People who narcissistically misuse religion?

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Peaceable

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I know someone in my family who does this. The issue is not that they’re religiously observant (which is good). It’s that they seem to use their (hyper)adherence to religion as an excuse to not fulfill other valid obligations (like being caring towards other family members) and to scapegoat/badmouth/control others who aren’t as “good” as they are. Any tips on how to cope with someone like this? My own difficulty is because I’m not as scrupulously observant as they are, I’m constantly second guessing myself, and feeling things are always my fault even though intellectually I know it’s not the case…
 
Read Matthew 23, especially verse 23.
 
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I have a family member like this. Just remember gaslighting is a very legitimate possibility with people like this. There is the letter of the law and the spirit of the law… controlling others through religion imho is a very bad thing. I would recommend self assertiveness skills. You still love them, but it doesn’t mean losing you in the process.
 
I hear you, and yes. There is some “what are you talking about/I never did that” gaslighting involved. It’s tough because the more I set limits the more I get badmouthed to friends and family. (Used to happen behind my back, now in front of me). Almost as if my setting limits is proof of my “badness” and that this justifies my being insulted to friends that I’m trying to build connections with. (And then I’m told—why don’t you have many friends?—not true,btw)
 
I suggest you pray for them, be kind and calm around them, and other than that, ignore and avoid them.

If they are as you say, and you are as you say, then people likely see through their antics. It’s unlikely you’re the only target of their trash-talking. Family members are likely to dismiss it with, “Oh, there goes Auntie X badmouthing someone over religion again. Yawn. What time’s the ball game on again?”
 
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Read this today, thought it might be helpful. Nit a Christian resource though so please read discerningly. Pocket
 
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