Parents railroading my career?

[E_7]

I’m getting close to a supervisor position at my current job at UPS. I’m 24 and still living at home. However, my parents, especially my mom, have been egging me on about going to work for the post office instead, because they pay a little more. I just took the postal test this morning, but to be brutally honest, I have no desire or interest to leave UPS. I have several reasons for this:

1. I have worked very hard for this, and have been at my current job for almost a year. I understand that I have to look out for Number One career-wise, but going to another company seems like a complete waste of my last year (I am a 2-time employee of the month).
2. Because of their union contract, UPS pays for my health insurance in full. That just kicked in a couple weeks ago. The post office, like UPS, tries to avoid this by making much of its workforce temporary workers.
3. If I get interviewed and get a PO job, I’m back to Square One. Where I am, I have networked and made a name for myself. My bosses and co-workers like me, and chances are a promotion is only a matter of time.

I don’t even have an interview yet (I applied for one rural route and one city route in a small town). But my mom is demanding that, if I am offered the job, I quit UPS and take it, solely because of the pay.

I’m not just being stubborn or naive here. I genuinely think it is within my rational best interest to stay where I am. But my mom still insists, simply because of the slightly higher base pay. I tell her all of this, and she won’t acknowledge anything I say.

I’ve tried to put it in God’s hands, but I’m so confused. I am praying to not be selected from an interview, ironically. I have no desire or interest to go work for the PO; I only studied for the test and applied so my folks would quit badgering me about it. Since I live with them, am I obligated to be marched into a life-defining career change against my will?

Addendum: my dad is slightly more supportive of me staying. But he maintains that “I have to think full-time”, which I understand.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches:

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

 

[Lorelei12]

One thing you don’t really specify here is why your mother wants to badly for you to have a higher paycheck. Is it because she is mainly concerned about your future earning potential? Because she wants you to make enough money to move out? Because she’d like you to contribute more financially to the household?

You said that she is “demanding” that you take the job if you are offered it. Does that mean that she will not allow you to live there if you don’t? If so, it sounds like you really need to make arrangements to move out on your own. It might be unreasonable, but it is her house and your parents get to decide who lives there. You’re not obligated to take any job your parents want you to, but you are obligated to live by any rules they make as a condition of your living there (and free to leave if they don’t suit you).

 

[Eliza10]

It does seem right to me, as well, to follow your heart and what seems reasonable to you. You have considered what they said, and it does not seem right to you. You can thank them for caring and for their (name removed by moderator)ut. Its sort of like what I taught my son when he was young, when you get a gift you really hate, you don’t show it, instead, you think about the caring intent that went into the gift (even if it was misguided) and you give thanks to the giver for that. Then later you can do what you want with the gift, after you think about it. Same with your folks; thank them sincerely - very nice of them to care so much; that’s a real gift, a gift some others would sorely wish for. But they need to know this is your decision (and many people in this thread have given you good clarifying reasons on that account). So its either move out, or better - move out when you are ready, and for now, take advantage of the uncomfortable situation (of living in their home and not agreeing with their particular advice) by learning to make boundaries with your parents, politely, kindly and firmly. That is so difficult to learn, and trying this the first time is definitely the hardest, but it will bring you deeper into mature, competent adulthood. Its a difficult life lesson but an important one, one that will make you grow and improve your relations with them - more than moving out to get away from the conversation. In my opinion!

It’s not up to your parents, so follow your heart always. My friend moved to the mountains and has been a “ski bum” for 20 years and he’s the happiest person I know. Bartender at night, ski all day.

Hmm. Life of a ski-bum. Sounds like truly the pursuit of happiness. I think the pursuit of joy is better. How is his walk with the Lord?

I am reminded when I was newly married and we were looking for our first home, and there were lakes in commutable distance, filled with mostly people’s second homes, and I asked my pastors wife (long ago, before I converted) her opinion about buying a small run down lakefront house (vs. a decent family home, what we could do on our budget), in order to live on a lake, a dream I’d long had. She said that two of the young people who had been faithful church members, active in the youth group and missions, decided when they married to do the same thing we were considering - two couples that is - and they made their life on the lake and got the boats did lots of entertaining, etc. - and she observed that living the “recreation lifestyle” was not helpful to their faith life, for them or for the families they had, as they and their children were the furthest from living their faith than all their peers, even though they had once had a faith-centered life. So, the truth of that possibility struck me, and has stayed with me…

 

[EasterJoy]

It’s not up to your parents, so follow your heart always. My friend moved to the mountains and has been a “ski bum” for 20 years and he’s the happiest person I know. Bartender at night, ski all day.

That’s no bum! People in the restaurant business work their hind ends off. In spite of the common misconception that everyone who has a job that requires a college education are doing better even in strictly financial terms than everyone who has a job that doesn’t, there are real careers that require experience and aptitude instead of a lot of formal training.

