Past sins, confession, and a broken mind

[Pray4Life]

I should start out by saying that I am a convert, and I am also scrupulous.

From so many years between attaining the age of reason and my first Confession, I have a LOT of past mortal sins that would need to be mentioned in the confessional. I received spiritual direction from a priest and made a General confession early in my life as a Catholic (which I do not think I was very well prepared for.)

Anyway, since then, being around my family after a long absence I am remembering a lot of past sins sufficiently serious that they probably would need a mention. But I am confessing past sins, from years ago, every confession I make! I have been Catholic for 5 years now.

It would be one thing if I were sure this was necessary, but I’m not (maybe part of the scruples). There is a good chance I confessed all of this before, but to be blunt, I have had serious incidences of mental illness in the past few years, which by itself can affect memory, and am on medication that definitely affects my memory. There are just chunks of my life, sometimes significant ones, I don’t even remember, as evidenced when other people do (and can’t believe that I don’t.)

And of course it’s natural to forget some things as life plods on when you don’t think about them much. I have a hard time remembering if I’ve confessed something or not and have the feeling I keep confessing things that are already taken care of. It leaves me feeling trapped in the past, like I can’t get away from my sins. I keep remembering things, here and there…then wondering if I confessed them…then mentioning them “just in case” I didn’t…over and over again. (I do have to change confessors pretty often as I move quite a bit, even if the priest were able to remember for me, but I try to stick to the same one wherever I end up).

Does the Church make any provisions for those suffering from memory problems, or am I doomed to keep confessing the same things over and over for the rest of my life? I should mention I am 26 so this could potentially take a while. And prayers welcomed as well, though I am aware this is not the request forum.

 

[BSHoop96]

I should start out by saying that I am a convert, and I am also scrupulous.

From so many years between attaining the age of reason and my first Confession, I have a LOT of past mortal sins that would need to be mentioned in the confessional. I received spiritual direction from a priest and made a General confession early in my life as a Catholic (which I do not think I was very well prepared for.)

Anyway, since then, being around my family after a long absence I am remembering a lot of past sins sufficiently serious that they probably would need a mention. But I am confessing past sins, from years ago, every confession I make! I have been Catholic for 5 years now.

It would be one thing if I were sure this was necessary, but I’m not (maybe part of the scruples). There is a good chance I confessed all of this before, but to be blunt, I have had serious incidences of mental illness in the past few years, which by itself can affect memory, and am on medication that definitely affects my memory. There are just chunks of my life, sometimes significant ones, I don’t even remember, as evidenced when other people do (and can’t believe that I don’t.)

And of course it’s natural to forget some things as life plods on when you don’t think about them much. I have a hard time remembering if I’ve confessed something or not and have the feeling I keep confessing things that are already taken care of. It leaves me feeling trapped in the past, like I can’t get away from my sins. I keep remembering things, here and there…then wondering if I confessed them…then mentioning them “just in case” I didn’t…over and over again. (I do have to change confessors pretty often as I move quite a bit, even if the priest were able to remember for me, but I try to stick to the same one wherever I end up).

Does the Church make any provisions for those suffering from memory problems, or am I doomed to keep confessing the same things over and over for the rest of my life? I should mention I am 26 so this could potentially take a while. And prayers welcomed as well, though I am aware this is not the request forum.

Talk to the priest. My understanding is that when you confess, you confess all the sins you can **honestly **remember. Ask forgiveness for these AND for any you cannot remember. Then you will be absolved of these sins. If you happen to remember a really serious one and it bothers you, you could bring it up the next time but I really would talk to my priest about this and your tendency towards scrupulosity. I believe you are probably too hard on yourself.

 

[Ruthie]

BSHoop is quite right. You have *already *been absolved and forgiven for those past sins.

I, too, have memory problems. I had a long and sinful life, and I’m sure I didn’t cover it all in my first, loooong confession. But Father assured me that *all *my past sins were forgiven. When something comes up and I wonder if I confessed it, I reassure myself that it is already forgiven, so I just tell Jesus, “If I forgot to confess this, I’m sorry.”

But if something comes up that I’m *sure *I didn’t mention, I cover it in my next confession, just as an exercise in humility. Which I need a lot more of!

God bless you,

Ruthie

 

[YipYupYep]

you are just about as forgiven as anyone on earth at that split second in time. I would say that only a convert can carry around less negative baggage. Baptism cures all spiritual problems like nothing else. From the moment you were born to the moment of Baptism was like it never happened. After your Baptism, the old-you wasn’t even there from before. You don’t have a past.

Look at it this way. On the day you were Baptized, you were borne a brand new creature in our Divine Master. That was day one. So, keep a clean nose from now on and forget the past.

Correct me if I am wrong.

 

[Oakleaf]

Pray4Life, it sounds like your heart is in the right place and you are trying to do the right thing and set yourself straight with God. That is all anyone can do.

 

[AHapka]

I had the same feelings you did too. One thing I did that was helpful was making a general confession with a priest where I poured over and discussed my past life, and the sins along the way. It took some time, but he then told me (as my religious superior) that it was over, and to not dwell on the past sins anymore.

If you have a priest who is willing to take the time, it will help you remember all of your past sins, and then you can go away and move on from that point in time forward.

It was helpful for me.

 

[teachccd]

As was already mentioned, when you are absolved after making a valid confession ALL of your sins are forgiven. But you mentioned that your memory is impaired so that you cannot remember which sins you confessed. O.K. Next time you go to confession write down all of the sins that you confessed. Some of those may include the ones that you had previously confessed. That is o.k… Just scratch them off of your list unless you commit them again. I doubt that you committed so many different kinds of sins. Categorize them (using the ten commandments as your guide) and then confess all of those sins that you can remember.

God does not expect more from us than we can handle. You are doing your best and God knows that. God’s mercy is bigger than any sin that we can commit and His essence is infinite love. Quit beating yourself up and know the forgiveness of our Lord. I would not want my children worrying about something that they may or may not have offended me with ten years ago. Surely God wouldn’t want us to either.

Utilize a notebook to help your memory and smile. God loves you so much. And remember that the notebook is for you because God does not keep one. You are in my prayers as I hope to be in yours…teachccd