C
CelticWarlord
Guest
Norman Gene MacDonald (born October 17, 1959) is a Canadian stand-up comedian, writer, and actor. He was a cast member for five seasons on Saturday Night Live , which included anchoring Weekend Update for three years. Early in his career, he wrote for the sitcom Roseanne and made appearances on others including The Drew Carey Show and NewsRadio . He starred in The Norm Show from 1999 to 2001. Paste named him #31 on their The 50 Best Stand-up Comics of All Time.
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“And he was standing there, reading one of those big books. You know the kind. Usually you can’t even understand their stupid titles, and when you try to read them you get one word in and get really sleepy. And it’s so stupid to try anyway, because if the stupid book is any good they’ll make a TV movie out of it and then you can watch that instead”
“I could not ignore their withering glances. They looked at me the way real vampires look at Count Chocula.”
“Sometimes a writer’s strike is good. Maybe if we had a writer’s strike now, people would have to read Shakespeare instead of James Patterson.”
“Norm, I’m gonna be straight with you, because I’ve been in this business a long time. If the star of a movie has a personal assistant who, during the production of that movie, butchers over a dozen teenagers, that’s gonna hurt at the box office.”
“Well, the results are in, and once again Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is the richest man in America. Gates says he is grateful for his huge financial success, but it still makes him sad when he looks around and sees other people with any money whatsoever.”
“Now that all hope is gone, a deep relief has taken its place, and I allow myself to enjoy it before the despair sets in.”
“She said she could no longer live in New York, that she was being tormented day and night by some obsessive stalker. This caught me completely by surprise, as I had taken to hanging around Sarah’s apartment, hiding in the bushes day and night, watching her come and go, and I had never seen any signs of a stalker.”
- - - - - - -
“And he was standing there, reading one of those big books. You know the kind. Usually you can’t even understand their stupid titles, and when you try to read them you get one word in and get really sleepy. And it’s so stupid to try anyway, because if the stupid book is any good they’ll make a TV movie out of it and then you can watch that instead”
“I could not ignore their withering glances. They looked at me the way real vampires look at Count Chocula.”
“Sometimes a writer’s strike is good. Maybe if we had a writer’s strike now, people would have to read Shakespeare instead of James Patterson.”
“Norm, I’m gonna be straight with you, because I’ve been in this business a long time. If the star of a movie has a personal assistant who, during the production of that movie, butchers over a dozen teenagers, that’s gonna hurt at the box office.”
“Well, the results are in, and once again Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is the richest man in America. Gates says he is grateful for his huge financial success, but it still makes him sad when he looks around and sees other people with any money whatsoever.”
“Now that all hope is gone, a deep relief has taken its place, and I allow myself to enjoy it before the despair sets in.”
“She said she could no longer live in New York, that she was being tormented day and night by some obsessive stalker. This caught me completely by surprise, as I had taken to hanging around Sarah’s apartment, hiding in the bushes day and night, watching her come and go, and I had never seen any signs of a stalker.”
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