Platonic Crush?

[QuizBowlNerd]

For a period of years in high school, I was completely enamoured with a guy. In many ways, the attachment mimicked a crush. However, I knew from the start that it was not romantic or sexual in nature. Instead of wanting to have that sort of relationship with him, I would have done anything to be close friends with him, and when that sentiment went unrequited, I was shattered. The whole experience affected me much more profoundly than any other relationship (or lack thereof) I’ve ever had, and it touches my life to this day.

Has anyone else here ever had a similar experience? Are there any saints who reported such an attachment?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think this experience is very common to young people in school who really admire or like or want to emulate a person of their same gender, without any sexual attraction. Often the person is a peer or a slightly older student who seems to “have it all together” or a teacher who seems to have a particularly insightful, brilliant, interesting or understanding way about them.

I do not remember having such a friendship that went unrequited, but I did have a close requited, completely non-sexual (not even in an experimental way) attachment to a certain person of my gender in high school that affected me profoundly.

So yes, it can happen. Not every friendship, strong attachment etc is sexual. Sometimes it’s purely intellectual or on a platonic basis. Unfortunately the world no longer seems to understand any sort of attachment or relationship other than one involving the libido.

I don’t know about saints having unrequited crushes, but there were certainly many saints with strong platonic attachments to a person of their same gender.

 

[1ke]

I would have done anything to be close friends with him, and when that sentiment went unrequited, I was shattered. The whole experience affected me much more profoundly than any other relationship (or lack thereof) I’ve ever had, and it touches my life to this day.

Many people have crushes or become disheartened when a friendship is not reciprocated. But, to be shattered by it. To have been affected so profoundly that it touches your life many years later? I’d say something is not right in that situation. Have you talked to anyone about this, like a counselor or trusted priest or friend, to try to get to the bottom of why this impacted you so much and continues to impact you? You deserve to be able to move on past this.

Honestly, it’s not really what i would consider in the range of “normal” emotional development to be impacted for years by the fact that you didn’t have a close friendship with someone you admired and wanted to be friends with.

 

[QuizBowlNerd]

I think this experience is very common to young people in school who really admire or like or want to emulate a person of their same gender, without any sexual attraction.

All though I have also experienced the same gender variant (albeit not with nearly the same level of intensity), this particular one was directed towards a member of the opposite sex.

Unfortunately the world no longer seems to understand any sort of attachment or relationship other than one involving the libido.

I think it’s very unfortunate that we’ve lost a sense of the vast nuance that human relationships can entail. Many people want to boil everything down to either a romantic or parental relationship (as the case may be) - but beautiful as both of those are, there is more to life.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

All though I have also experienced the same gender variant (albeit not with nearly the same level of intensity), this particular one was directed towards a member of the opposite sex.

Opposite-sex platonic relationships are also possible, although I think there is more of a possibility that it might eventually turn romantic/ sexual, unless one or both of the people in the friendship are solely attracted to same-sex partners.

There were saints who entered by mutual agreement into celibate marriages. I would think those saints likely had a strong platonic friendship with each other. You would need one just to be able to carry on in such an arrangement.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

Use that dissappointment as fuel to be the most inviting and friendly person you know, especially toward people who you don’t feel this huge pull towards.

I don’t know why in the loneliness of youth I didn’t just work a little harder at being friendly. Wasn’t much of an initiator I guess.