PH detour on son's 1st communionnts to

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Littlehavana

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My husband and I decided private school was best after witnessing Charter school incidents concerning morals. I did a tour of several catholic and non catholic schools. I am Catholic and my PH = protestant husband has attended catholic mass for 7 years without RCIA because he has disagreements with doctrine.
I recently made a huge mistake. I agreed to let him search for his desired church since he agreed to pay for Catholic education. Now he reveals that we need to go to Baptist church on Sundays and if our church requires our son to go to mass at Catholic church He won’t agree to it. He doesn’t mind if I go and feels that the school provides mass on Wednesdays which is more than enough in his eyes.

I have shed a great deal of tears and need prayer and guidance. Will the church deny my sons first communion and reconciliation if he does not attend Sunday Catholic mass? Will the church tell me to let my son decide for himself at a later age ( I believe the church adapts this practice). ? This 2nd question if answered yes will be perfect for my husband and absolute sorrow for me.

May God’s will be done.
 
Littlehavana said:
Will the church deny my sons first communion and reconciliation if he does not attend Sunday Catholic mass?
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If your son is baptized Catholic, once he reaches the age of reason is obligated to attend Sundays and Holy Days. If you don’t intend to bring your child to mass, the priest may delay these sacraments.

The Church has no such teaching of “letting him choose”. If he’s baptized Catholic, he is Catholic. The answe is no.

You made promises to raise children Catholic and your husband was informed of this promise prior to marriage (if you married in the Catholic Church). He consented to Catholic baptism and the promises made at baptism.

It is fine for him to find a church to worship in for himself. It is not fine to demand a Catholic child be removed from the practice of his Catholic Faith.

I suggest you not try to make bargains with your spouse in the future. He doesn’t sound very reasonable.

You and he should consult your pastor for help and for counseling.
 
You and your son can fulfil your obligation by attending Mass on Saturday evening. However, some prep may require you to be at a specific Sunday Mass.
 
Yes this is true, OP. And Sunday evening too if your parish offers it.

Is your husband saying you/your son can’t go to church at all on the weekend or just that he wants you to go to the Baptist Church on Sunday morning?
 
Thank you from for your kindness Monicad. Yes, there are more problems with this picture.
There are 2 sides to everything and I do take the blame for not having the courage to stand more firmly on the Catholic beliefs because I wasn’t knowledgeable enough…

My husband said yesterday, He did gain more respect for the Church because of me and the mass. However, the truth came out.

He is holding onto my promise to go to his choice of church . When told that he made a promise at wedding and baptism he literally scoffed at me and said, "I promised to raise my child as a Christian NOT CATHOLIC. That answers everything.

In addition, He feels 1. I am very selfish 2. I am close minded. 3. Threatening our relationship. 4. We as a family will not impose one denomination on our son. 5. He sacrificed 7 years of his life and now its time for me to sacrifice. (Visuall emphasis was added with his hands as a balance scale that I did very little sacrifice).

He of course tries to repeatedly tell me that my son and I can remain Catholic but just can’t attend Sunday or Saturday mass because we already get the school mass. Weekly

Therefore my heartache truly lies in the catholic teaching that it is a mortal sin by not attending mass on Sunday. Here is the big problem, if my husband knows this doctrine, its all over. He will pull my son from school and will not allow his son to believe in this doctrine. This will be an explosion.

I will go to confession for me…but how will I tell my son that on his 1st reconciliation he needs to say that he hasn’t gone to mass for 1 year. It isn’t his sin but my imposition on him. I was struck by liturgy reading 2 Sundays ago dtsting that anyone who causes someone to sin is truly at fault and will be accused accordingly.

I know that My husband is a very good Christian and very knowledgeable in bible. He is not bound to our doctrine .

I deserve pain and suffering that God wills upon me. I am at fault for many sins. Please join me in prayer for my son to hold onto the truth revealed by the Catholic church.
 
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I say to respect your husband and go to his Church.

Go to Catholic Mass whenever possible…

Let him see that you ARE respecting him, but that you wish to always go to Mass whenever possible.