“Follow your heart always,” however, is a maxim that not everyone ought to follow, particularly since not everyone knows their own mind and heart. I would not even be willing to say for certain that everyone who says that means the thing for which you are willing to work very hard with the knowledge that you may fail to attain your “ideal” goal, because you are sold on the value of the journey of trying.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It’s not up to your parents, so follow your heart always. My friend moved to the mountains and has been a “ski bum” for 20 years and he’s the happiest person I know. Bartender at night, ski all day.

As a former ski bum, it was a happy time in life. Summers were spent driving a Zamboni and winters skiing and bouncing at the apres ski bars.

I’m still friends with many ski bums, some in thier 50s and 60s. They may not have families or 401ks but they sure are helpful to call if I need a hint on some powder hunting.

And to be honest some former “bums” make a decent living in the off season in nursing or medical jobs. Many mountains pay well for specialized patrol jobs requiring medical or rescue experience.

I’m glad I experienced it and I realized that life was not a long term solution for me.

Though others will disagree, can see your follow your heart advice.
However it is important to note that your career may not be a source of happiness but a means to an end.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Consider getting your own place, however humble.

 

[1ke]

Many here are assuming you are in a position to move out, and that at 24 living at home should be in your rearview mirror. These are assumptions-- a stereotype of a freeloader still living at home with parents. The “don’t like it, move out” mantra is not particularly helpful, certainly not with this particular OP.

However, as I recall you do have Aspergers and have solid reasons to be living at home at 24, still trying to navigate the complex world of adulthood with parents trying to help you. I believe you also have some scrupulosity issues, if I am remembering correctly and that may be causing anxiety as you try to assert your independence AND grapple with the 4th commandment on honoring parents.

Your mother may be used to getting in between you and the world and advocating for you with your Aspergers. It may be hard for her to back off of that and let you make your own decisions. It may be hard for her to watch you struggle. She wants to help you succeed.

Do you have a counselor that you can talk with and perhaps bring your parents in to discuss next steps for how you can continue to live at home and receive the support you need but also continue in growing your independence and decision making?

You seem to like your UPS job, and I know change can be hard. If you are having success at UPS it may be good to continue there. The USPS may offer other opportunities your mother may also be thinking of benefits or options for you long term.

Talk with her, but do work toward independent decision making. That is a learned skill. You can do it.

 

[EasterJoy]

Many here are assuming you are in a position to move out, and that at 24 living at home should be in your rearview mirror. These are assumptions-- a stereotype of a freeloader still living at home with parents. The “don’t like it, move out” mantra is not particularly helpful, certainly not with this particular OP.

However, as I recall you do have Aspergers and have solid reasons to be living at home at 24, still trying to navigate the complex world of adulthood with parents trying to help you. I believe you also have some scrupulosity issues, if I am remembering correctly and that may be causing anxiety as you try to assert your independence AND grapple with the 4th commandment on honoring parents.

Your mother may be used to getting in between you and the world and advocating for you with your Aspergers. It may be hard for her to back off of that and let you make your own decisions. It may be hard for her to watch you struggle. She wants to help you succeed.

Do you have a counselor that you can talk with and perhaps bring your parents in to discuss next steps for how you can continue to live at home and receive the support you need but also continue in growing your independence and decision making?

You seem to like your UPS job, and I know change can be hard. If you are having success at UPS it may be good to continue there. The USPS may offer other opportunities your mother may also be thinking of benefits or options for you long term.

Talk with her, but do work toward independent decision making. That is a learned skill. You can do it.

Whatever the reason, if we are living with someone else, parents or not, we can expect that whoever is providing us with help on food and rent will take the liberty of offering unsolicited opinions. That is a fact of life; there is no point in deciding whether or not it is fair or kosher or whatever for the benefactor to take that liberty.

As you have very rightly pointed out, however, all an adult who gets unsolicited advice from a benefactor needs to do is to say, “thanks, I’ve got this covered, I am making my own decision” without feeling any need to defend the decision. That holds whether or not the person given the advice has decided to investigate the points raised by the unsolicited (name removed by moderator)ut or not.

IOW, you can take your parents’ advice under consideration or not, OP, as you choose. You do not have to report back on whether or not you have decided to take it or why. You may rightly say, “that is my business, and I choose to keep it private.”

 

[mommy_k]

Your mother wants you to give up a full time job for a temp one? Did I read this correctly? And if I did, she has no concerns about job security?

Every couple of months I hear the US Postal service is going to do away with Saturday delivery because it is not doing well.

Do you have a dangerous route or something?

 

[MaryT777]

My mother has told me years ago working for the Postal Service was considered by many the best job a person could have for job security and benefits. That has certainly changed but the perception perhaps still remains.

 

[lax16]

I thought the u.s. Postal service was in dire financial straits?

The future of the post office is unknown - I would not leave a solid job for a job with the post office.

