Parents--help please?

[Lazerlike42]

TPJCatholic:

lazerlike,

You make a lot of good points. Yet, I think you are fogetting that a car is a dangerous weapon when it is in the hands of an irreponsible driver and kids who do not get good grades have been shown to not be as responsible as those who do.

If I felt totally comfortable with the “punishment” route, then I would not have posted this thread…yet I do feel that driving is a privelege and not a right. I am still not sure what I will do, many good points have been raised on this thread…I need to pray about this before deciding. I sort of like the idea of making my daughter pay the difference for the higher insurance…

I would personally disagree with the idea of punishment based on grades (at least for older kids) unless they were absolutely terrible, like all Ds or something. So I would say to this that if one looks at one’s child and he is irresponsible, then don’t let him drive, whether he gets good grades or not. If he is responsible with school but not with other things, he shouldn’t be driving. Similarly, if he is not responsible with school but is with other things, I’d say let him drive. Or maybe some synthesis between the two ideas. In other words, if a parent let their kid go for quite a while with no punishment for bad grades, then I don’t think deciding to make driving contingent on them would be a problem.

That’s my idea of how I would handle it anyways. You have to apply your best judgement to your specific situation.

(also I think we have to remember that there are always exceptions… for instance there are some teachers for whom one could devote their entire life and still only manage a C. And if your kid’s dog died well then he probably should get some sort of slack. You know what I mean)

 

[RobNY]

TPJCatholic:

Is it unreasonable for a father to have a rule that his kids must maintain at least a “B” average in order to drive a car?

Is this unreasonable? How would you handle it?

[not sure if this is the right forum]

Not if your son is a regular C student. If he’s a regular B student, or an A student, then I would agree so.

(Or perhaps you mean to make him achieve more, i.e., to boost his grades, by setting the bar high. Only you can know whether or not this is fair. Not everyone is going to get high score grades in school. Expect his all, not any particularly grade.)

My point is, don’t be unfair. If he is slacking, then by all means, you know much better than I do what needs to be done.

Signed, a driving age senior with very high grades,
Rob

EDIT: The cost of insurance is also a very reasonable basis for this, however. Be careful though, some agencies will try to rob you blind for putting a male my age on your premium.

 

[puzzleannie]

TPJCatholic:

Is it unreasonable for a father to have a rule that his kids must maintain at least a “B” average in order to drive a car?

Is this unreasonable? How would you handle it?

[not sure if this is the right forum]

I think that is very unreasonable. The father should require the kid to pay for the car and the insurance before he is allowed to drive instead of letting him get of with getting a B average, which he should be doing anyhow.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

When did it become a neccesity to have a car in high school?

I personally don’t think that anyone (16 or 60) should have a car if they do not have 100% responsibilty for it. That means paying for the car, insurance, gas, repairs and any extras.

What’s wrong with the bus, their bike, or (oh gosh!) their feet?

And just in case you get the wrong impression,I am not a crusty 99 year old who doesn’t like the teenagers of today, lol, I am only 28.

My first car was one I bought and paid for myself by WORKING (at age 23).

I took all of the responsibilty for it. Any of my friends who had cars given to them or were allowed unlimited use of their parents’ car treated it like garbage.

They had no respect for it. Now, I’m not saying everyone is like this, but it is pretty common. Just look at the condition of most rental homes/neighborhoods as compared with ones that are owned by the occupants.

If it were me and my child, I would make sure they took a good drivers ed program and got lots of practice driving mom and dad around. They could also use the car to go to the grocery store etc. But it would definitely be a privilege. It would not be a bribe for good grades.

just my opinion,

Malia

 

[Lazerlike42]

It somewhat is a necessity now, depending on what you mean when you say the word necessity.

I mean that in the sense that it’s somewhat tough to have any friends if you are 17 or so and don’t at least have a car that you can use from time to time, even if you don’t own it. At least in the suburbs. It’s totally different in more metropolitan areas.

Also, many parents expect their children to be getting jobs now. I know plenty of folks who would be quite upset if their 17 year old kids didn’t have jobs. Unless a person can either find a job within walking distance (sometimes possible but not usually) or has parents who will always be able to drop off and pick up at the necessary times (again not common) a car is pretty important. It’s so important that a lot of placec simply won’t hire you, especially for the entry level jobs that young people are able to obtain, if you don’t have one. No emplyer wants to worry about their employee having to call out of work because he cannot get there. And when it comes to retail jobs, no employer wants someone who is never going to be able to come in on an off day to fill in for a sick person.

 

[betra2000]

TPJCatholic:

Is it unreasonable for a father to have a rule that his kids must maintain at least a “B” average in order to drive a car?