Do not tell him about the requirement to go. He will not understand what it means, and only see it as a negative rule. If he finds out on his own, he will know that it was because of him.

Just give it time and things may very well work out. You will have a better chance of things working for the better if you respect him THROUGH his forcefullness.

Don’t resent him. Forgive him.

You are not to be blamed for missing Mass! Don’t guilt trip yourself. Its ok!!!

The obligation to go to Mass is not to cause this kind of division between a husband and wife. You are NOT sinning! It’s related to when someone has poor, unjust reasons for not going. When we are lazy, indifferent, or place more importance on doing something other than coming together for worship and Communion. You are not doing any of that. You are under duress, and must act in a way that respects your husband, so that peace can win over.
 
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Many thanks to rcwitness. Those words were awaken to heart.
 
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Littlehavana said:
Therefore my heartache truly lies in the catholic teaching that it is a mortal sin by not attending mass on Sunday. Here is the big problem , if my husband knows this doctrine, its all over. He will pull my son from school and will not allow his son to believe in this doctrine. This will be an explosion.

I will go to confession for me…but how will I tell my son that on his 1st reconciliation he needs to say that he hasn’t gone to mass for 1 year. It isn’t his sin but my imposition on him. I was struck by liturgy reading 2 Sundays ago dtsting that anyone who causes someone to sin is truly at fault and will be accused accordingly.
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Actually Confession requires repentance. You need to get yourself to Mass. Your son may not be sinning but you would be and saying I’ll sin and confess it later is not how Confession works. You can attend with your husband but don’t miss your obligation to do so.
Littlehavana said:
He will pull my son from school and will not allow his son to believe in this doctrine. This will be an explosion.
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If pulling your son from a Catholic school will get him to agree to him going to Mass on a Saturday evening or Sunday morning I’d do it.
 
When you married a non-Catholic, you made a promise to do your best to raise the children Catholic. He had to be made aware of that promise.

So, does he now want you to break that promise you made to God?

The permission to marry a non-Catholic was only granted if the priest determined there was not a danger of you being pulled from the Faith by your non-Catholic spouse.

This sounds much larger issue, have you had a chance to speak with your priest?
 
This!

Just like monicad said…God does not ask us to do the impossible.

You’ll have to make some sacrifices to make this work…and PRAY!!!

Pray for your husband!
 
Thank you everyone for helping me gain peace. I will move forward knowing that God will lead us to him through Jesus Christ, his only son, and the Holy Spirit.

Enjoy your fall season with many blessings.
 
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@Littlehavana, I don’t know whether this conversation is closed. I am an RCIA Catholic who grew up in a strict Baptist denomination. In Sunday school, we were taught that Catholics are not Christians. Our teachers told us that Catholics are idol-worshipers. We were taught the Bible is the only source for Christian faith. It not my business how you raise your child. If you put your son in Baptist Sunday school like the one I attended, he’s going to hear things that will confuse his Catholic faith. God bless you and your family.
 
I have heard this, too. There are several branches of the Baptist faith. Some are reasonable, while others say they’re Bible-believing, but seem to get their theology from Chick tracts. How much do you know about your husband’s church? If you can find him in a reasonable mood, maybe he’ll agree to take your son to Sunday or Saturday mass once every two weeks? Once a month? Occasionally? It’s going to be difficult for your son to get his sacraments.

I don’t envy you, but God is in this. Keep praying, and things may work themselves out. With His help, that is. Praying, and God Bless!
 
I was able to watch 14 out of 14 short video clips on the USCCB section on Christian Unity under beliefs and teachings (they can be found on the website or youtube). The short videos are titled “On the path towards Christian Unity”.
Clip 12 of 14 discussion on Ecumenical Marriages stating 1/4 of Catholic marriages are interchurch couples. It states that during marriage prep. the Catholic party must do all that they can to promise to raise the children as Catholic and the non-catholic is informed what the Catholic promised. This was enlightening.

I liked all the clips and feel that Clips 3, 4,5 and 7 are truly what I needed to hear in my quest build my faith with my husband as we support each other.

Thank you to all of you in prayer for all couples who may be undergoing this journey.
 
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