Plan to Convert. Need Guidance

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KnightErrant

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I’ve seriously considered the idea of converting to Catholicism for a few years now but my family isn’t behind me yet on this. I’m still living at home and won’t be able to move out until I finish college.

What should I do in this situation?

What I had in mind to do was to start attending mass (After all this time of my inactivity on this site, they are finally okay with me attending mass.) and continue to pray for help with this situation. My concern with this plan is it okay to attend mass but not start RCIA for upwards of a year or more? Do you think I should send an email to the priest beforehand and explain the situation(There is an email for the church on the contact us part of their website.) before I start attending? This is a small area and I might stand out in the congregation. I didn’t know if doing this would be too weird.

Advice is appreciated. Thanks!
 
First of all, so glad you are wanting to become Catholic. God grant your desire as he opens the way for you. 😃

If you are over 18, you are free to contact the priest to discuss your situation at any time, if you wish to do that. But, you can simply attend Mass until you feel ready to talk to him, as well. There’s no set order you have to follow. No one will think it odd seeing you at Mass. They may wonder who you are, etc., but no one will make you feel unwelcome because of that–at least they shouldn’t. Catholics come in all shapes, sizes, ages, nationalities, walks of life, etc. All are welcome to attend Mass and fully participate except for receiving communion for those who aren’t Catholic, of course.

Again welcome! May your journey home to the Church be blessed and smooth. I will remember you in prayer. Please say a prayer for me, as well.
 
KnightErrant said:
I’ve seriously considered the idea of converting to Catholicism for a few years now but my family isn’t behind me yet on this. I’m still living at home and won’t be able to move out until I finish college.

What should I do in this situation?

What I had in mind to do was to start attending mass (After all this time of my inactivity on this site, they are finally okay with me attending mass.) and continue to pray for help with this situation. My concern with this plan is it okay to attend mass but not start RCIA for upwards of a year or more? Do you think I should send an email to the priest beforehand and explain the situation(There is an email for the church on the contact us part of their website.) before I start attending? This is a small area and I might stand out in the congregation. I didn’t know if doing this would be too weird.

Advice is appreciated. Thanks!
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Attending Mass is an excellent place to start! You can go to Mass every day, for the rest of your life, and never come into the Church; start the RCIA process when you are ready and your family has had more time to get used to the idea. You can set up an appointment anytime for a talk with the priest, bring your questions, cares and concerns. He will be happy to chat and there is never any pressure to convert; he might be able to give you advice on how to deal with your family’s issues about you coming into the Church. Welcome Home! :grouphug:
 
You may also want to see if there is a Newman Center on your college campus. They will help you, and often have RCIA gatherings.
 
My recommendation would be to get a jump-start on learning about the Church. Peter Kreeft has a book out called “Catholic Christianity” which essentially sums up the Catechism of the Catholic Church in a nice, readable format. It doesn’t replace it, but it covers the essentials very well. It was one of the books they had us read when I was in RCIA.

Since you are still living at home and presumably under the age of 18 you remain under your parents’ authority and if they are opposed to your conversion you should respect their wishes and wait until you are of age and out of their house.
 
KnightErrant said:
I’ve seriously considered the idea of converting to Catholicism for a few years now but my family isn’t behind me yet on this. I’m still living at home and won’t be able to move out until I finish college.

What should I do in this situation?

What I had in mind to do was to start attending mass (After all this time of my inactivity on this site, they are finally okay with me attending mass.) and continue to pray for help with this situation. My concern with this plan is it okay to attend mass but not start RCIA for upwards of a year or more? Do you think I should send an email to the priest beforehand and explain the situation(There is an email for the church on the contact us part of their website.) before I start attending? This is a small area and I might stand out in the congregation. I didn’t know if doing this would be too weird.

Advice is appreciated. Thanks!
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Please look for a private message from me; I can be of help to you,

PRAY MUCH,

PJM
 
KnightErrant said:
I’ve seriously considered the idea of converting to Catholicism for a few years now but my family isn’t behind me yet on this. I’m still living at home and won’t be able to move out until I finish college.

What should I do in this situation?

What I had in mind to do was to start attending mass (After all this time of my inactivity on this site, they are finally okay with me attending mass.) and continue to pray for help with this situation. My concern with this plan is it okay to attend mass but not start RCIA for upwards of a year or more? Do you think I should send an email to the priest beforehand and explain the situation(There is an email for the church on the contact us part of their website.) before I start attending? This is a small area and I might stand out in the congregation. I didn’t know if doing this would be too weird.

Advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Click to expand...
Sure, you can, but it’s only an option. Not required. Not a bad idea though:)

As for attending Mass:)

Sit far back in the Church until you become familiar with the Mass and are comfortable with it. BE SURE NOT to present your self for Holy Communion Before you enter into the RCC.

