People Who Arrive Late to Mass

[Pacbox]

Could this personhave a job that prevents him/her from getting to mass earlier?

Well, then the dress code is non-existant because this person shows up like they threw on whatever was at hand.

Could this person have a developmental disability of other disability that makes him/her unable to speak?

I’ve heard this person speak to their spouse and their teenager so they can speak. And they speak to me when they point to the spot next me. And they will on rare occasion say “Peace” during the Sign of Peace.

Could this person be dependent on public transport, which typically runs less frequently on Sundays, to get to mass or is dependent on a friend to get to mass?

No. I’ve seen them go to the parking lot and go to their car. Plus, even the buses around here fun frequently enough on Sundays to make it on time to Mass.

Could this person have a developmental disability (i.e. high functioning autism) that makes him/her uncomfortable with change and sitting next to you gives him/her consistency?

Well, this person would have to hunt find me since they always come in during the Gospel and I don’t sit the same pew every week.

 

[JPUSC]

Well, this person would have to hunt find me since they always come in during the Gospel and I don’t sit the same pew every week.

That is hilarious if they are actually trying to find you every Sunday.

Try sitting in the most random, out of reach spot this Sunday and see if they still sit next to you.

 

[Sarabande]

Some ushers blocked people arriving for Mass during the “entrance hymn” (or should I say rock n’ roll solo) at a local parish community. Really turned me off. It makes the Mass seem more like a theatre with a couple of pseudo security guards in polo shirts. It creates more of a spectacle when you have a crowd of people at the entrance being blocked. Ridiculous.

TOTALLY!!! That’s exactly how I felt… like I was at a concert and we were waiting for the first act to end before being showed to a seat. They even had speakers out in the vestibule for the “latecomers” to sit and listen ---- just like they do at many concert halls I’ve attended for classical music concerts and operas.

I don’t know, I just don’t like that policy. You know, sometimes even after I’ve attended mass while traveling or just around town or even during the week, I will stop in at a church to say a quick prayer. Sometimes, it will be during a mass that I didn’t know was going on. I’m very discreet coming and sitting in the very back of the church to say my prayer. I would hate to be turned away like I was at a concert. Sometimes I need to say my prayer in a church before going on my way again.

 

[Sarabande]

I have the same problem (but I don’t travel by train ). People always talk to me, random strangers just seem to have to talk to me. Babies and small children stare at me. I don’t know what it is. There’s nothing special about me, nothing stands out but random people just seem to want to talk to me. I don’t get it.

That’s the thing… perhaps there is something “special” about you (I believe everyone has a special quality) that others do see and want to be around.

But I’m with you. I don’t really get it with myself either.

 

[Cobbfmly]

…I’ve heard this person speak to their spouse and their teenager so they can speak…

So is it just this person or his/her whole family who is always late? If it is just this person, it seems odd that s/he doesn’t seek out his/her family rather than you.

 

[JPUSC]

TOTALLY!!! That’s exactly how I felt… like I was at a concert and we were waiting for the first act to end before being showed to a seat. They even had speakers out in the vestibule for the “latecomers” to sit and listen ---- just like they do at many concert halls I’ve attended for classical music concerts and operas.

I don’t know, I just don’t like that policy. You know, sometimes even after I’ve attended mass while traveling or just around town or even during the week, I will stop in at a church to say a quick prayer. Sometimes, it will be during a mass that I didn’t know was going on. I’m very discreet coming and sitting in the very back of the church to say my prayer. I would hate to be turned away like I was at a concert. Sometimes I need to say my prayer in a church before going on my way again.

I know, what gives people the right to block people from entering the House of God? It’s like having some officers block the entrance to your parents’ house!

One of the ushers even yelled and chased after a man who didn’t know the rules and that caused more of a stir than if he had been allowed to enter quietly. Not to mention, it was more distracting to the people already seated to see the crowd building up and to have them all rush in at once right before the first reading.

I don’t even pay attention to people walking in during the processional nor do I even notice them. I think a policy like this is absolutely absurd and attracts attention. Funny thing is, the particular Mass where I witnessed this was a LifeTeen Mass. If they were doing this to raise more reverence, they must be oblivious to the actual Mass going on.

