Pastor Problems

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lindacmptn

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I am not sure what to do, I have a Pastor who does not visit the sick. He says he does but to get him to go he normally has to be embarassed into finally going. This has been going since he came. Our last two Pastors where fabulous and our church was thriving. This Pastor doesn’t seem to care about the congregation after Mass is over. He is an excellent homilest. He is very nice if you call and want to talk to him (over the phone). He is good as long as it is at the Parish. Getting him to go to Homes, Hospitals, and Nursing homes only happens when mandated. In the past year six people have complained about his apathy towards the sick. My Mother has made it clear that he will not be the Priest that buries her. My teenage daughter has stopped going to church because “he doesn’t practice what he preaches he is a fraud.”

The icing on the cake recently, an older woman in the church was in the hospital six months. She died last night. She never received her The Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick. The Parish Priest never showed up.

I am torn. I love my parish but I see his apathy as cruel, lacking in compassion, and not merciful. I have left a message that I want to meet with him and discuss my leaving the parish.

Truthfully, I don’t except him to return my call. He knows everyone is angry. The last time I talked to him about his visiting the sick he politely but firmly told me it was not my business and that he was very busy. In every other respect we have a good relationship but not on this issue.

Please advise.
 
Is it possible that there is some other reason why he is not visiting the sick? For instance, does he have a problem with driving? I’m just thinking that sometimes when something seems otherwise out of character for someone there can be another reason for the behavior that they are perhaps not comfortable relating to others. I know our pastor has problems eating in public, therefore, he never accepts invitations to dinner in people’s homes. He doesn’t really like to tell anyone about it, and he doesn’t really understand why he has that difficulty. Someone who doesn’t know this might think they were being snubbed. All I’m trying to say is that sometimes there’s more than meets the eye so be careful about judging. Of course, if it is interfering with him performing his priestly duties, it could be a problem that needs addressing. If he’s not willing to discuss it, then I guess you could approach your bishop in a charitable manner.
 
Likewise to what Miss Piggy said, he could have an aversion to (or fear of) death, dying, hospitals, hospice workers, etc. He could for some reason not be at peace or struggling with some personal issue and confronting the reality of our mortality is frightening to him.

My choir director in college was a priest, chaplain of my university. I got to know him very well, and he eventually shared how difficult it was for him as a new priest (he had been ordained for only two years when I met him, and was still pretty young) to visit the sick and dying. He said it reminded him of his father who had died when he was 17.

A few years later, his ailing mother passed on. I remember meeting him for lunch to talk about things and catch up, and we touched on how difficult it STILL was for him to visit the sick and dying–how much he feared getting old and how hard it was to be faced with human fragility.

I live very far away from this priest now, but we still keep in touch and I know that even now, when more years have passed, he continues to struggle and persevere.

Perhaps there are some really personal issues at play that he does not feel comfortable sharing with you or anyone else. Try to have compassion. I doubt his lack of action is in any way malicious.
 
Maybe you should become the EM that does all that and you can handle the annointing of the sick…(I think). If not call another parish and get that priest to do. Also Priests that are in the Charismatic movement are heavy into this so that is your best alternative. Perhaps if he will not do this stuff it is your calling to take up that cross as much as you can.
 
I would be more concerned with matters at home, like your teenage daughter who stopped going to church. One Pastor can’t be everything to everyone. Celebrate what’s good about him… you listed several things, rather than focusing on what he’s lacking. And then pray how YOU can help fill in gap.
 
Church Militant:
Maybe you should become the EM that does all that and you can handle the annointing of the sick…(I think). If not call another parish and get that priest to do. Also Priests that are in the Charismatic movement are heavy into this so that is your best alternative. Perhaps if he will not do this stuff it is your calling to take up that cross as much as you can.
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A lay person can bring communion to the sick, but no lay person can administer the sacrament of anointing of the sick.
Can. 1003 §1 Every priest, but only a priest, can validly administer the anointing of the sick.
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lindacmptn:
I
The icing on the cake recently, an older woman in the church was in the hospital six months. She died last night. She never received her The Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick. The Parish Priest never showed up.
Please advise.
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in this case, if she had been in the hospital, the diocese here has assigned chaplains in every hospital, and if she or the family had made her wishes known to the nursing staff the priest would have been there the next day. this is the system because it is simply impossible for the priest to do all the sick visits, he would have time for nothing else. All our priests do double duty with at least one diocesan assignment as well as parish duties.

