Personal Question about Sex within Marriage

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Brigid_Pray4Me

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My husband and I are recent converts.

Around this time last year, we were in serious marital trouble. We were fighting non-stop, and it concluded with a knock down, drag out, ANGRY night on our anniversary. After this night, we had a serious talk. We HAD to review our marriage, pick out the good things, work on this, and find our true love for each other again. We started going to RCIA, and since getting closer to GOD have become increasingly more close with one another. During all of this, we have chosen to abstain from sexual contact until we feel we are spiritually ready again.

You have to understand, that we were basically getting to know each other all over again, and we felt that sex was not something we needed to focus on at that particular time. Also, with my not being on birth control, the last thing we needed was to bring a baby into our chaotic home.

Well, it’s been almost 7 months. I’m starting to feel the want again. I know he is feeling the want again. The past few nights I have tried to initiate things, only to be turned down and left feeling rejected.

As my husband is going through a really hard time emotionally (ldeath in the family), I have not pushed the issue. BUT, I have wanted to for a few months now and my frustrations are starting to turn into outward anger that I am directing in the wrong places. Not to my husband, but to myself and just personally throwing fits when I’m alone. I know this is unhealthy. I know I need to go to confession for this.

I guess my question(s) is; How do I approach this issue in a Godly manner? How can I be a supportive wife and approach this in a healthy way? How do I say I’m feeling rejected and that we need to start having relations again for God and for ourselves, without coming off as saying, “you’re sinning to deny me this, and I’m mad at you.”?
 
I think you need to go to counseling. You’ve done what you could do on your own, but not having sexual intimacy for months is something pretty radical for a couple to do. Make an appointment for marital counseling ASAP. Call Catholic Charities so that you know the counselor will have a Catholic background.
 
Brigid,

The first few years of marriage are the hardest because of the adjusting to a very different way of life. But I think that you already have stated what you need to say – but just need to say it to your husband. Tell him that you love him very much and then gently tell him that you are “feeling rejected and that you both need to start having relations again for God and for yourselves,” That it is a physical expression of your emotion and spiritual love.

If he still refuses try to have him express his thoughts and emotions as to why he has no desire, it could be stress from work, or he just needs to get over the past arguments. The best thing to do is to talk about this and try not to get angry or feel rejected that will cause no good. And remember he chose you to love and you him maybe try to focus on that and talk about the things that first attracted you both to each other.

May God Bless and Keep you both.

Winter
 
Brigid_Pray4Me said:
I guess my question(s) is; How do I approach this issue in a Godly manner? How can I be a supportive wife and approach this in a healthy way? How do I say I’m feeling rejected and that we need to start having relations again for God and for ourselves, without coming off as saying, “you’re sinning to deny me this, and I’m mad at you.”?
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I’m backing TheRealJuliane on this one. Your situation is almost calling out for counseling. You and your husband will lose nothing and will have everything to gain by toning up your communication skills and using the safe environment of a therapist’s office to air your feelings. Like TRJ suggested, start with Catholic Charities for a referral. You also should contact your diocese to be put in contact with a spiritual director who can help you put the sinfulness aspect of your situation into perspective.

Luna
 
Thank you all for the comments. I will pray on it and speak with my husband.
 
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