Some churches encourage non-Catholics to process up and obtain a Blessing.

***IF you choose to do this SIT where the congregation that receives Jesus from the PRIEST or DEACON. Do NOT go to a Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist and they are NOT to give Blessings.

When you go up [IF YOU DO?} CROSS your arms over your chest; do NOT present your hands to receive Jesus untill you have entered into the RCC.**

PRAY much and avoid confrontations:)

God Bless you,

Patrick PJM**
 
Thanks everyone for the suggestions and encouragement!

Turns out there is a Catholic Association, not sure if it is a Newman Center or not, on campus and I am looking into it.

I emailed the church that I was planning on attending Mass at and they were really encouraging also. They said that I was welcome to attend mass and free to attend the RCIA meetings at the church as well without committing to anything.

Also thank you for the advice on receiving a blessing instead of communion. I know I can’t receive communion but a blessing will surely help things.

Thanks again! Hopefully I’ll be attending Mass for the first time this coming Sunday! I can’t express my excitement. I’ve waited for this for a long time.
 
KnightErrant said:
Thanks everyone for the suggestions and encouragement!

Turns out there is a Catholic Association, not sure if it is a Newman Center or not, on campus and I am looking into it.

I emailed the church that I was planning on attending Mass at and they were really encouraging also. They said that I was welcome to attend mass and free to attend the RCIA meetings at the church as well without committing to anything.

Also thank you for the advice on receiving a blessing instead of communion. I know I can’t receive communion but a blessing will surely help things.

Thanks again! Hopefully I’ll be attending Mass for the first time this coming Sunday! I can’t express my excitement. I’ve waited for this for a long time.
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Please let me know what you think after attending your first Mass!! ❤️ Will be thinking of you and hoping you have a great experience!
 
I just got back from my first Mass. It was not what I expected but in a good way. I think I need to just go more and become more comfortable with the other members of that congregation to more fully participate in the Mass. Also I probably should read up on the Mass itself.

It was a beautiful service though. Especially loved the homily. It really seemed to hit home.

My parents were supportive and even curious about my experience in a positive way.

Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support. Everyone on this site has been helpful. You are all wonderful. God Bless.
 
KnightErrant said:
I just got back from my first Mass. It was not what I expected but in a good way. I think I need to just go more and become more comfortable with the other members of that congregation to more fully participate in the Mass. Also I probably should read up on the Mass itself.

It was a beautiful service though. Especially loved the homily. It really seemed to hit home.

My parents were supportive and even curious about my experience in a positive way.

Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support. Everyone on this site has been helpful. You are all wonderful. God Bless.
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I think that sounds totally normal. There are somethings people do during Mass that I don’t know about and do yet. It helps to read about mass because then you can understand WHY they are doing things they do. Scott Hahn has written a lot of books about converting from being a Protestant minister to a Catholic…he writes things very well and in a way that easy for a “newbie” to understand.
 
You may find it helpful to acquire a missal and I believe there’s a book entitled “The Catholic Mass for Dummies” which is good, too.
 
Glad you enjoyed it. The more you go, the more you will get to know what’s going on and the more you will get out of it. You will find that Mass is available every day at many parishes so you can go as often as you like. 😉
 
I’m sorry to keep bothering you guys but I went to RCIA last night and it wasn’t what I was expecting. The person I got in touch with within the church said that I’d be free to attend RCIA meetings without obligation but that didn’t seem to be the case when I went last night. No one openly said that I was out of place but I certainly didn’t feel welcome.

It was made plain to me that if I planned to keep coming, I needed to go through the conversion process at the same pace as everyone else. Everything I’ve read over the internet has said that I could stay in any of the stages as long as I felt that I needed to.

Is going to RCIA without the intention to convert yet just a weird thing to do that you can technically do but no one actually does?

I wasn’t able to explain my situation either, which may have added to the confusion. The person teaching last night took my name down, asked me if I was already Catholic, if I was baptized, and that was it. He wasn’t interested in hearing about why I needed more time.

My plan is to hopefully talk to the priest this coming Sunday and hopefully clear things up. I am also considering not going to RCIA yet if this is a weird thing to do in general or for my area in particular. If anyone else has any other thoughts or advice, it would be appreciated. I apologize for complaining so much but this experience has really discouraged me.
 
KnightErrant said:
I’m sorry to keep bothering you guys but I went to RCIA last night and it wasn’t what I was expecting. The person I got in touch with within the church said that I’d be free to attend RCIA meetings without obligation but that didn’t seem to be the case when I went last night. No one openly said that I was out of place but I certainly didn’t feel welcome.

It was made plain to me that if I planned to keep coming, I needed to go through the conversion process at the same pace as everyone else. Everything I’ve read over the internet has said that I could stay in any of the stages as long as I felt that I needed to.

