Peacemaker or busybody?

[Lil]

Here’s a moral question to chew on: you have two friends who are neighbors. They have a dispute and each of them comes to you and tells you their side of the story. Both have short fuses, both blame the other. Neither is innocent. Both are partially right and fully self righteous. You have a choice: wash your hands of it and let the chips fall, which will eventually lead to a fist fight between your rough-and-ready neighbors resulting in at least one of them going to jail, OR try to skillfully state the obvious, which is that each of them has a blind spot in their dealings with each other.
The fundamental question is this: at what point does one go beyond merely reacting and listening and actively try to alter the course of events? At what point does one cross the line between passive friend and active busybody?
Lil’

 

[LisaB]

I would consider the needs of the people involved in a disagreement. Would they benefit from you listening or would they benefit more from you getting involved? In the specific question you pose, I would interfere and try to change the course of events if I could. Keeping a friend out of jail would, in most cases, qualify as acting with good intentions. Of course, we have to be sure that we use moral means to achieve a moral end, so I would make sure my efforts weren’t manipulative or self-serving.

 

[TheGarg]

Lil':

Here’s a moral question to chew on: you have two friends who are neighbors. They have a dispute and each of them comes to you and tells you their side of the story. Both have short fuses, both blame the other. Neither is innocent. Both are partially right and fully self righteous. You have a choice: wash your hands of it and let the chips fall, which will eventually lead to a fist fight between your rough-and-ready neighbors resulting in at least one of them going to jail, OR try to skillfully state the obvious, which is that each of them has a blind spot in their dealings with each other.
The fundamental question is this: at what point does one go beyond merely reacting and listening and actively try to alter the course of events? At what point does one cross the line between passive friend and active busybody?
Lil’

I would tell them both the truth, lovingly, even if it wans’t what they wanted to hear. I won’t lie to save my pride, so i won’t do it for someone else.

 

[deb1]

Lil':

Here’s a moral question to chew on: you have two friends who are neighbors. They have a dispute and each of them comes to you and tells you their side of the story. Both have short fuses, both blame the other. Neither is innocent. Both are partially right and fully self righteous. You have a choice: wash your hands of it and let the chips fall, which will eventually lead to a fist fight between your rough-and-ready neighbors resulting in at least one of them going to jail, OR try to skillfully state the obvious, which is that each of them has a blind spot in their dealings with each other.
The fundamental question is this: at what point does one go beyond merely reacting and listening and actively try to alter the course of events? At what point does one cross the line between passive friend and active busybody?
Lil’

The problem is that you said they have short fuses. SUch people do not take helpful criticism well. You might end up getting embroiled in the conflict yourself-with both set against you. That doesn’t mean that when they talk you can’t gently let them know that you think that both of them are partially in the wrong. If at this point you are asked what you mean, you can explain. After that-or if you are told to mind your business-let it drop.

 

[demolitionman65]

Simply and lovingly confronting another person in error is not being a busybody; you are following the Gospel call to correction.

 

[Lil]

many thanks for your thoughts. To “do the right thing” is perhaps the least supported course of action in the world, but it is the only right way. Most people would councel for self service, I am grateful that you do not. I keep thinking about how much skill and diplomacy it takes to be a genuine help to someone and not an additional nuisance.
many thanks; pray for peace.
Lil’

 

[Lisa_N]

Quite honestly if you weren’t there for the encounter or issue that caused the dispute, your deciding who is at fault or giving advice is pretty speculative. You may simply respond positively to the person with the better story or the one who makes her case more articulately.

I’d stay out of it if I were you. Tell each lady when she launches in that you don’t feel it’s appropriate to listen to gossip about another and that by listening you are forced to participate and thus engaged in a sin.
Lisa N

 

[TheGarg]

Lisa N:

Quite honestly if you weren’t there for the encounter or issue that caused the dispute, your deciding who is at fault or giving advice is pretty speculative. You may simply respond positively to the person with the better story or the one who makes her case more articulately.

I’d stay out of it if I were you. Tell each lady when she launches in that you don’t feel it’s appropriate to listen to gossip about another and that by listening you are forced to participate and thus engaged in a sin.
Lisa N

lil’ can’t “stay out of it”, as lil’ stated, the friends are “comeing to her”…they want her opinion