The usher (if we really do have a need for him) is supposed to help people find seats, not prevent people from getting past him. Lord help us all.

 

[theotikos]

Sort of inspired by the leaving Mass early thread but mostly just coming from experience, why do some people show up so late to Mass that it seems almost pointless?

Now, I understand the kids taking forever to get out of the house, weather (common here), health reasons, etc. but there are others, well actually this one person who always shows up super late, never says ANY of the prayers at Mass, receives Communion, lights a candle, waits till the end of Mass, and then rushes out the door. And this person sits in the pew with such a look of contempt on their face like they are deigning to be there and that it’s such a chore that they would rather not be there. The only reason I know this and know this well is that this person forever chooses to sit next me and invade my personal space when there are plenty of space in the pews in front of me or behind me. This person almost always shows up during the Gospel or Homily and even one occasion showed up during the Creed. Now, we only have one Mass in the morning in Sundays and it hasn’t changed in years (we’re a small parish).

So this person comes up the aisle during the middle of the Gospel, points at the very small space between me and the other person in the pew and then climbs over me to stand in the pew. All I wanted to do was tell this person was to go away because a) they had invaded my personal space (this person was standing very close and I have sensory and personal space issues) and b) why bother showing up when all you do is stand, sit, and say nothing and c)treating the Mass like it was unimportant enough to show up to the whole thing. I held my tongue but my mind was in overdrive. I was very overwhelmed by this (like I said sensory and personal space issues) that I was crying and praying to get over something so stupid that was bothering me so much as someone who couldn’t be bothered to respect my personal space.

And not saying any parts of the Mass, I know it’s not hard. They’re all in English, the Missalette is in the holder on the back of the pew in front of you, and Father tells you where we are. But this person refuses and clamps their mouth shut so as to say nothing. Not even a “Peace be with you” when exchanging the Sign of Peace. And yes, this person can speak, because I heard them speaking to their spouse who came with them, who also said none of the prayers during Mass.

I guess I just don’t understand why someone would come to Mass late, say none of the prayers, receive Communion, go light a candle (there’s a statute of Jesus in the little hallway by the side entrance and the sacristy), and then rush out of Mass at the end.

I understand legitimate reasons for being late just not this person. And rarely do other people come in late. The latest people ever come is during the middle of the entrance song or even during the Gloria but that’s it and they have little kids so it’s understandable.

So why bother showing up late when you can attend another Mass in full at another time?

To be honest, I am a bit annoyed about this thread but I decided to comment because I cannot keep my peace. The point made that it is respectful to arrive early and not disrupt the service is clear. What I don’t understand is the criticism of the individual made on part by those in attendance that nerves me? Since it bothers some so much, why don’t they set aside the person after mass and tell them, 'Hi I’m sorry to say this but I am bothered and disrupted when you come late to mass, can you arrive earlier next time, thank you." Doesn’t this sound wrong either way. Like a poster mentioned, it is better in my opinion that they made the effort to show up to mass than to not show up at all. I have no contentions over Catholics who arrive late, because I am focused on the service, the homily, and/or Eucharist, and I dare not judge anyone in any way even if it is on righteous grounds, because I am in God’s House. I have noticed that when babies cry or speak loud and the mother is trying hard to quiet her child, that others look at her with disdain or contempt, and I am quite nerved about it. If you want to have a Eucharistic celebration in peace and quiet, I suggest you wait until you reach Heaven, God be willing, because we are on earth and Catholics are only human.

 

[Mike_Dye]

I can recall a story in that vast cavern of cobwebs that used to be my memory of a critical care nurse that gave up her lunch hour to be able to rush to the closest Mass knowing she would be late and left early in order to get back to the hospital in time.

 

[Lainey63]

Like I said, I understand there are people who can’t help being late due to health, corralling kids, weather, car won’t start, etc. Most people have valid reasons.

It’s just this one person who seems to not be bothered to show up before the Gospel. Every time this person shows up for the Mass, the earliest is the middle of the Gospel or during the middle of the Homily. This person does not care that they are late and impacting other people by their behavior. It’s like they are deliberately late and refuse to change their behavior. And then this person, for no reason I can discern because I know there are plenty of empty places to sit before they get to me, deliberately sits next to me no matter if there is space to do so or not. Especially since there isn’t.

