Permanent birth control question

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Laurel

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To anyone,

I read this here and remember hearing this before…

We as catholics are taught that it (birth control) is a mortal sin, and if we die in a state of mortal sin, then generally speaking we will not be saved.

I have had a tubal ligation, and I wonder if what I copied here is true, am I doomed to go to hell or what is the churches stand on the subject?
 
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Laurel:
To anyone,

I read this here and remember hearing this before…

We as catholics are taught that it (birth control) is a mortal sin, and if we die in a state of mortal sin, then generally speaking we will not be saved.

I have had a tubal ligation, and I wonder if what I copied here is true, am I doomed to go to hell or what is the churches stand on the subject?
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What you copied is true, but not the whole story. While objectively it is a mortal sin to deliberately self-sterilize, it sounds like you may not have not been aware of its wrongness which might limit your culpability.

In any case, if you acknowledge its wrongness and ask for forgiveness in the sacrament of reconciliation, it is forgiven. And just so you know, you would NOT be obligated to reverse the procedure (although I don’t know the ins and outs as to whether tubal ligation is reverseable), although it would certainly be a good thing to do if possible.

Scott
 
You’re not doomed 🙂

You would need to repent of having it done, and also go to confession. As Scott pointed out, it is possible that for you it was not a mortal sin. But I would go to confession for this one anyway.

BTW, if you got the proceedure done expressly planning on taking advantage of some sort of loophole (“confess” once and get free birth control forever), so to speak, I’d repent of that as well and tell the priest too. Probably has nothing to do with you, though. Just the crazy way my mind works.:o
 
Hi Scott,

I did know that the church frowned on it, but I did not know it was a mortal sin. I do know that I do not want to give birth again. Each birth was incresingly difficult and the last, my boy was 10lbs 2oz and 22in long. He was 2 weeks overdue and I really thought I was going to die during birth. The second, I had perecclampsia and being induced was almost as bad. The first was tolerable, but was done out of wedlock and is another story for another forum.
I would consider adopting a child. I love children. We are now at a piont where 3 is enough for us emotionally and financially and I really don’t want any more for a long time, if I ever do decide to be a new mom again. I look forward to being a Grandma someday, my oldest is 15.
I think a reversal is impossible as my fallopian tubes were “cut and burned” as they say. I can’t say I would even if I could though. I know no matter what, I don’t want to give birth again. I could never have an abortion and could not give a child away. This is why I made this decision in the first place. My husband, half heartedly, agreed.
Under the circumstances, I don’t think I could confess this and not be a liar at the same time.
I look forward to your response.
 
Hi Pug,

Does my last response change your mind about anything you said to me?. BTW, tks for your response.
 
A question we have to ask is what does God want us to do? If we are trying to do everything he wants then I believe forgiveness is close. It might in confession become a question of having a good medical reason not to have a child. Now we can find healing in lots of ways by praying, doing charitable works or sacrifices as we have to believe Jesus will find a way to perfect us if we ask him.

John
 
As you have given more details, I would have to recommend taking it up with your confessor rather than offer my pointy-headed speculation that carries zero authority. 😃

Scott
 
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Laurel:
To anyone,

I read this here and remember hearing this before…

We as catholics are taught that it (birth control) is a mortal sin, and if we die in a state of mortal sin, then generally speaking we will not be saved.

I have had a tubal ligation, and I wonder if what I copied here is true, am I doomed to go to hell or what is the churches stand on the subject?
Click to expand...
What you wrote is almost correct. Let me re-word it for you.

“We as catholics are taught that it (birth control) is a mortal sin, and if we die in a state of (un-repented or persistent) mortal sin, then generally speaking we will not be saved.”

The stand of the Church is that you would possibly have committed a Mortal sin and should seek forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If possible, without undue risk and you are able, you should have it reversed. In either case you should be sorry that you ignored or didn’t follow the teaching of the Church and seek forgiveness. At that point you could return to the Sacraments in a state of Grace.
 
Laurel,

The three components for confession are as follows:
  1. contrition
  2. resolve not to sin again
  3. commitment to do prescribed penance
Contrition includes either fear of hell (imperfect) or sole sorrow for offending God (perfect). Imperfect contrition is far more common, and while it might include sorrow for having offended God, we are generally still sorry because we fear the consequence of hell. God understands this. It is through the sacrament of reconciliation, when we humble ourselves before the Lord, that we receive his mercy and forgiveness. I suspect that if you did not fear hell and did not feel sorrow about offending God, you would not be seeking out answers on a Catholic forum. 🙂

Resolving not to sin again…well, your tubes are gone. You can’t tie/burn them again. However, you must still resolve to be open to life and to never again do anything to thwart the possibility (i.e. supporting a vasectomy for your husband, etc.) of life.

As for penance, you must be committed to whatever the priests asks you to do in order to remit some of the temporal punishment associated with the effects of your sin.

Something to think about, perhaps, is choosing to “practice” NFP with your husband as if you were/are really fertile. The sacrifice of staying apart from your husband, sexually, for a time each month might be very pleasing to God and perhaps he will use that sacrifice to a) remit temporal punishment and b) make better known to you the awesome gift of your fertility.

Again, talk to a priest!

Hope my thoughts help. Be at peace.
 
Br. Rich SFO:
What you wrote is almost correct. Let me re-word it for you.

“We as catholics are taught that it (birth control) is a mortal sin, and if we die in a state of (un-repented or persistent) mortal sin, then generally speaking we will not be saved.”

The stand of the Church is that you would possibly have committed a Mortal sin and should seek forgiveness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. If possible, without undue risk and you are able, you should have it reversed. In either case you should be sorry that you ignored or didn’t follow the teaching of the Church and seek forgiveness. At that point you could return to the Sacraments in a state of Grace.
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You are not required to have it reversed. There is no “should” about it. It is simply a possibility.
 
