Parish Problems

[pittsburghjeff]

My wife and I recently moved back to the parish I grew up in. It was really a “dead” parish growing up, and I am afraid it hasn’t gotten much better. It’s hard to articulate what I mean by “dead”. But if you went to mass there or talked to some of the people there you would understand in a second. It’s not that there are any major liturgical abuses, it just seems like there is an overal lack of genuine faith except for a handful of older parishoners.

I recently thought about getting more involved in the parish (like teaching CCD). I have a lot of gifts and talents to offer a parish, but they just hired lay pastoral associate who thinks some of the church’s teaching on things like contraception is “illogical” and I don’t have the energy to constantly be butting heads with leaders in the parish.

When we have children, I would never want my children raised in that parish. I would seriously be afraid that they would lose their faith. The friends who I went through CCD with either left the church or don’t practice their faith anymore.

So my question is “what to do?” My inclination is to shake the dust off my sandals and go somewhere else. I am even thinking about trying our diocesan recognized Latin Mass Community, not because I have any great allegiance to the latin mass, but because I know that the priests and parishoners there practice authentic Catholicism. I could try a neighboring parish and hope for the best. I could stay where I am at, but I just keep getting more and more aggravated rather than spiritually fed. And again it would be a cold day in hell before I put my future children through the CCD program at that parish or raised them in that parish.

 

[SeekerJen]

pittsburghjeff:

When we have children, I would never want my children raised in that parish. I would seriously be afraid that they would lose their faith. The friends who I went through CCD with either left the church or don’t practice their faith anymore.

So my question is “what to do?” My inclination is to shake the dust off my sandals and go somewhere else. I am even thinking about trying our diocesan recognized Latin Mass Community, not because I have any great allegiance to the latin mass, but because I know that the priests and parishoners there practice authentic Catholicism. I could try a neighboring parish and hope for the best. I could stay where I am at, but I just keep getting more and more aggravated rather than spiritually fed. And again it would be a cold day in hell before I put my future children through the CCD program at that parish or raised them in that parish.

I think you know what to do, and the fact that “it would be a cold day in hell” before you would subject your children to that parish speaks volumes.

I had a similar experience at the parish where I grew up and attended elem. and middle school. I wouldn’t put my children in that school if tuition was free and the parish paid me to send them there, and I don’t even like attending Mass at the parish. Most of the kids I went to school with left the Church, and the ones who stayed certainly weren’t learning sound doctrine. We had sex ed. in middle school, and I don’t remember once hearing that abortion and contraception were wrong. I remembered learning that Monsignor would give us detention for walking on the grass, that the wealthy families ran the parish, and that making your confirmation wasn’t important because it was a Sacrament, it was important because if one kid didn’t do it, then the uniformity of the class would be disrupted (I was that one kid. It was hell).

Find a new parish. If you live in a fairly well-populated area, that shouldn’t be too difficult. We switched over to a different parish in our city when I was in high school. I’m still at that parish, and would definitely entrust my future children to the parish school or CCD.

 

[Tom]

If I were you, I’d seriously consider trying to bring life back into the parish. You may be surprised by the response. After all there are probably lots of folks thinking the same thoughts as you. Imagine the impact of waking all of those folks up.

pittsburghjeff:

I recently thought about getting more involved in the parish (like teaching CCD). I have a lot of gifts and talents to offer a parish,

Which is what you should do. Don’t hide your lamp under a basket.

pittsburghjeff:

but they just hired lay pastoral associate who thinks some of the church’s teaching on things like contraception is “illogical” and I don’t have the energy to constantly be butting heads with leaders in the parish.

That’s actually a reason to get involved!!! Not the opposite. Don’t worry about your energy, God will provide you plenty.

pittsburghjeff:

When we have children, I would never want my children raised in that parish.

Hmmm so you think maybe God is telling you to cut and run??? Let all the kids there now fend for themselves?

pittsburghjeff:

So my question is “what to do?”

It sounds like God’s giving you a call; maybe you should pick up the phone?

 

[tTt]

You will be an instrument in God’s hand. Let God do the hard work.Trust him and He will breath new life into you and the parish.

It might be easier to cut and run but your parish needs you. Maybe this is why you ended up back there??

Lead by example, the stronger your faith, the easier it will get.

When you do have kids, remember CCD always begins at home.

You may not believe it but the Holy Spirit is working in you.

:yup:

 

[dhgray]

Jeff,

You only have two options:

1. Leave and find another parish. This will only help your family.
2. Stay and fight for change. It’s easier to fight from the inside than from the outside. You could effect change. I took option 2 and am (after 5 years) making small steps. I started with CCD and try to teach the kids what’s right. Little by little, the families are started to notice the change in their children. One parent even commented that they have never heard CCD taught like that before - Greatest compliment I’ve received. The parent attended every class to learn more too.

Your choice.

My fear was that if I choose option # 1, my children would never know what it’s like to to fight for what they believe.

And YES, this has effected my children. They are becomming evangalists than I am. They are bring their friends back to the Church and the parents are following. (even the non-Catholics) :tiphat: Sorry, proud papa moment :tiphat:

 

[kmktexas]

Jeff,

My first instinct would be to move on. BUT you mentioned that you do not have kids yet. There may be some hope. Try enlisting the pastor’s help in identifying a few people who may have the same feelings as you. CCD might not be the best place to contribute if the DRE is not in agreement with church teaching. Struggling with a DRE is rarely successful and could alienate you from allies.

I had some success with this tactic when I came to a new parish. I went to Father and with his help started a Respect Life Committee. Now, I and the other members of the committee are a “voice” for other things not related to RL.

Also, volunteer with whatever fundraising the parish needs. If they have a social or bazzarr, help out. This is often seen as the litmus test of “belonging” to a parish. I know, it sounds political but I am trying to be realistic.

Also pray hard. My own parish was the victim of a prior pastor who was left of liberal and did huge damage to the knowledge of the Faith at that parish. I came to the parish only after he was gone. I found out that there was a group of women who got together and regularly prayed that God send a more orthodox and faithful priest. It worked and we are blessed now.

Maybe you can make a difference before their are kids involved.

 

[mass4life]

When you pray the Rosary, sneak a little intention in for the spiritual growth of your parish. Pray to your parish saint’s namesake. Pray to the guardian angel of your priest.

God Bless you. Your (future) children will pick up on your lively faith and it will be rooted in them. Don’t give up yet.

 

[Lance]

Don’t cut and run. Stick it out. Priests and CCD directors come and go, you should stay for the long haul. You will eventually change things and probably learn and change some yourself. Just keep saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. God will get you through this and you will be a better person and have a better parish for your efforts.