Maybe God is trying to teach you something through this person. Not only are you are letting this person steal your peace. There is obviously some reason this person keeps gravitating to you. You can see she is unhappy maybe you should say an extra prayer for yourself & her (is it a she?). I know it can be hard but lots of times I have noticed that for me God has put people who I find to be irritating & rude in my life to teach me to live my faith. Who knows maybe if you get to know this person you may really become great friends.

 

[Hlafdige]

You don‘t by any chance have „autistic spectrum“ issues, do you? Sensory hypersensitivity and being stressed out by physical crowding are common in people who do. Hans Christian Andersen, who wrote the tale of „The Princess on the Pea“, is thought to have had Asperger Syndrom.

The awful thing is that these same people also are impaired in their ability to communicate nonverbally, and since asserting and respecting personal boundaries is largely a function of nonverbal communication, people around them aren‘t perceiving any boundary that they need to respect, so we Aspies often end up getting stepped on literally or figuratively. Ouch. I hope some socially competent person here can give you advice that helps. Otherwise, mentally place your distress on the altar at the offertory – among the gifts God‘s people bring, this one is surely precious in His sight.

 

[Pacbox]

So is it just this person or his/her whole family who is always late? If it is just this person, it seems odd that s/he doesn’t seek out his/her family rather than you.

This person arrives with their family in tow.

 

[Pacbox]

To be honest, I am a bit annoyed about this thread but I decided to comment because I cannot keep my peace. The point made that it is respectful to arrive early and not disrupt the service is clear. What I don’t understand is the criticism of the individual made on part by those in attendance that nerves me? Since it bothers some so much, why don’t they set aside the person after mass and tell them, 'Hi I’m sorry to say this but I am bothered and disrupted when you come late to mass, can you arrive earlier next time, thank you." Doesn’t this sound wrong either way. Like a poster mentioned, it is better in my opinion that they made the effort to show up to mass than to not show up at all. I have no contentions over Catholics who arrive late, because I am focused on the service, the homily, and/or Eucharist, and I dare not judge anyone in any way even if it is on righteous grounds, because I am in God’s House. I have noticed that when babies cry or speak loud and the mother is trying hard to quiet her child, that others look at her with disdain or contempt, and I am quite nerved about it. If you want to have a Eucharistic celebration in peace and quiet, I suggest you wait until you reach Heaven, God be willing, because we are on earth and Catholics are only human.

Okay, first this is really hard to read since it’s so small. I made the point that this particular time it irritated me more than it should have. I usually don’t care either way if someone is late or not since I don’t know why. It’s just that in this instance with this particular person they end up making a scene when none is necessary. No one has blamed this person I mentioned for being late and neither do I. Everyone had been charitable. Like I said, the situation should not have bothered me but it did and did so to such an extreme that it caused me to be upset over something trivial.

 

[Pacbox]

You don‘t by any chance have „autistic spectrum“ issues, do you? Sensory hypersensitivity and being stressed out by physical crowding are common in people who do. Hans Christian Andersen, who wrote the tale of „The Princess on the Pea“, is thought to have had Asperger Syndrom.

The awful thing is that these same people also are impaired in their ability to communicate nonverbally, and since asserting and respecting personal boundaries is largely a function of nonverbal communication, people around them aren‘t perceiving any boundary that they need to respect, so we Aspies often end up getting stepped on literally or figuratively. Ouch. I hope some socially competent person here can give you advice that helps. Otherwise, mentally place your distress on the altar at the offertory – among the gifts God‘s people bring, this one is surely precious in His sight.

I’ve never been tested for it. I just know that as I’ve gotten older (I’m 27) situations with a lot of people take a lot more out of me. I have to mentally prepare myself before I go anywhere. Personal space and having people respect it has always been an issue because people violated mine so easily when I was younger. And I don’t really like being touched either (though I have a pretty good idea where that comes from). And I never really learned to stand up for myself. Even when telling people not to touch me or be near me they touch me anyways or stand closer. It gets really unnerving.

I spent most of Mass praying to let the irritation go away and was in tears (I was really stressed out by the situation and I really believe I shouldn’t have been).