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Laurel:
Hi Pug,

Does my last response change your mind about anything you said to me?. BTW, tks for your response.
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Laurel,

Sorry I didn’t answer last night…it turned out that a new (to me) episode of Star Gate was on, and I like watching it because it puts me out for the night!

It didn’t change my mind, but everything says to me you need to find some peace about this issue. The last thing I want to do is add to your burden on this, but I don’t want to tell you something that is compromised truth either.

It is okay to be in a place in your life where giving birth again is not the right choice for you. I also think a person could feel relief that they don’t have to deal with certain issues anymore (NFP?). Probably you’d need to be able to say that you know you should not have gotten the operation and should have planned on abstaining or some other correct method (and that you’re sorry, of course).

You cannot confess if you would have to lie to do so. But you need to think about what part of the thing would seem like a lie. I think a couple who goes through natural menopause may feel a certain gladness, perhaps that they no longer have to practice NFP. You might feel it is a lie becuase you have some gladness that you will never have to do NFP. There is a nuance here. There is some level of being glad you are sterile that would be okay, but that you mention the word “lie” may be important.

You do not need to undergo a surgical risk to reverse the procedure. You do not need to feel like you have to want to reverse it, either. Wanting a surgical risk is not required. A couple with just cause to be avoiding pregnancy would not typically have a reason to (“want” to) undergo risk to increase fertility.

I guess I should mention that it is possible to be a person who “should have known better” about whether something is a mortal sin or not. Only you and/or God know if you are in this category. Also, even if it wasn’t a mortal sin when you did it, you may be worrying about it now (and asking on the forum) because you are worried about your heart now, as regards the surgery, rather than about your heart back then. That’s why I still feel talking to a priest could help with that “now” part.

God loves you very much. I wish you the very best!
 
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Princess_Abby:
You are not required to have it reversed. There is no “should” about it. It is simply a possibility.
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Yes Princess in moral theology there is a principle of restitution or the reversal of a wrong committed.

In other words if I steal something. Am sorry for stealing it, go to Confession and I am forgiven. I still need to personally return the item to the rightful owner. I can’t keep it. If I cannot possibly return it to the rightful owner. I must give it to someone who can or who can at least make positive use of it, from which I do not benefit.

As noted above. This would be a decision between you and your confessor, considering among other things, your means, risks and alternatives.
 
Br. Rich SFO:
Yes Princess in moral theology there is a principle of restitution or the reversal of a wrong committed.

In other words if I steal something. Am sorry for stealing it, go to Confession and I am forgiven. I still need to personally return the item to the rightful owner. I can’t keep it. If I cannot possibly return it to the rightful owner. I must give it to someone who can or who can at least make positive use of it, from which I do not benefit.
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Christopher West (whose book Good News About Sex and Marriage, Laurel should acquire) suggests that people who have deliberately serilized themselves might start afresh by coming to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and then by asking each other’s forgiveness for being unfaithful to the commitments they made in their marriage vows. Interesting thought.

West also recommends reversal where possible for those who find no peace otherwise and who have the means to do it. It is expensive, insurance rarely pays for it, and since surgery involves some amount of risk, reversal is not a moral necessity. **“Nevertheless, genuine contrition and repentance are a moral necessity.” **(p. 129)

West suggests that one way of showing repentance is by abstaining from sex for a set time each month as if you were practicing NFP.

Praying for resolution and peace for you.
 
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mercygate:
Christopher West (whose book Good News About Sex and Marriage, Laurel should acquire) suggests that people who have deliberately serilized themselves might start afresh by coming to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and then by asking each other’s forgiveness for being unfaithful to the commitments they made in their marriage vows. Interesting thought.

West also recommends reversal where possible for those who find no peace otherwise and who have the means to do it. It is expensive, insurance rarely pays for it, and since surgery involves some amount of risk, reversal is not a moral necessity. "Nevertheless, genuine contrition and repentance are a moral necessity." (p. 129)

West suggests that one way of showing repentance is by abstaining from sex for a set time each month as if you were practicing NFP.

Praying for resolution and peace for you.
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Thanks, mercy. Exactly what I was referring to.
 
I had a vasectemy about 20 years ago. When I was away from the Church. It is the worst decision I ever Made. My urologist advised me That reversal is impossible. I have confessed this and have been forgiven. But the effect of my decision has killed the intimacy of my marriage. My wife is Anti-Catholic and blames the lack of intimacy on my reversion to the Church.
 
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gus:
I had a vasectemy about 20 years ago. When I was away from the Church. It is the worst decision I ever Made. My urologist advised me That reversal is impossible. I have confessed this and have been forgiven. But the effect of my decision has killed the intimacy of my marriage. My wife is Anti-Catholic and blames the lack of intimacy on my reversion to the Church.
Click to expand...
 
Hi all,

I went back to find this, as this is something that has been on my mind a lot too. The thought that everytime my husband and I are intimate, we could be committing a sin is very disturbing.

Some more fyi for those who know of my other story, my Mother was the one who really pushed for me to get this done. Don’t get me wrong, I was all for it. Also though, I know if I mentioned I have been considering a reversal, she would for lack of a better expression, totally freak out!.

Do I care anymore?, I don’t really think so. I don’t really know what I feel about her right now.

I wish all these things had come up at another time. I am so overwhelmed with emotions I am starting to feel a bit numb inside.

How could I even consider another child when my oldest needs me so much?

How could I even be thinking about this now?

Thanks for listening. Also, I am going to go back and re-read all of your posts soon.
 
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