C
CelticWarlord
Guest
Assuming we’ll all be allowed back out at some point, and with vacation time tentatively just around the corner, Erma has some advice regarding the hundreds of pictures that will likely be taken, and the ensuing slide shows which will undoubtedly be proudly displayed.
"No one wants to see your slides, get that through your head."
"Take seven hundred amateur photos to a war and within minutes everyone will disperse and go home. Most countries consider slides inhumane, but they can be used in confrontations where no peaceful solution is feasible."
"Slides are effective in isolated areas where kitchen table surgery is the only option and anesthetic unavailable. There have been cases where a patient need only hear the click of a remote, a voice introducing a couple met in a diner, and they are out like a light."
"Police are just beginning to realize the benefits of a tray of slides to pry confessions out of criminals who proclaim their innocence until force is used. The problem is they will confess to anything once the slideshow begins. One man claimed he was responsible for firing the shot that killed Bambi’s mother."
"Sleep labs throughout country are finding that slides could replace sleeping pills. For generations, scientists have been desperate to find an effective sleep remedy for insomniacs that is not addictive. Slides fill the bill."
"Parents are always looking for new ways to get their grown children married and out of the nest. Quite inadvertently one night a couple showed slides of their trip to Hoover Dam. When they flipped on the lights their son had packed and gone. This is considered a breakthrough."
"It is within the realm of possibility that slides may one day replace nuclear weapons as bargaining chips in peace talks between nations. If Russia has thirty thousand slides of Lenin trained toward the United States, then the U.S. would stockpile fifty thousand slides of Warren Harding. Only a fool would fire off that first slide."
Code:
- - - - - - -"Take seven hundred amateur photos to a war and within minutes everyone will disperse and go home. Most countries consider slides inhumane, but they can be used in confrontations where no peaceful solution is feasible."
"Slides are effective in isolated areas where kitchen table surgery is the only option and anesthetic unavailable. There have been cases where a patient need only hear the click of a remote, a voice introducing a couple met in a diner, and they are out like a light."
"Police are just beginning to realize the benefits of a tray of slides to pry confessions out of criminals who proclaim their innocence until force is used. The problem is they will confess to anything once the slideshow begins. One man claimed he was responsible for firing the shot that killed Bambi’s mother."
"Sleep labs throughout country are finding that slides could replace sleeping pills. For generations, scientists have been desperate to find an effective sleep remedy for insomniacs that is not addictive. Slides fill the bill."
"Parents are always looking for new ways to get their grown children married and out of the nest. Quite inadvertently one night a couple showed slides of their trip to Hoover Dam. When they flipped on the lights their son had packed and gone. This is considered a breakthrough."
"It is within the realm of possibility that slides may one day replace nuclear weapons as bargaining chips in peace talks between nations. If Russia has thirty thousand slides of Lenin trained toward the United States, then the U.S. would stockpile fifty thousand slides of Warren Harding. Only a fool would fire off that first slide."
