Part 2 to (I’ve been hurt By a catholic Apostalate)

[JC120398]

One of them tells me “ I looked through your phone and saw your messages that you had with your girlfriend “

In shock to what was happening I just laughed. They kept on saying “ we aren’t comfortable being around you “ making me feel like I’m some kind of monster.

The leader of the Apostalate tells them to go inside. Then he continues to talk to me saying “ what do I do now JC? My hands are tied here. With all honesty I reply saying “ I don’t really care you could do anything you want it’s your decision not mine “ More words were exchanged and he told me to stay outside and think about what I wanted to do with my life. I went to the little abandoned children’s playground and just sat on the swing until one of the co founders walked out and talk to me. And honestly this is where a lot of the damage was done. We talked and we talked. And then she proceeded to say “ honestly the reason we are taking such pre caution with you is because you are showing signs of being a rapist.” Pardon my language but I called BS how could me sexting and messaging my ex make me a rapist? Made no sense. Anyways in which I looked at her and said “how? Million if not billion sod people my age do this daily… if you are quick to label me a rapist than label all the men in this ministry who have mostly likely done the same thing. As well as the entire population of young people…” anyways days go by and the decision for me to go home was made. Which again didn’t really bother me I had a lot that I could come back to in the church. But a decision was made that affects me tell this very day and pretty much stops me from having a social life and makes me feel like a freaking outcast anytime I try to engage with somebody in conversation.
This was happening while black panther was huge. So me and the guys decided to head to the movies, so naturally I knew the woman would be there to. When I got there i was being ignored by every single one of them. Apparently the leader told them “ to not speak to me and to avoid all contact with me “
When I tell you that this broke me to the point where I was humiliated in public, and was in tears practically the whole movie and couldn’t even wach it. I mean that with my every being.
“ you are being sent home to protect my image and the ministry’s image. “ and then tell woman to avoid me, because I have “rape like tendencies” when all I ever did was sit down and keep to myself %100000 of the time.
Anyways I keep going. That whole situation ruined my relationship with God. Bad… as months pass I slowly saw myself not going to confession anymore, not going to mass, smoking marijuana again, partying, sex, anything you could name. My life did a complete 180…
I know deep inside myself I want God back in my life how he use to be, but this whole situation is just keeping me away… I am hurt… bad and I just don’t know what to do… because now I can’t stand being inside a church or even praying at all.

 

[CilladeRoma]

You have been hurt by people in the Apsotalate, not the Apsotolate itself or the Church.

FWIW, you are an adult, and the other “adults” there had no right to look at your phone or read any of your private messages.

Their accusations and treatment of you do not sound very Christ-like, so I really would not worry about them. Find a new parish and some new friends.

 

[EXdrinker]

All catholic apostalates worth anything are going to be hypervigilant in excluding volunteers who are viewing and exchanging pornographic content. I am truly sorry that this personal failure or sin of yours set into motion this chain of events in your life. Just remember, no matter how bad you feel, Jesus loves you infinitely and has an amazing plan for your life. We all have to remember that sin destroys this plan. When we sin, no matter how we feel, we need to put our trust in Him and return to confession to make it right. Then we have to abide in Him through participating in the Church (at least Sundays and other Holy Days of Obligation).

God bless.

 

[Maurits]

The thing is: you could not defend yourself. The church, disregarded what Christian branche, it has mistakes. Erotisism is one. If not one of the worst.

Remember how this blew up in the own face recently.

There are more things about this. But the thing is the great commandment. Christ came, not to do away with the law but to fullfill it. That is just what the great commandment shows.

So basically your best response would have been something knowledgable like above. And that you are thinking about this as, how to call it, a study subject. I’m not sure how to call it.

You could not stand and e.g. let it be you that said: I will go if there is a problem, I did not expect you to be searching my phone.

But then still. It is a bad thing to be confronted with. It is the whole organisation and all Christian branches that have the same error.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I’m sorry you feel so low as a result of this chain of events. But, I must say that I certainly would have felt uncomfortable if I felt you were doing these things on your phone while I was in the vicinity! Calling you a potential rapist is perhaps a bit strong, but then again it depends on exactly what was in that phone (and please don’t tell us!).

I do wonder if perhaps you were not quite ready to be a part of this apostalate especially if

That whole situation ruined my relationship with God. Bad… as months pass I slowly saw myself not going to confession anymore, not going to mass, smoking marijuana again, partying, sex, anything you could name. My life did a complete 180…

It seems to me that your focus should be on repairing your relationship with God. Repent of your sin, avail yourself of the sacraments, and seek spiritual and/or professional counseling to help you cope with your feelings of shame and rejection.