she just joked about how she never knew what was being said or what was happening.

I think that “judge not lest ye be judged” is the key verse of scripture to remember here, in that, as long as you’re “nice,” and a generally “good” person, then many people do not feel the need to be members of organized religion, must less the one, true faith.

I love my parents and pray for their conversion as often as possible (and I ask you do, too), but I am fairly critical of my mom because I left the Church for 10 years and when I returned, I surpassed her in piety and all of a sudden realized that just “believing in God” while failing to worship Him or attempting to understand his Word or Church amounted to effectual Atheism.

Relativism has gripped our society.
 
Searching1 said:
I am fairly critical of my mom because I left the Church for 10 years and when I returned, I surpassed her in piety
Click to expand...
Careful there. Looks like a near occasion of sin involving pride . It’s dangerous when we start referring to ourselves as “surpassing others” in any holy respect.
 
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You’re right and I apologize and I will be careful. “Surpass” was a poor choice of words.

To clarify, and to offer a little more background with the aim only to explain myself and not to smear my mom who I pray for, what I am trying to say is, considering my dear mother, who I am grateful for, has:
-been openly hostile to the Church,
-has judged clerics’ moral culpability and calumniated many of them – both those alive and dead and those she has known and not – and,
-considering she hasn’t been to confession in many years and abhors the concept of it, and
-doesn’t attend Mass almost ever unless I urge her to,
-and considering she has explicitly stated “I’m not Catholic” twice in the past year and receives the Eucharist when attending mass with me while being open about her rejection of confession,

what I mean to say is that my current conservative religious positions and practices and beliefs were not “handed down to” me from her as one might expect.

She says things like “my Lord doesn’t judge me” as a catchall for all her positions and practices. I try to counsel her but it is difficult. Unfortunately, I do not consider it a silly matter I can simply ignore and move on from either.

I suppose I am surprised, in fact, that my mom and I passed like ships in the night, where I was once indifferent and atheistic, and now I am orthodox in my beliefs and practice. Perhaps I am revolving around her like a wandering sattelite, while she remains steadfastly in place.
 
In this day and age, with a lot of parents who grew up in the 60s, 70s and 80s, it’s not uncommon for kids to grow up to be way more traditional and “orthodox” than their parents. So it’s not that unusual. Also, the idea of parents “handing down” their ideas about beliefs and practices to their kids often doesn’t happen because the kids have their own ideas, want to approach their faith differently, and often reject at least in part whatever their parents did.

I personally wouldn’t be exhorting her to go to Church if you know she’s going to insist on receiving Holy Communion unworthily when she attends. Also, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be trying to “counsel” your mother. Parents don’t react well to their kids “counseling” them unless the parent specifically has asked for or shown themself open to receiving help, perhaps if the parent is struggling with something or is ill.

Stop talking about religion unless she initiates the discussion. Then discuss with her as long as she is being respectful of your beliefs. If she starts disrespecting your faith, then find a reason to cut it short. You just go about your business doing what you do and pray for her. If you’re going to confession, you can invite her along to that in a no-pressure way. Who knows, one day she might just go.
 
I don’t want to assume she has decades and decades left. She is elderly and I want to constantly, gently nudge her back.
 
Sometimes the best nudging can be prayer, example, and patience.

I really think you need a little distance on this. You are probably not going to be able to nudge your mom back into practicing if she’s behaving as you say, and you run the risk of annoying her so much it will just drive her further away. Lead by quiet example.
 
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