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H4M
Guest
Hi, I’m hoping some kind people here will be willing to help me. I will try and keep it simple…ish.
I am married to a lovely man who is catholic, I believe his faith is strong and he shows it every day. Yet he cheated on me.
I confronted him 2 months ago with the “evidence” I had found, at first he denied all of it, but eventually he admitted that he had been unfaithful, he had sex with another woman whilst I was carrying our child, and had been speaking explicitly to other females throughout our relationship. I was devastated and still I find it hard to believe that my husband, my best friend, could do that. I chose to stay, I love him… and I am prepared to work on our marriage and I hope to find trust in him once again.
But yesterday he told me he lied, that he never did have sexual encounters with any other woman. He made it up.
He wrote me a letter which I hope will make more sense to you than it has to me;
To my dearest …
This may be hard for you to believe and understand what I am about to tell you. There is no excuse for my actions and I accept all the consequences that may follow. When you found out about that woman I had spoken to in a lustful way I did some penance by beating my back. When you found out I was hurting myself you asked me to stop. I did, but I had to find a way to match what you were going through and I played on your emotions. When you asked me if I had sex with any of them, this was my opportunity to create the guilt that I could feel and offer it up as penance. I have never slept with anyone else as you say “hand on heart” I am not like that.
I am sorry I’ve put you on an emotional roller coaster but I take my religion seriously and it had to be done this way.
I love you more than words.
So… my question is, can that be real? The way he chose to do his penance? Hurt me to heel himself? I haven’t asked him questions regarding it yet as he says his penance ends in 2 more weeks. But I’m so confused as an atheist I’m not educated in these areas and he knows it. Please could someone shed a bit of light on whether he is just covering up as he doesn’t want me to think less of him, or is he really telling the truth? I know its impossible to know but given the reason for penance does it seem like something that would actually happen?
Please dont worry about pushing me to divorce if you think it’s a lie, I still love my husband regardless, but I must know the truth in order to move on.
I hope this makes sense as I ramble on.
Many thanks for reading so far. Thank you.
I am married to a lovely man who is catholic, I believe his faith is strong and he shows it every day. Yet he cheated on me.
I confronted him 2 months ago with the “evidence” I had found, at first he denied all of it, but eventually he admitted that he had been unfaithful, he had sex with another woman whilst I was carrying our child, and had been speaking explicitly to other females throughout our relationship. I was devastated and still I find it hard to believe that my husband, my best friend, could do that. I chose to stay, I love him… and I am prepared to work on our marriage and I hope to find trust in him once again.
But yesterday he told me he lied, that he never did have sexual encounters with any other woman. He made it up.
He wrote me a letter which I hope will make more sense to you than it has to me;
To my dearest …
This may be hard for you to believe and understand what I am about to tell you. There is no excuse for my actions and I accept all the consequences that may follow. When you found out about that woman I had spoken to in a lustful way I did some penance by beating my back. When you found out I was hurting myself you asked me to stop. I did, but I had to find a way to match what you were going through and I played on your emotions. When you asked me if I had sex with any of them, this was my opportunity to create the guilt that I could feel and offer it up as penance. I have never slept with anyone else as you say “hand on heart” I am not like that.
I am sorry I’ve put you on an emotional roller coaster but I take my religion seriously and it had to be done this way.
I love you more than words.
So… my question is, can that be real? The way he chose to do his penance? Hurt me to heel himself? I haven’t asked him questions regarding it yet as he says his penance ends in 2 more weeks. But I’m so confused as an atheist I’m not educated in these areas and he knows it. Please could someone shed a bit of light on whether he is just covering up as he doesn’t want me to think less of him, or is he really telling the truth? I know its impossible to know but given the reason for penance does it seem like something that would actually happen?
Please dont worry about pushing me to divorce if you think it’s a lie, I still love my husband regardless, but I must know the truth in order to move on.
I hope this makes sense as I ramble on.
Many thanks for reading so far. Thank you.