 

[jmcrae]

I thought the u.s. Postal service was in dire financial straits?

The future of the post office is unknown - I would not leave a solid job for a job with the post office.

Nor would I. This is the wrong economy for looking for government work. Stick with really big private companies right now.

 

[runningdude]

I’m getting close to a supervisor position at my current job at UPS. I’m 24 and still living at home. However, my parents, especially my mom, have been egging me on about going to work for the post office instead, because they pay a little more. I just took the postal test this morning, but to be brutally honest, I have no desire or interest to leave UPS. I have several reasons for this:
…

Your mother may be fondly remembering a time when the Post Office was a civil service agency, rather than an independent government agency. It is a different environment now.

At this stage in your career, and life, you are in a position to know things that your parents don’t. You have gained professional knowledge, and must use this knowledge to manage the risks in life. There is a risk at staying at UPS. There is a risk at joining the Post Office. I’ve had many bumps in my early career. Some of the advice my parents gave me was wrong, and lead me to dead ends. Other advice, that I ignored, I wished I followed.

At this stage, “Honor thy mother and father” does not preclude disregarding well-intentioned advice. You must make your own conscientious decisions. The command is reflect a need for maintaining integrity of the family.
Saint Paul to the Ephesians:

Family Relationships

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. …

Maintaining your own affairs is a Christian duty itself; after all, at some point, you may have to “honor” the father of your own children.

 

[dedo]

All the people who I know who are the most successful did not do the “bounce around” statistic that a lot of people quote.

Rather, they advanced in one place / company for an extended period of time and enjoyed increasing benefits. The people who stayed with large private companies did very well and eventually ended up with stock options etc. That does not mean that at some point a second career or an amazing opportunity might not come along and should be seized. However, bouncing around for slightly greener grass is a big mistake and is bad for a resume.

So although it is good to listen to parents, in this case the OP’s instincts are spot on in my opinion.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

All the people who I know who are the most successful did not do the “bounce around” statistic that a lot of people quote.

Rather, they advanced in one place / company for an extended period of time and enjoyed increasing benefits. The people who stayed with large private companies did very well and eventually ended up with stock options etc. That does not mean that at some point a second career or an amazing opportunity might not come along and should be seized. However, bouncing around for slightly greener grass is a big mistake and is bad for a resume.

So although it is good to listen to parents, in this case the OP’s instincts are spot on in my opinion.

Although we are in agreement about the op staying with ups, I couldn’t disagree more about the idea of staying somewhere for the sake of being a " longevity" employee.

I can assure you in all the resumes that my wife and I have waded through “bouncing” around is not a flag if the trajectory is upward. My wife bounces around often. It’s one of the reasons she commands a high salary.

In the corporate world loyalty and longevity means nothing anymore. For better or worse.

My wife’s resume is impressive primarily because she has held and mastered many jobs at very prestigious companies spanning a lot of skills. I’d hate to think of our situation had she stayed with her first company!

Her current employers are well aware she may have offers. This keeps the leverage on her side.

If a person works somewhere for thirty years there are only two possibilities why. They have broken into senior management and run the company, or they work just hard enough not to get fired but not hard enough that anyone else wants them.

Another risk of staying somewhere for the sake of longevity is you will be painted as a worker and it will be harder for management to see you as a promotion.

Bringing in an unknown for a director position is always sexier than hiring Dave from that cubicle in the corner.

However the op may not be at the job or level where either of us are doing much good with our philosophies…

 

[EasterJoy]

All the people who I know who are the most successful did not do the “bounce around” statistic that a lot of people quote.

Rather, they advanced in one place / company for an extended period of time and enjoyed increasing benefits. The people who stayed with large private companies did very well and eventually ended up with stock options etc. That does not mean that at some point a second career or an amazing opportunity might not come along and should be seized. However, bouncing around for slightly greener grass is a big mistake and is bad for a resume.

So although it is good to listen to parents, in this case the OP’s instincts are spot on in my opinion.

There is a lot of real estate between counter-productive bouncing around and keeping the first job you get forever.

Amazing opportunities rarely just “come along.” It is 2016. You have to learn about yourself, identify the best options for yourself, and go out and find a way to get one of them. At the very least, learn about the kind of opportunities you’d jump at, learn what “amazing” looks like for you, so when one of those opportunities comes along you will know to jump on it.

Having said that, I’d agree that it is a mistake to stir up an envy of greener pastures when you have a job that you like to get out of bed to go to. Job satisfaction can be hard to predict, so if I could show myself that the job I like is a pretty good overall option among the jobs I’m likely to get, I’d feel good about sticking with it. I would not feel a need to apologize for my decision to those who criticize it, even if (or maybe especially if) my mother was pushing me into a different direction. That’s a job for “thanks, but you’ve made your point. I have this covered, Mom. Enough, already.”