 

[Sarabande]

I’ve never been tested for it. I just know that as I’ve gotten older (I’m 27) situations with a lot of people take a lot more out of me. I have to mentally prepare myself before I go anywhere. Personal space and having people respect it has always been an issue because people violated mine so easily when I was younger. And I don’t really like being touched either (though I have a pretty good idea where that comes from). And I never really learned to stand up for myself. Even when telling people not to touch me or be near me they touch me anyways or stand closer. It gets really unnerving.

I spent most of Mass praying to let the irritation go away and was in tears (I was really stressed out by the situation and I really believe I shouldn’t have been).

I feel where you are coming from. I’ve gone through a period like that myself. It has always taken and still takes a lot of out me mentally to be around a large group of people. That’s because I’m a major introvert - which there isn’t anything wrong with being contrary to popular belief. (Are you an introvert? Have you ever read “The Introvert Advantage”? It’s a great book. Extroverts, which are the majority in the world, have no idea and sometimes have no understanding of what introverts go through sometimes.) And personal space was a very big thing for me as well, having had mine violated as a child.

You felt stressed out about it… don’t say you shouldn’t have been. You can’t help how you feel. It’s natural to have feelings. But you can help how you react to your feelings. You didn’t react badly towards that person, which is good. And you had to let your frustration and irritation go out by writing it down. That is also a good thing to do, especially if you are introvert. Even further you wrote it on a forum to try to get some feedback at how you are feeling and were reacting to it. Good and bad can come of that as we all well know.

Anyway, tomorrow, before going to mass, pray and mentally prepare yourself to encounter this gentleman again with his family. When you are there and if he does come in, try to allow yourself to be totally open. You might experience something that will be helpful to you and perhaps even helpful to him. It could be during mass with no verbal communication at all, or even after mass. Prayers for you. God bless.

 

[Jerry-Jet]

If you love someone and have a date at their house you’d try as much as possible not to be late.

If you’d do that with ordinary people–wouldn’t you do that with Jesus at His house?

 

[Cat]

I haven’t read this whole thread, so I apologize if I re-state what someone else has stated.

This is all surmise on my part, but it is based on real experiences that I have had or that others have had.

When I read the OP, my impression is that the latecomer is mad at God and His Church for some reason, and is coming to Mass and DARING God to prove that He really is a loving God.

Yes, that sounds just awful, and it is tempting to condemn this person.

But think about it. What has happened to make him/her so mad at God and His Church?

I have a (Catholic) friend who married a wonderful man when they were both in their 40s. They were deliriously happy for several months, and then he started acting a little strange. It got worse and finally, he went to the doctor. The diagnosis was Alzheimers. Yes, in his 40s. He continued to get worse and a few years later entered a nursing home. He’s currently in a fetal position with no memories at all.

My friend tells me that she was spitting mad at God for quite a while. This is a horrible thing to suffer through, and I think I would be mad, too! Maybe you are strong enough that you would simply accept this and praise God, but most of us would be bitter.

Eventually she worked through it, devoted herself to her husband and the Church, and is happy again. He’s hanging on to life–pray for him and her.

And that’s what this latecomer could be doing–working through it all, whatever “it” is, and working his/her way back to a trusting relationship with the Lord. He/she is giving God His due by attending Mass, and challenging Him to give graces in spite of his/her anger. He/she doesn’t really believe that God can make him/her happy again, but he/she is at least willing to meet God halfway and give Him a chance. (Think about it–he/she could just stay home and watch those real-estate shows that are on every Sunday morning.)

Who knows what made him/her this angry? It could be an illness or death of a loved one. It could be a financial disaster, a child’s rebellion, abuse (perhaps in the Church?), etc.

That fact is, he/she is not whole right now. BUT…he/she is in the RIGHT PLACE to be made whole, and that is at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. He/she is certainly not there with the proper attitude, but God knows what he/she is going through, and He is probably more disposed to look kindly upon this person than He is to look kindly upon someone who has all the blessings of this world, but still spurns the Mass and the Eucharist.

