Penance only and no advice or direction?

  • Thread starter Thread starter lizaanne
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lizaanne

Guest
Have you ever been to confession, only to receive ONLY a penance and not one single word of advice or spiritual direction? How did you feel about that? Are you ok with only receiving a penance and absolutely nothing else from the priest?

This happened to me last week, it’s never happened before, and I was really thrown for a loop! I walked out of the confessional wondering what had just happened, it all went by so quickly, it felt like a drive by confession. It was just very strange.

This is how it went:

Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned, it’s been three weeks since my last confession. I … (listing of various sins.)

Father: Your penance is to say the Our Father five times. Please say your act of contrition.

Me: Act of contrition

Father: Absolution

That’s it. It was very strange. Does this happen a lot? I go to confession pretty regularly, at the very least once a month, usually more frequently. And I’ve never experienced this before. 🤷

~Liza
 
It happens sometimes 🤷 I go at least every two weeks, so my confessions tend to be shorter and less in-depth.

To be honest, if my confession only involves a handful of venial sins I’d prefer not to get the full-on counselling session and to get it over and done with quick.
 
In my younger days, when my sins were more embarrassing, I used to seek out the priest who never talked to you. He’d say something like keep trying to do better, and that was it.

Now, older, wiser and more boring, I want the advice.

There is a priest where we go who says almost nothing, or so I’ve heard from my DH. I’ll pass on that, unless I’m in dire straits.

I guess an experience like that forces you to think about the essence of the sacrament, which is the forgiveness of your sins. You can’t be distracted by the interaction with the priest.

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
I guess an experience like that forces you to think about the essence of the sacrament, which is the forgiveness of your sins. You can’t be distracted by the interaction with the priest.

Betsy
Click to expand...
You are so very right about this, Betsy. And that is what I tried to focus on after leaving the confessional, that I was still absolved of my sins, and that the rest didn’t matter. It was just such a strange and sterile incident, it really threw me.

And I had wondered, before I walked into the confessional, why the lady before me came out with such a strangely stunned look on her face. 😛

~Liza
 
Honestly, a great deacon I know said that all too often, people go into the confessional wanting a spiritual director instead of a confessor. That’s what appointments with the priest are for. Confession is for absolution, not spiritual direction. It is nice if the priest gives you some advice, but when you start getting into in depth discussions, you prevent others in line behind you from possibly getting their sins forgiven due to lack of time.

Another thing he mentioned is that oftentimes people will go on and on about their individual sins. This is another problem in the confessional because people are discussing their sins instead of confessing them. Yes, you need to include circumstances that modify the nature of the sin, but that is different from loquacity (incontinence of speech). If you fall into this habit, be sure you are not trying to explain away your sins, and you are not tying up the priest too long.

Be brief, be sorry, be gone - as the adage goes.
 
Windmill said:
Honestly, a great deacon I know said that all too often, people go into the confessional wanting a spiritual director instead of a confessor. That’s what appointments with the priest are for. Confession is for absolution, not spiritual direction. It is nice if the priest gives you some advice, but when you start getting into in depth discussions, you prevent others in line behind you from possibly getting their sins forgiven due to lack of time.

Another thing he mentioned is that oftentimes people will go on and on about their individual sins. This is another problem in the confessional because people are discussing their sins instead of confessing them. Yes, you need to include circumstances that modify the nature of the sin, but that is different from loquacity (incontinence of speech). If you fall into this habit, be sure you are not trying to explain away your sins, and you are not tying up the priest too long.

Be brief, be sorry, be gone - as the adage goes.
Click to expand...
I agree with what you said and I will even go further to say that God desires a contrite heart more than a long drawn out penance. I would get irritated because at one time I thought that my sins were so bad, I wanted the priest to sentence me to 60 hours working at a soup kitchen. Instead he told me to say the Hail Mary 5 times.

I think that the lesson in penances such as these is that in order to be better people, we must be prayerful people.
 
Windmill said:
Honestly, a great deacon I know said that all too often, people go into the confessional wanting a spiritual director instead of a confessor. That’s what appointments with the priest are for. Confession is for absolution, not spiritual direction. It is nice if the priest gives you some advice, but when you start getting into in depth discussions, you prevent others in line behind you from possibly getting their sins forgiven due to lack of time.

Another thing he mentioned is that oftentimes people will go on and on about their individual sins. This is another problem in the confessional because people are discussing their sins instead of confessing them. Yes, you need to include circumstances that modify the nature of the sin, but that is different from loquacity (incontinence of speech). If you fall into this habit, be sure you are not trying to explain away your sins, and you are not tying up the priest too long.

Be brief, be sorry, be gone - as the adage goes.
Click to expand...
Great advice! The Sacrament and spiritual direction are 2 different things. The priests at our parish usually do give a word of advice or 2, but to tell the truth, I KNOW what I should be doing. The point of confession is to be sorry for what I did wrong and get absolution.
 
At my last confession, last week, my priest told me I was being too hard on myself! And my penance was to say the Hail Holy Queen. Of course, our priest is old and has been around the block a few times and I imagine he gets tired of hearing the same old-same old from people. But he never gives advice - that’s what an appointment with him is for, or a spiritual director is for.
That’s my experience anyway.
 
I grew up with the standard 3 hail mary’s or a couple our fathers…maybe a half dozen if I was really naughty…

but now i go to a young and creative priest my penance may be writing positive things, talking to someone, reading a paragraph from the Bible or Saint writings, to treat someone to lunch, or even taking a walk.

