Parish Secretary

[misericordie]

Has anyone here ever felt in love with their parish secretary or felt attracted to her?? I have, she is an adult who is kind, loving friendly (an adult female) single. Though single she has a “boyfriend” and she does not seem serious about him. I find myself flirting with her, to which she too responds by flirting back.
Should I feel guilty? What are some thoughts on this, or have you had similar experiences. I also find myself calling the rectory, just to listen to her voice, and I would make believe I just have a parish related question. Ages: she is 22 and I am a 32 year old male.

 

[mjdonnelly]

No ring, no foul.

Slowly pusue the posibilities if you think there may be interest. Make the asking for a date sound not so serious just in case she is serious about someone else, that way there would be no embarrassment on either side.

 

[pnewton]

All’s fair in love and war. Sorry, scratch the war part. On second thought scratch the whole thing.

Now the point. If you are both single and free to pursue a relationship, then go ahead. As long as you don’t mind getting turned down, the worst she can say is “no.”

 

[pittsburghjeff]

I think it is OK to ask her out.

My advice (and the women here will probably kill me) is to play it cool. Don’t give her a hint about how infatuated you are with her. You might freak her out. Besides, women like challenges. Ask her out, get to know her in a no-pressure situation, and go from there. And be careful with those phonecalls - like I said you don’t want her to know how obsessed you are with her - you’ll freak her out.

Ten years is not too bad of an age difference but you had better commit yourself to a lifetime of physical fitness if you want to hang with a woman ten years younger.

 

[Mandi]

I’m assuming you’re not married … for some reason I thought you were.

So if you’re not - all’s fair in love and war!

My husband was engaged when I met him. been married 20 yrs

My father was engaged before my mother. - been married 45 yrs

My husbands cousin (who married my girlfriend) was engaged at my wedding where he met my girlfriend - married 18 yrs.

I would just be careful how she responds to you … remember you are obviously hoping to be her boyfriend, - you would not want her to flirt so freely if she were YOUR girlfriend.

 

[pittsburghjeff]

Mandi:

I’m assuming you’re not married … for some reason I thought you were.

So if you’re not - all’s fair in love and war!

My husband was engaged when I met him. been married 20 yrs

My father was engaged before my mother. - been married 45 yrs

My husbands cousin (who married my girlfriend) was engaged at my wedding where he met my girlfriend - married 18 yrs.

I would just be careful how she responds to you … remember you are obviously hoping to be her boyfriend, - you would not want her to flirt so freely if she were YOUR girlfriend.

And the moral of the story is…

If you are engaged, don’t let your fiance out of your sight

 

[sparkle]

misericordie:

Has anyone here ever felt in love with their parish secretary or felt attracted to her?? I have, she is an adult who is kind, loving friendly (an adult female) single. Though single she has a “boyfriend” and she does not seem serious about him. I find myself flirting with her, to which she too responds by flirting back.
Should I feel guilty? What are some thoughts on this, or have you had similar experiences. I also find myself calling the rectory, just to listen to her voice, and I would make believe I just have a parish related question. Ages: she is 22 and I am a 32 year old male.

Are you married? If you are, then look away friend—if not, go ahead and ask her out! And God Bless~~ I say who cares where you meet people–and what’s appropriate and what’s not~ God brings people together in the funniest of places~~

Bless You~~

 

[misericordie]

Thanks all. Any further thoughts on this?

Sincerely, misericordie

 

[Annunciata]

misericordie:

Has anyone here ever felt in love with their parish secretary or felt attracted to her?? I have, she is an adult who is kind, loving friendly (an adult female) single. Though single she has a “boyfriend” and she does not seem serious about him. I find myself flirting with her, to which she too responds by flirting back.
Should I feel guilty? What are some thoughts on this, or have you had similar experiences. I also find myself calling the rectory, just to listen to her voice, and I would make believe I just have a parish related question. Ages: she is 22 and I am a 32 year old male.

Misericordie,
I’d say go for it since you are both free and she is most likely a “Nice Catholic Girl” working in that particular environment (BTW,I used to me a Parish Secretary)…could it be my prayers are working???