Is going to RCIA without the intention to convert yet just a weird thing to do that you can technically do but no one actually does?

I wasn’t able to explain my situation either, which may have added to the confusion. The person teaching last night took my name down, asked me if I was already Catholic, if I was baptized, and that was it. He wasn’t interested in hearing about why I needed more time.

My plan is to hopefully talk to the priest this coming Sunday and hopefully clear things up. I am also considering not going to RCIA yet if this is a weird thing to do in general or for my area in particular. If anyone else has any other thoughts or advice, it would be appreciated. I apologize for complaining so much but this experience has really discouraged me.
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I am so so very sorry you had this experience. RCIA is not supposed to be like that, especially in regards to timeline and expectations for finishing ahead of your own pace and comfort level. The inquiry stage could last for years if you wanted it too!

Was the person you spoke to the RCIA director or a catechist? Some catechists mean well but they are volunteers who may not know thier rump from thier elbow and they like any group of people may not have the type of personality that agrees with everyone.

I have more I want to say but I’m pecking away on my iPhone. I know you say you’re in a small area…is this the only Catholic parish near you?
 
KnightErrant said:
I’m sorry to keep bothering you guys but I went to RCIA last night and it wasn’t what I was expecting. The person I got in touch with within the church said that I’d be free to attend RCIA meetings without obligation but that didn’t seem to be the case when I went last night. No one openly said that I was out of place but I certainly didn’t feel welcome.

It was made plain to me that if I planned to keep coming, I needed to go through the conversion process at the same pace as everyone else. Everything I’ve read over the internet has said that I could stay in any of the stages as long as I felt that I needed to.

Is going to RCIA without the intention to convert yet just a weird thing to do that you can technically do but no one actually does?

I wasn’t able to explain my situation either, which may have added to the confusion. The person teaching last night took my name down, asked me if I was already Catholic, if I was baptized, and that was it. He wasn’t interested in hearing about why I needed more time.

My plan is to hopefully talk to the priest this coming Sunday and hopefully clear things up. I am also considering not going to RCIA yet if this is a weird thing to do in general or for my area in particular. If anyone else has any other thoughts or advice, it would be appreciated. I apologize for complaining so much but this experience has really discouraged me.
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You should be able to attend RCIA without any obligation. One issue you might run into is RCIA is in a sense wrapping up. Easter is just around the corner. If you went to a class it is like joining at the end of the school year. That shouldn’t effect how friendly or welcoming people are, but keep that in mind.

You also shouldn’t feel any obligation to convert.

As for staying in the stages of RCIA I think what is meant is you could go to RCIA or parts of it for years if you wanted and not convert. I think it is intended to convey the point you are under no obligation.

It also makes a difference if you have been baptized. If you aren’t baptized then I think most parishes are going to want you to attend a full year of RCIA, unless you have serious schedule problems. In that case you would need to talk to a priest and see if he could make other arrangements.

If you have been baptized then you don’t technically need to attend RCIA. But many parishes will want you to for the good reason that you need to know the Faith you are wanting to join.

It sounds like you are still in the learning and exploratory stage. So RCIA would be good for you. But I’d speak with a priest to explain your situation and see what he recommends. Don’t feel in any way bad about simply telling the priest you aren’t sure what you want to do but you do want to learn more.
 
Some RCIA groups are run on a schedule, Inquiry in the Summer, then meetings starting in September, the Rite of Welcome in October or November, the beginning of ‘Breaking Out the Word’ during Mass every Sunday after that, then an intense period just before and during Lent leads up to reception into the Church at the Easter Vigil.

IF your parish is one that does the above, you’ve shown up during the most intense part of the schedule, and you have none of the preparation of the folk who’ve been in the program since last year. No wonder you feel out of place, especially if you haven’t decided if you want to join the Church.

If you don’t want to be received into the Church this Easter, you may just want to attend Mass, and wait and join the RCIA group when the process begins again later this year.
 
Thanks for the helpful responses, everyone.

AnchoredInHope: I think there is another parish near me. There is another small group of Catholic churches at least. Not sure how everything is organized and divided up yet. The Catholic group that meets on the college campus I go to, goes to these other churches. If the one I’m looking into doesn’t pan out, I’ll probably start looking into those.

The person teaching was a deacon. Not sure if that matters. I’m sure he meant well but he may not have known how to handle the situation.

exnihilho: I am baptized and I think you’re right. Hopefully I’ll talk to the priest this Sunday, explain the situation and see what I should do.

Magdalen2013: You may be right. They have a yearly schedule up on their website though it doesn’t state the stages. Even though the administrative assistant to the church said it was okay to go without obligation, I should have been more considerate considering the time of year. Thanks.
 
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