At first I thought he was cruel and unfair and giving me THE WORST penance’s ever. It would take me months.

Then I was in the mood that I’d do my own set of prayers because the priest wasn’t serious.

Now I value his penances more than anything. I value any penance even if it is the standard hail mary’s. Its about a repration to God and a healing within yourself.
 
I’ve only ever experienced the type of confession you described. I’m a 39 year old cradle Catholic. I didn’t know priest gave advice in the confessional! LOL
 
lizaanne said:
Have you ever been to confession, only to receive ONLY a penance and not one single word of advice or spiritual direction? How did you feel about that? Are you ok with only receiving a penance and absolutely nothing else from the priest?

This happened to me last week, it’s never happened before, and I was really thrown for a loop! I walked out of the confessional wondering what had just happened, it all went by so quickly, it felt like a drive by confession. It was just very strange.

This is how it went:

Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned, it’s been three weeks since my last confession. I … (listing of various sins.)

Father: Your penance is to say the Our Father five times. Please say your act of contrition.

Me: Act of contrition

Father: Absolution

That’s it. It was very strange. Does this happen a lot? I go to confession pretty regularly, at the very least once a month, usually more frequently. And I’ve never experienced this before. 🤷

~Liza
Click to expand...
I had one once that was more like this.

Me: Bless me Father for I have sinned, it’s been three weeks since my last confession. I … (listing of various sins.)

Father: Your penance is to say the Our Father five times.

Father: Absolution

In addition to no advice/spiritual direction, I also was not asked to make an Act of Contrition. It bothered me because I had confessed a mortal sin at that confession. I did say the Act of Contrition privately, along with my penance. I know my confession was valid since the absolution was given, but I have never gone to that priest again for confession since I felt so uncomfortable with the speed of it.
 
When I first returned to the Church after decades away, I made a general confession. The priest gave me a short, simple penance. He gave no advice, only asked if I was sorry for my sins. However, I strongly felt the sacrament delivered to me.
Another priest, who tends to give advice, became annoyed with me when I tried going to confession once a week. “What could you have possibly done in a week?” Even if there is no grave sin, it must be important to receive the grace that comes with the sacrament and I think I’ll try going every two or three weeks now. I heard the Pope goes once a week.
👍
 
The only time I’ve ever gotten more than a few words of advice was when I made a general confession, but I had an appointment for that so there was no one waiting in line.
 
lizaanne said:
Have you ever been to confession, only to receive ONLY a penance and not one single word of advice or spiritual direction? How did you feel about that? Are you ok with only receiving a penance and absolutely nothing else from the priest?
Click to expand...
yes, most of the time. I would only expect specific advice if I asked for it.

I try not to make the mistake of confusing the grace of the sacrament inherent in the action of Jesus Christ, with either my onw actions or those that depend on the personality of the priest, rather than on his action in the person of Christ.
 
Well, this has been most interesting! It seems as if most of you have only or mostly experienced the quick confession with no comments. Hmmm.

I should clarify though, that I absolutely do NOT carry on a conversation with the priest in the confessional. That would be horribly rude to those waiting after me, and to Father as well, given that the confessional is not the time for a counseling session. I totally understand and agree with this. But I have never ever had a confession where the priest just didn’t say anything AT ALL. Usually it is a short commentary on how to “sin no more”, or things to do to keep myself on track so that I don’t sin. That’s it, then I say “yes, Father”, or “thank you, Father”, and I’m asked to state the act of contrition. And this has been priests at many different Churches around SE Michigan.

Maybe it’s a Michigan thing? 🤷

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
Well, this has been most interesting! It seems as if most of you have only or mostly experienced the quick confession with no comments. Hmmm.

I should clarify though, that I absolutely do NOT carry on a conversation with the priest in the confessional. That would be horribly rude to those waiting after me, and to Father as well, given that the confessional is not the time for a counseling session. I totally understand and agree with this. But I have never ever had a confession where the priest just didn’t say anything AT ALL. Usually it is a short commentary on how to “sin no more”, or things to do to keep myself on track so that I don’t sin. That’s it, then I say “yes, Father”, or “thank you, Father”, and I’m asked to state the act of contrition. And this has been priests at many different Churches around SE Michigan.

Maybe it’s a Michigan thing? 🤷

~Liza
Click to expand...
What you are describing has been my usual experience too. I only had one experience where the priest said nothing besides the penance and absolution after I confessed.
 
The last two times I confessed the Pastor only told me that he doesn’t give penances, that he leaves that up the the person to figure out what he/she needs to do to ammend their relationship w/God but that it had to fix what they confessed.

No act of contrition or advice, just “it’s up to you to decide what your penance will be… good thing is that you came to show you repent and want to heal your relationship with God”, and then absolution… I thought this was weird and still think it’s weird… :confused:
 
yessisan said:
The last two times I confessed the Pastor only told me that he doesn’t give penances, that he leaves that up the the person to figure out what he/she needs to do to ammend their relationship w/God but that it had to fix what they confessed.

No act of contrition or advice, just “it’s up to you to decide what your penance will be… good thing is that you came to show you repent and want to heal your relationship with God”, and then absolution… I thought this was weird and still think it’s weird… :confused:
Click to expand...
I have never been asked to pick my own penance. The priest has always assigned one.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top