Plea for help: stunted faith // detachment from sin

[andersr915]

So, to addreviate my situation while keeping in the vital details, I was a cradled catholic who attended a secular primary school but also went to Sunday school. Never cared for faith until very recently in my life. I think God gave me a bit of a wake-up call.

Granted throughout my life, I’ve never killed nor was never the highschooler to go out and drink, but at the same time, I’ve lived a life absent of acceptance for God’s love or any kind of acknowledgement for him.

But then, after a period of great sickness and ill thoughts, I could swear something spoke to me from within, something that told me to return to my faith.

So, as I physically recovered, I began to seek God through my long abandoned catholic faith. My problem is though, I built my foundation of faith on fear, and while this gave me much motivation to learn and progress in my faith, when I realized I was pushing myself away from everyone around me instead of truly getting to know God, the fuel of fear quickly dissipated.

Now I find myself in a feeling very distant from my faith and confused, like a child walking in darkness, searching for a light he knows is there, but just out of reach because I’m somehow just missing it. I seek God and I seek his joy, love and hope he offers, but everytime I turn to God, theres some kind of resistance, that my old self is just trying to fill my head with doubt and disbelief and turn me back to how I was, and now I’m at a bit of a turning point.

My spirit says no, the flesh says yes, and all of it seems to be culminating in temptation ive been facing recently. I wish to deny myself to the fullest and take up my cross, to be able to make the ultimate sacrifice for Christ if the situation ever came forth, but I fail to feel the love of Christ in submitting to him. Part of me still wants to do what I want, something I feel I have no control over, but the other part of me wants to be a true follower of Christ. I feel as if I just really knew how to submit to him and if I just felt his love through scripture I study and the devotions I practice, I could become a disciple at least to some degree, but I feel like I’m in a constant battle and that my trust in Christ alone just can’t overcome because the evil within me won’t let me submit to Him. I dont want to go back to who I was and readily walk through the gates of destruction, because I want to love God and beleive in the truth, because I know any hope of salvation depends on it, but both my spirit is confused by the world and the broad plane on which levels of faith in catholicism seems to be on, and the flesh just seems to resist God and tries to make him out to be anything else rather than the loving Father I, deep down, know he is.

Can anyone help me to know the love of God, trust in him, and submit to him fully?

 

[OnWings]

Try adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. This can even be done virtually, if it’s difficult for you to go in person. Adoration can help you know Jesus’s love for you by spending time in his presence. Another thing that might be helpful is devotion to Divine Mercy.

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

The Sacrament of Confession. And if you can find a holy spiritual confessor this is such a grace!

 

[SPBlitz]

o, to addreviate my situation while keeping in the vital details, I was a cradled catholic who attended a secular primary school but also went to Sunday school. Never cared for faith until very recently in my life. I think God gave me a bit of a wake-up call.

Granted throughout my life, I’ve never killed nor was never the highschooler to go out and drink, but at the same time, I’ve lived a life absent of acceptance for God’s love or any kind of acknowledgement for him.

But then, after a period of great sickness and ill thoughts, I could swear something spoke to me from within, something that told me to return to my faith.

So, as I physically recovered, I began to seek God through my long abandoned catholic faith. My problem is though, I built my foundation of faith on fear, and while this gave me much motivation to learn and progress in my faith, when I realized I was pushing myself away from everyone around me instead of truly getting to know God, the fuel of fear quickly dissipated.

Now I find myself in a feeling very distant from my faith and confused, like a child walking in darkness, searching for a light he knows is there, but just out of reach because I’m somehow just missing it. I seek God and I seek his joy, love and hope he offers, but everytime I turn to God, theres some kind of resistance, that my old self is just trying to fill my head with doubt and disbelief and turn me back to how I was, and now I’m at a bit of a turning point.

My spirit says no, the flesh says yes, and all of it seems to be culminating in temptation ive been facing recently. I wish to deny myself to the fullest and take up my cross, to be able to make the ultimate sacrifice for Christ if the situation ever came forth, but I fail to feel the love of Christ in submitting to him. Part of me still wants to do what I want, something I feel I have no control over, but the other part of me wants to be a true follower of Christ. I feel as if I just really knew how to submit to him and if I just felt his love through scripture I study and the devotions I practice, I could become a disciple at least to some degree, but I feel like I’m in a constant battle and that my trust in Christ alone just can’t overcome because the evil within me won’t let me submit to Him. I dont want to go back to who I was and readily walk through the gates of destruction, because I want to love God and beleive in the truth, because I know any hope of salvation depends on it, but both my spirit is confused by the world and the broad plane on which levels of faith in catholicism seems to be on, and the flesh just seems to resist God and tries to make him out to be anything else rather than the loving Father I, deep down, know he is.

Can anyone help me to know the love of God, trust in him, and submit to him fully?

What helped me grow the most in my faith we’re the works of CS Lewis (not Narnia, his other works). Namely:
The Screwtape Letters
Mere Christianity
the Problem of Pain
Miracles

All of these have helped me to me grow in my faith, much more than my religion classes in school. I’d definitely give them a read.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Communication with our Lord. I recently discovered the Hallow app and it has been a great blessing to me. 5 minutes of their Daily reflection is a good place to begin.

Communication with our Church. Make an appointment to visit with a priest. Just talk.

 

[Lucy_1]

Can anyone help me to know the love of God, trust in him, and submit to him fully?

Friend, this is what we are all trying to do. This is the Christian life. You may have a different set of obstacles, but we all have them. St Paul, maybe the greatest apostle said in Romans Ch 7:

When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God in my inner being, but I see a war against the law of my mind, making me captive to sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of sin and death? Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Keep it simple.

• At least once a month- go to confession
• Every week (or as you are able because of the pandemic) go to Mass
• Do works of mercy as often as you can
• Everyday pray and give thanks to God, read scripture or some kind of spiritual book like the catechism or lives of the saints

Be encouraged! The Holy Spirit is working in you!!!

 

[andersr915]

Thank you all for these responses of encouragement, I do appreciate them and any more you could offer would be great.

Also, one thing I feel i should note; when I say “unclean spirit” in reference to resistance from God, I would never in all of creation mean the good and Holy Spirit we recieve in baptism. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is not what is intended by that phrasing, nor would I ever dare speak bad of it

 

[OnWings]

It can be helpful to remember that we’re fighting spiritual battles. I think it’s happened to me before that just realizing something I was going through was not of God helped me to be freed from it. We can face all kinds of temptations that try to keep us from prayer and from turning to God, and it helps to remember that these trials are normal. So when you face difficulties and temptations, pray and resist. “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

Do you have any prayer books you use? They can be very helpful in both learning to pray and giving structure to your prayers. At the very least, it’s good to pray morning and evening prayers everyday. When you’re able, you could try praying the rosary everyday. You could start simple, start with one decade a day. It’s not always easy to pray the rosary, but it’s so powerful that I want to recommend it. There are also promises attached, which are graces promised to be given to those who pray the rosary. Look them up if you want.

Prayer to our Blessed Mother Mary and the saints can be greatly helpful. They can help lead you to God. Also your guardian angel. You can always ask them for help, so you never have to go through your struggles alone.

 

[andersr915]

Thank you, and while I don’t have a prayer book, i do pray a Rosary every day, aswell as I am resuming a Divine Mercy Chaplet prayer daily, aswell as morning and evening prayers. In the morning, I pray an offering prayer, a prayer for St. Micheal’s protection, a prayer for the support of my guardian angel, and most recently a.prayer for those in purgatory. At night, i pray an act of contrition, aswell as a general prayer of reflection. I know i must seek to pray more and appreciate what u have more, but its just rebuilding after all I’ve run into without knowing more about

 

[drac16]

As I read through your post, I saw something interesting. I see a lot of “I’m doing this” or “I’m trying to pray enough or be good enough”. That’s exactly what you need to repent of, because you will never be good enough to God. That’s why we need a Savior. Come before God completely broken, out of breath and having utterly given up on self-effort to be good enough.

Don’t treat your spiritual life as if it’s a treadmill, to where you have to perform well enough in order for God to love you. If you are a christian, God already loves you. You have to come to God on His terms, though. Do away with the self-effort ideology and offer up a Biblical repentance. Turn from your own attempts to believe enough, to pray enough and to confess enough.

 

[VeryBlessed]

Read the following SLOWLY, and make sure you make yourself understand that it applies to the way God feels about YOU PERSONALLY.

Psalm 139:1-18
Psalm 56:8
Isaiah 49:13-16
Romans 8:31-39

Scripture is a massive reassurance of the limitless personal love of God for each of us. As you read it or hear it, know He means it for you personally. Good luck! Like the Father of the prodigal son, He is just overjoyed to have you back.

It’s great to feel the love of God, but on another more intellectual level, if He says He loves us, then it’s up to us to simply believe what He is saying. “Lord I believe; help me in my unbelief.”

 

[Vico]

…
Can anyone help me to know the love of God, trust in him, and submit to him fully?

Imagine the superior results that will result from deeper communion with the Holy Trinity. Those that do penance, in a state of sanctifying grace, gain merit which is rewarded in heaven with a greater Beatific Vision. Not only that, but remaining in a habitual state of grace and doing what is charitable always (even in minor things) is participation in the divine nature.

Catechism of the Catholic Church

460 The Word became flesh to make us " partakers of the divine nature ":78 "For this is why the Word became man, and the Son of God became the Son of man: so that man, by entering into communion with the Word and thus receiving divine sonship, might become a son of God."79 "For the Son of God became man so that we might become God."80 "The only-begotten Son of God, wanting to make us sharers in his divinity, assumed our nature, so that he, made man, might make men gods."81

 

[Lucy_1]

I came across this novena to the Holy Spirit. It seems like a good one to draw nearer to God.

Holy Spirit, third Person of the Blessed Trinity, Spirit of truth, love and holiness, proceeding from the Father and the Son, and equal to Them in all things, I adore You and love You with all my heart.

Dearest Holy Spirit, confiding in your deep, personal love for me, I am making this novena for the following request, if it should be Your holy Will to grant it: (mention your request).

Teach me, Divine Spirit, to know and seek my last end; grant me the holy fear of God; grant me true contrition and patience. Do not let me fall into sin. Give me an increase of faith, hope, and charity, and bring forth in my soul all the virtues proper to my state of life.

Make me a faithful disciple of Jesus and an obedient child of the Church. Give me efficacious grace sufficient to keep the commandments and to receive the sacraments worthily. Give me the four Cardinal Virtues, Your Seven Gifts, Your Twelve Fruits. Raise me to perfection in the state of life to which You have called me and lead me through a happy death to everlasting life. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.