In general I have written here about this problem before and I agree with you completely. The priest who has a personal problem in dealing with the sick and dying needs pastoral counselling and training immediately to overcome his problem, and needs to be counselled about getting his priorities in order. The same thing goes for the 15 minute confession sessions once a week.
 
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puzzleannie:
The same thing goes for the 15 minute confession sessions once a week.
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Those short sessions drive me CRAZY. Several parishes in my area have SEVERAL priests assigned to each parish, and still only one shows up for very long lines and then when they decide confession is over, they just walk out of the confessional and ignore those who are in line and still need to go. And no, it has little to do with mass preparation. It irritates me beyond belief.
 
In case of emergency when you cannot get a priest from your parish call the cathedral. That usually produces rapid results - from your parish.
 
The pastor of my church likes to do the minimal as well. It’s rather like pulling teeth to get him to go out of his way for anyone. I think he gets burned out interacting with people. He’s not a big people person, and is emotionally immature at times.

He is a fantastic homiliest who is constantly preaching the gospel of Love quite inspirationally. That is his gift. But, as far as himself, he is quite limited.

I think it’s a draining thing to be a parish priest, and they can get burned out. Everyone has a lot of expectations and sometimes priest can emotionally shut down, just like anyone else. They can suffer depression, anxiety, etc, like other people. The emotional demands of the job are great and everyone has their limits.

So, I think you ought to find another solution for this problem because your priest doesn’t want to deal with it. Accept what you have no power to change and try and find other creative solutions to your dilemma. 🙂
 
Maybe this could be a calling for the parishioners to step up and start something. A lay apostolate that visits the sick and aides people to get to Church.

As for your daughter, that sounds a bit odd to me. Ask her if the priest IS the Catholic Deposit of Faith. Why would she abandon the Catholic Faith because a person can’t perfectly follow that Faith.
It would be like me abandoning Addition because someone else can’t Add.

Also I would be hesitant in being too angry over something, if I wasn’t willing to do the same thing myself.
 
Our parish has a group of volunteers who make hospital visits. A priest, of course, confers the sacraments when needed. With hospital visits nowadays generally short, people can be in and out of the hospital before the parish even knows.

In fact, under the current HIPPA law, the parish WON’T know unless the patient specifically asks that they be notified. Under HIPPA, the hospital is not allowed even to confirm that someone is a patient, without prior authorization.
 
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JimG:
Under HIPPA, the hospital is not allowed even to confirm that someone is a patient, without prior authorization.
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That is incorrect information. That rule only applies to mental hospitals. For general hospital patients, if someone already knows and calls for information, we are only allowed to give a very general report of the patient’s status. We aren’t allowed to divulge any details, however, without authorization by the patient, but we can confirm that, yes, they are there.

I know this because I’m a hospital nurse and we had to have extensive inservices on HIPPA. Of course, we’ll happily call a priest if someone requests it. In that dept. we operate no differently than before. We are a small community hospital and the local churches supply people of their choosing to minister to their members.
 
Thanks for the correction, White Dove; I was given incorrect information. If I’m in the hospital, I want the parish to know!
 
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JimG:
Thanks for the correction, White Dove; I was given incorrect information. If I’m in the hospital, I want the parish to know!
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If you want that,then have someone let your parish know that you are in the hospital or tell the nurse and the hospital will contact the priest assigned to that hospital
 
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WhiteDove:
If you want that,then have someone let your parish know that you are in the hospital or tell the nurse and the hospital will contact the priest assigned to that hospital
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down here, the procedure at the hospitals is to have a list available daily for the chaplains, but only a small number of patients indicate a religion or a wish to be visited by a chaplain. If they are on the list they get an automatic chaplain visit, and if Catholic, arrangements are made for sacraments if requested. You can also call the parish and ask the priest to visit, but it depends on the priest. Our town has 3 Catholic churches who rotate “duty days” and one of the 3 priests takes emergency sick calls on his on-call day. Getting on the hospital list at least gets you speaking to a warm body.
 
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puzzleannie:
down here, the procedure at the hospitals is to have a list available daily for the chaplains, but only a small number of patients indicate a religion or a wish to be visited by a chaplain. If they are on the list they get an automatic chaplain visit, and if Catholic, arrangements are made for sacraments if requested. You can also call the parish and ask the priest to visit, but it depends on the priest. Our town has 3 Catholic churches who rotate “duty days” and one of the 3 priests takes emergency sick calls on his on-call day. Getting on the hospital list at least gets you speaking to a warm body.
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Yes, bigger hospitals usually work this way. I work at a very small one.We don’t even have a security person.
 
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