I would suggest that rather than being frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc. at this person, that you try to imagine them with no legs or arms and with bleeding festering sores where the stumps are. He/she is struggling to get up the steps into the Church building, struggling to move down the aisle, struggling to climb up into a pew, struggling to bear the pain of the wounds without groaning out loud. No one wants to help because the wounds are disgusting, and the smell is overpowering and he/she is disturbing to watch as he/she wriggles along the floor like a protozoa.

THAT may be where your latecomer is right now, but the amputations are in the heart, not in the body, so you can’t see them, and you can’t smell the infection in the spiritual wounds, and you can’t hear the inner groans of pain. But it’s all real inside that person.

Like I said, it’s all surmise and I could be totally wrong. The person may just be a stripper who always does one lap-dance too many before dashing off to Mass because they wants the extra money, and you’re absolutely correct to be upset. But I’m guessing there’s something very painful inside, and the behavior at Mass, including the lateness, is an expression of the pain. Have mercy.

We all need to be more merciful. Think of what Jesus went through, knowing that many would reject Him. He died for them anyway.

 

[Sarabande]

Cat - Your story is a perfect example of how we really don’t know the underlying reasons for habitually late people at mass. There are inconsiderate people who will be late to anything, but I think there are also many who are not. Some may not be angry at all, but may have other problems and/or responsibilities that take all their energy - caring for aging parents, agoraphobia, a habitually late spouse who in turn makes everyone in the family late (could add to a person’s anger), other mental and emotional problems which the person is trying to work through. These are people we need to pray for and perhaps help if we can.

 

[forever_always]

Sort of inspired by the leaving Mass early thread but mostly just coming from experience, why do some people show up so late to Mass that it seems almost pointless?

Now, I understand the kids taking forever to get out of the house, weather (common here), health reasons, etc. but there are others, well actually this one person who always shows up super late, never says ANY of the prayers at Mass, receives Communion, lights a candle, waits till the end of Mass, and then rushes out the door. And this person sits in the pew with such a look of contempt on their face like they are deigning to be there and that it’s such a chore that they would rather not be there. The only reason I know this and know this well is that this person forever chooses to sit next me and invade my personal space when there are plenty of space in the pews in front of me or behind me. This person almost always shows up during the Gospel or Homily and even one occasion showed up during the Creed. Now, we only have one Mass in the morning in Sundays and it hasn’t changed in years (we’re a small parish).

So this person comes up the aisle during the middle of the Gospel, points at the very small space between me and the other person in the pew and then climbs over me to stand in the pew. All I wanted to do was tell this person was to go away because a) they had invaded my personal space (this person was standing very close and I have sensory and personal space issues) and b) why bother showing up when all you do is stand, sit, and say nothing and c)treating the Mass like it was unimportant enough to show up to the whole thing. I held my tongue but my mind was in overdrive. I was very overwhelmed by this (like I said sensory and personal space issues) that I was crying and praying to get over something so stupid that was bothering me so much as someone who couldn’t be bothered to respect my personal space.

And not saying any parts of the Mass, I know it’s not hard. They’re all in English, the Missalette is in the holder on the back of the pew in front of you, and Father tells you where we are. But this person refuses and clamps their mouth shut so as to say nothing. Not even a “Peace be with you” when exchanging the Sign of Peace. And yes, this person can speak, because I heard them speaking to their spouse who came with them, who also said none of the prayers during Mass.

I guess I just don’t understand why someone would come to Mass late, say none of the prayers, receive Communion, go light a candle (there’s a statute of Jesus in the little hallway by the side entrance and the sacristy), and then rush out of Mass at the end.

I understand legitimate reasons for being late just not this person. And rarely do other people come in late. The latest people ever come is during the middle of the entrance song or even during the Gloria but that’s it and they have little kids so it’s understandable.

So why bother showing up late when you can attend another Mass in full at another time?

I see how this annoys you… it happens at our church and it is really distruptive.

maybe they work? i know some sundays, my fiance and i have to leave before the final song is over (after the priest leaves the alter though) because he will be late to work otherwise. if this is the case with this person, and they are just getting off work (night shift?) then maybe they should look for another parish to go to with a later mass. lately when my finance works on sundays, we have been going to an eight am mass closer by, instead of our usual 10am mass. =]