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bmaj
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I’m very proud of you, Sarah. Don’t write off all men as unworthy of trust, though. It appears there are many good Catholic or Christian men (both on these forums and in the world in general) who make loving, considerate husbands and actually follow Church teachings. When the right one comes along, you’ll know it after you get to know him well. In the meantime, this was a very important lesson to learn. There are many of us wives out there who wish they’d learned it years ago before saying “I do” and now are living with the difficult results. I sure wish this website had been around way back then for all of our sakes.
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MJJean
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Honey, I’d seriously begin to really look at his behaviors with new eyes and see him for what he is because I have a feeling you never knew him at all and were in love with an idea of him and a life together.
For example, you are catholic. Exactly how would you describe his relationship with your faith? Well, above you wrote a nice bit about what he would say re: the Church.
I wonder if he is “sensitive” or if maybe he just doesn’t care for criticism of any kind and is the type to throw a fit when he hears it so he doesn’t have to hear it.
He refuses to avail himself of actual help for his mental illness. Even knowing that not getting real help makes him an unstable and poor partner for any woman.
He cuts and runs when things get difficult.
He plays games and manipulates/attempts to manipulate you.
He has obvious sexual problems he is not interested in dealing with appropriately.
See where I am going? And that’s just from what I can remember of the thread. I imagine there is a lot more that hasn’t come up if you think about.
You are a lucky gal! You did dodge a bullet. I didn’t. And I’m still paying for it in many ways even more than a decade after the divorce. You’ve been blessed. Thank the good Lord and don’t go back no matter how he tries to manipulate you. Stay strong. Pray often. As time goes by ignoring him will get easier until he eventually stops trying to contact you. of course, asking him to no longer contact you, getting a restraining order, or blocking him from the phone might be faster.
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MarkInOregon
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As a man I am baffled that you think he treats you well. There is no way that putting on your tights and panties and masturbating while fantasizing about other women is treating you well and you need to realize that. If he is fantasizing about other women then he is already cheating on you in his heart and eventually… If you were the love of his life he would not be doing that.
You should take some time and review the studies on the devastation that pornography brings to everyone–it does great harm to him, to you and to society. God wants better for you and you deserve someone who will cherish you and not pornographic images, someone who loves you so much that they want to commit their whole person to you–that wants to become one with you. If this man loved you he would want whats best for you and he would sacrifice all for you–yet it doesn’t sound like he is even willing to give up viewing porn for you–in other words he loves pornography more than he loves you and that is something to think about. Put it in God’s hands and know that he wants more for you and above all pray.
The peace of Christ,
Mark
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dshix
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By the time a thread has over 80 posts, it’s generally not a good idea to just reply to the OP without reading anything. You’re way behind the story at this point: read the thread.
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Sarah_Sinner
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Yeah it definitely looks like I’ve had a lucky escape, and yes, more stuff would probably come to the surface bit by bit. For him to actually leave the country just because I told him I wasn’t happy about his porn use and masturbation is completely inappropriate and childish, if not plain weird. I didn’t condemn him, I actually offered to help him but he doesn’t want help, because he doesn’t want to change. Infact, he probably intends on carrying on like this for the rest of his life. I’ll pray for a miracle for him. Coz he needs divine intervention. :angel1:
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Sarah_Sinner
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As a man I am baffled that you think he treats you well. There is no way that putting on your tights and panties and masturbating while fantasizing about other women is treating you well and you need to realize that. If he is fantasizing about other women then he is already cheating on you in his heart and eventually… If you were the love of his life he would not be doing that.
You should take some time and review the studies on the devastation that pornography brings to everyone–it does great harm to him, to you and to society. God wants better for you and you deserve someone who will cherish you and not pornographic images, someone who loves you so much that they want to commit their whole person to you–that wants to become one with you. If this man loved you he would want whats best for you and he would sacrifice all for you–yet it doesn’t sound like he is even willing to give up viewing porn for you–in other words he loves pornography more than he loves you and that is something to think about. Put it in God’s hands and know that he wants more for you and above all pray.
I know, a man should cherish his girlfriend/fiancée/wife
The peace of Christ,
Mark
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Sarah_Sinner
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I know, a man should cherish his girlfriend/fiancée/wife
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Sarah_Sinner
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Stupid me for not deleting him off fb. Saw photo in news feed last night of him abroad “sight-seeing”. I think he’s just qualified as a jerk and I think I’ve just qualifie:blush:d as a fool…
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bisco
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have you reported his behavior to the pastor at your parish? he should not be administering the eucharist.
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Sarah_Sinner
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I was actually thinking last night should I tell the priest that he gives out Communion the morning after ejaculating all over his hand. I’ve already told the priest about how he dumped me 3 months before the wedding and was in a rage and he said has he ever been violent and I said occasionally but that’s his illness, he said what’s the illness and I said schizophrenia. This guy is taking up way too much of my brain space. I need to put him behind me, get a life, and move on …
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bisco
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there is a good book by JP II called ‘love and responsibility’, which i think you would benefit greatly from. i pray that you can put this person behind you and move on with your life in Christ.
blessings!
blessings!
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MJJean
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Do you think you can put him out of your mind and truly move on with your life knowing he is doing what he is doing and then administering the Eucharist? If not, explain the whole situation to his pastor.I was actually thinking last night should I tell the priest that he gives out Communion the morning after ejaculating all over his hand. I’ve already told the priest about how he dumped me 3 months before the wedding and was in a rage and he said has he ever been violent and I said occasionally but that’s his illness, he said what’s the illness and I said schizophrenia. This guy is taking up way too much of my brain space. I need to put him behind me, get a life, and move on …
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Sarah_Sinner
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Honesty, I don’t know. The hardest part of this break-up is the fact that everyone will assume that it must have been my fault, since he’s such a nice, holy, man. He is highly respected in the community for his church involvement and voluntary work. The only reason he has that voluntary job is coz his psychiatrist said it would be therapeutic, not because he genuinely enjoys volunteering his free time. The priest doesn’t actually like him anyway, coz a few months he (my ex) gossiped about him, saying he have him a bad confession. The priest went to him and said do you realise the damage you have done to my reputation, why didn’t you come straight to me if you had a problem with the confession.
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bisco
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you’re letting your pride get in the way of correct thinking. imagine staying with someone and being unhappy for the rest of your life just so the community wouldn’t think ill of you. spend more time praying and worrying about what God thinks of you. pray the rosary and ask our Blessed Mother for help and intercession!
blessings.
blessings.
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Sarah_Sinner
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You’re right. I shouldn’t care what people think of me, but in a small community it’s very easy to become marginalised over even a small rumour, and I’m scared. My confidence is pretty low and I feel broken inside over all this. I had a dream last night that I told the priest (a different one but in the same parish) that my ex will masturbate then give out communion the next day, and in the dream the priest said We all sin. I know there’s a light out there but I’m full of anger, you know the whole self-pity Why me thing. I’m still in love with him, yet at the same time, I feel disgusted when I think about the things he used to do. I was so much happier before I met him. I wish I could get back to that place. Sorry for the rant, just full of different emotions. But yes, I am le
tting my pride to get in the way- Status