Is this unreasonable? How would you handle it?

[not sure if this is the right forum]

This too is the rule in my home. I need that discount. You can save up to 30% off of the premium. Children working hard and learning responsiblity is a good deal and 30% in my pocket is an added bonus!

 

[maryj]

Lazerlike42:

My personal opinion is that this sort of idea is really dangerous.

It can lead to kids not getting the right idea about grades and school. What basically happens is the kids go through their entire middle and high school career practicing earning good grades so they don’t get in trouble or so they can watch tv or drive or go on the computer or whatever. Then they get into college where that sortof quid pro quo just doesn’t exist and BAM. Complete disaster. The kids have no motivation to do well and they also have a newfound sense of freedom. It’s not hard to see where this leads. It’s also problematic because when you make grades a matter of parental authority, they tend to become one of those things that really suffers when the kids go through the all but inevitable rebellious stage. This stage usually happens just at the right time to make the grades hurt the kid’s college chances. This is especially true for kids raised in good Christian homes. These kids aren’t gonna go off and sneak out at night or go get drunk. However, it is natural to rebel so they’ll end up rebelling even more in the minor ways, like by not putting enough into school.

On the other hand, when a kid goes through school and learns on his or her own the value of hard work and of getting good grades, those values carry over to college. I have seen it time and time again. Of all the people I know who do/did poorly in college, it as almost always those whose parents had strict rules about grades that totally bombed. The kids that just got good grades because they developed their own sense of pride about the issue got As and Bs.

It’s the same idea as learning the value of a dollar. You can’t really force that on the kid. He’s just not gonna get it until he blows all his money on candy and then realizes he’d rather have the Super Hydro Man or whatever.

Of course this is hardly universal. It’s entirely possible for a kid to both have strict rules and develop a personal sense of the importance of grades. That being said, it’s a lot harder to develop a personal sense of the importance of school when you are having someone else’s sense of it forced on you with strict rules and punishments. At a certain age (early middle school… grades 5, 6, 7, maybe 8) this is necessary. Most 6th graders need that external encouragement. But once you get into upper middle and high school, I really think this idea is very counterproductive.

AMEN!!!!

 

[stbruno]

For my sons…I taught them, that driving a car is a privilege not an inalienable right. The state that issues them a driving license calls it a privilege. So in order to drive, not only do they have to pass state regulations or laws of the road and abide by them, but they also must pass my rules. #1, get B’s to keep insurance costs somewhat affordable.
#2 Keep curfews on the car, otherwise driving privileges are suspended until further notice.

Only one son tested the rules and lost. The others got the message, loud and clear.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Lazerlike42:

It somewhat is a necessity now, depending on what you mean when you say the word necessity.

By necessity, I mean cannot live without it. Like food or water, lol. I also mean something that would make normal life extremely difficult…like not having access to the internet to do homework etc. But even then I know of families that have to go to the library to use the computers…so it is not really a necessity…

I mean that in the sense that it’s somewhat tough to have any friends if you are 17 or so and don’t at least have a car that you can use from time to time, even if you don’t own it. At least in the suburbs. It’s totally different in more metropolitan areas.

Somewhat tough…hmmmm…so what?

Also, many parents expect their children to be getting jobs now. I know plenty of folks who would be quite upset if their 17 year old kids didn’t have jobs.

A whole 'nother topic…

Unless a person can either find a job within walking distance (sometimes possible but not usually) or has parents who will always be able to drop off and pick up at the necessary times (again not common) a car is pretty important.

I guess it really depends on where you live. Like I mentioned, I did not get my first car until age 23. Up until then I took the bus, walked, got rides with friends or boyfriend and had my parents drive me.

I grew up in a single income 2 parent household. We only ever had one car. So even though I may have been able to drive, there wasn’t an available vehicle.

Now me and hubby only have one vehicle. I can’t imagine buying a second one for any future children (not on our salary). But even if we were rich, I don’t think I would do it. It is just my idea of building responsibilty.

It’s so important that a lot of placec simply won’t hire you, especially for the entry level jobs that young people are able to obtain, if you don’t have one. No emplyer wants to worry about their employee having to call out of work because he cannot get there. And when it comes to retail jobs, no employer wants someone who is never going to be able to come in on an off day to fill in for a sick person.

Again, it depends on where you live. I didn’t have a car and I always got to work. My sister doesn’t have a car and she still gets to work. Heck, I know plenty of adults who don’t have a car to get around.

To me it just seems like it is another one of those things that society tells us is a necessity…but is it really?

Malia