Annunciata

 

[redkim]

And a good type of first date is something casual. You can say “I’d like to take you out for a cup of coffee.”

 

[jrabs]

pittsburghjeff:

I think it is OK to ask her out.

My advice (and the women here will probably kill me) is to play it cool. Besides, women like challenges

Oh Dear me, PittsburghJeff. I don’t know many women who like a challenge. I think many of us single women find a challenge as too much work! Last thing you want to start are those sensless mind games of the dating world.

So Mis, don’t make yourself out to be a real challenge. And easy on the “cool” also.

I think you can probably play “yourself” real good, and come off as charming. You have already talked to her so she alread has a sense about you. Now just ask… and have fun!

 

[pittsburghjeff]

jrabs:

Oh Dear me, PittsburghJeff. I don’t know many women who like a challenge. I think many of us single women find a challenge as too much work! Last thing you want to start are those sensless mind games of the dating world.

You are right in one sense - no woman “says” she likes a challenge - they deny it to the hilt and say the same thing you did. But my experience of having been single for 31 years before I got married this year is that even though you deny it, you all like a challenge! You don’t like men who are wrapped around your little finger.

 

[moedom]

My wife’s a parish secretary to 2 churches. I hope nobody’s after her Anyway I believe if it’s the will of God then it will happen. I will pray for you both.
Moe

 

[JCPhoenix]

pittsburghjeff:

You are right in one sense - no woman “says” she likes a challenge - they deny it to the hilt and say the same thing you did. But my experience of having been single for 31 years before I got married this year is that even though you deny it, you all like a challenge! You don’t like men who are wrapped around your little finger.

Women like challenges in the professional world, in the sports arena, and in life in general. Good, decent women, while we don’t want a man wrapped around our fingers, we DO want stability, companionability, spirituality…and lots of other 'alities.

Saying women want a challenge is inviting the mind game problem into a relationship which has not even begun. Don’t make an invitation into a cat and mouse game.

Maybe that’s why I’m still single…because I’m done with the games, I’m not compromising my values just to impress some guy, and I’m being myself…my low maintenance self. I, speaking as a woman who is tired of dating, say that what we want is for men to be themselves and treat us in such a way that allows us to be ourselves.

Go for it…but don’t come on too strong. Just a simple invite, maybe even with friends just to get to know her may be a good way to enter the picture. She may be interested in you as well, but sometimes it’s nice to break the ice by getting to know someone while you’re part of a larger group…it takes the awkward moments away. In the meantime you can get to know her and THEN ask for that real date!

 

[Princess_Abby]

my husband and i were friends first for a few months before he officially asked me out, and in doing so he really poured his heart out (but in a no pressure, just “this is what is on my heart” mode) about how beautiful my soul was to him, and that even though he wasn’t sure i felt the same way, he felt compelled to be totally honest and not begin things by being unclear about how he felt.

i have to say that it was very surprising to hear but very refreshing, as i was used to dating secular boys and putting up with them just not having any appreciation whatsoever for the certain things i happen to hold dear in life: faith, family, friends. usually when this happened with secular boys, it was all about the physical aspects that attracted whichever guy. with my husband, yes, he tells me i’m beautiful all the time, but from the very beginning, his true attraction was to my SOUL.

because there just weren’t any games whatsoever, and i always felt able to be completely honest with him as feelings and situations arose, it really helped the two of us grow together and stop all the guesswork that usually goes into dating relationships.

we began talking about marriage after 2 months of dating, got engaged at 6 months (when he flew 1200 miles to ask my parents’ permission) and were married exactly 6 months later.

and we will be married a year on monday, the 23rd. i think when it’s right, you just know.

 

[baltobetsy]

Can you volunteer to help with stuffing bulletins or a mailing or something? Then you could have some time together without the pressure of a date, and could explore her boyfriend situation further in casual conversation.

Betsy

 

[moedom]

baltobetsy:

Can you volunteer to help with stuffing bulletins or a mailing or something? Then you could have some time together without the pressure of a date, and could explore her boyfriend situation further in casual conversation.

Betsy

Good idea:thumbsup: :clapping: