Please ANYONE help me! God hear me!

[Youngworld]

I beg anyone for just a bit of Guidance.

Please…

I am a 19 year old boy living with my mom, brother, and baby sister. My father left when I was young so my mother raised us by herself. I have been in the church since I can remember and I have always felt that God has something special in stored in my life. I love my family dearly and would do anything for them. I try to learn from my mistakes and lead a better life with my family everyday.

Here is the problem:

As a young adult starting to learn the ropes of life I don’t want to make any grave mistakes that will ruin my life. I try to follow all of my advice my mother gives me and really try to follow what she asks of me. But there are times that I may slack off or at least not respond to her request in a quicker manner. So when this happened she goes off and tells me that God will not bless me and that I will suffer a lot in the future. She tells me that the Bible says that blessing come to obedient children. The thing is that I try so hard to do what she says.( as God is my witness)

This happens very frequently and I cant help but feel that God will not bless me with a good life in the future. I fell as if she is putting a curse on my life. I don’t know what else to do. I make mistakes myself and I understand that. I just don’t feel that this is right. The worst part is that she is my mother and I do love her dearly. (Also keep in mind that my mother prays a lot and she is very involve in her church).

I have tried to talk to her but nothing works.

I want to feel that God will bless me. I don’t want my mother to continue to say that to me when **I don’t do everything to the “T” **:banghead: . It’s overwhelming.

Someone, Anyone, PLEASE Help me.

Maybe someone out there may have a better understanding of the bible, God, and Life then I do. So please I beg for your help!!!

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I think you’re right. Your mother’s words can easily become a curse. I’ve heard of things like that happening before, when an ill fate is repeatedly and vehemently predicted for someone. The simple solution to that spiritual problem is to pray the Catholic deliverance prayer. That will protect you from a curse, delivering you from any evil that you might be exposed to by her words. You can pray that to yourself when you feel threatened by her words. It will be a blessing.

The relationship problem is trickier to address. If you are trying to do your parents’ will, and I believe you are, then she’s bang out of line to be treating you this way. Of course, it’s not your place to judge her either. So it’ll be hard to try to turn the other cheek, while at the same time, if you feel the time is right, explaining why you don’t agree with her.

If I were you, I’d also pray for her and for yourself. Pray for yourself that God and the Blessed Virgin may give you the grace to turn the other cheek and be what Christ wants you to be. Also pray that God will release you from your own faults in the situation, whatever they may be (you have a better idea than I). Pray also for your mother, that God and the Virgin will give her grace and illumination, and will free her from being controlling or manipulative.

The amount of times your mother goes to church or says her prayers can’t make her spotless, and it can sometimes be tricky for someone who does that to see their own faults. That kind of religious intensity can be a marvelous thing- but it also carries with it the risk of pride. Also, going to church and saying prayers are an exterior display. They don’t by themselves prove a healthy or unhealthy interior spiritual condition.

I’d pray for your mother and for yourself, if I were you, and say that deliverance prayer. I wish I could help more with the relational issue. The best I can recommend is trying to turn the other cheek, and if you want to defend yourself (which can certainly be valid), try to do so in a way that isn’t explosive or insulting.

 

[Trishie]

You sound such a good young man!

Your mother has some coping issues. She doesn’t cope with her wishes not being carried out immediately…some personality issue. She may believe what she says, but it is manipulative and encourages you to act from anxiety rather than from love. Please do pray for your mother, as Lief advises. His advice is probably all you need except for any extra prayer that comes your way.

As a mother of three grown sons I find your mother’s comments to you when you respond less quickly very painful to consider. As a mother of loving but naturally human sons, I can only say that I see in your post the reflection of a lovely, good, caring young man. I wish you didn’t have to endure this altogether unnecessary stress and hurt.

Father, in Jesus’ name, please send Your Holy Spirit powerfully into this young man’s life. I praise You for the wonderful gift of his life and his sincere spirit. I praise and thank You for keeping him charitable in his comments to us despite the repeated hurt of his mother’s comments. I ask You to protect him from all evil and harm.

Holy Spirit in Your great love and wisdom please bind all that is ungodly and unloving and misled that comes against him, and cast it away from him, protecting him from all harm. Holy Spirit, please fill him with love and wisdom and deepen his relationship with You in all good and in all challenges and hardships of his life.

I praise and thank You our God that You can bring good out of anything; that You can help this young man grow in wisdom and charity even before anyone’s attacks. As he grows in strength in love, forgiveness, and the ability to see how deeply You cherish him, how precious he is in Your eyes, help him to find peace and tranquility even before others’ misunderstandings.

I praise and honour You Father for all the good in this mother, and the good that she does in her life.Love, I know where in scripture your mother obtained those convictions, but the conditions are not fulfilled in your life and spirit. You are certainly a child of God and a good young man. You are not perfect…but who is amongst us!

Dear Father in heaven, in Your Son’s name, I ask You to speak into this mother’s heart…if she cannot understand then please help her son never to be disillusioned in himself by this weakness of hers.
Please give him grace to pray for her if she ever accuses and blames him in her frustration again.

God bless you! A hug from Australia. I’ll keep you and your Mom in my prayers,

Love, Trishie. May God’s will be fulfilled brilliantly and wonderfully in your life.

 

[Viki63]

Father, in Jesus’ name, please send Your Holy Spirit powerfully into this young man’s life. I praise You for the wonderful gift of his life and his sincere spirit. I praise and thank You for keeping him charitable in his comments to us despite the repeated hurt of his mother’s comments. I ask You to protect him from all evil and harm.
. May God’s will be fulfilled brilliantly and wonderfully in your life.

Amen to this prayer.

I would only add, Youngworld, that you might try talking to your mother sometime when she’s in a listening mood. You might explain that you try your best to be an obedient loving son but are not perfect, and tell her how her comments make you feel. Tell her that most people respond better to encouragement than to criticism and negative predictions.
I’m sorry but I disagree that her words can become a curse to affect your life. The danger is that they may become a self-fulfilling prophecy; for example if you tell a child often enough that he’s bad, he might decide he IS bad and start to behave that way. But you don’t have to accept her comments as anything but frustration and fear for your future. It’s hard to be a single mother. Try to forgive her when her remarks are unfair.
God bless you both.

 

[wardrandolph]

I agree with what has been said.Be sincere of heart and steadfast,undisturbed in time of adversity.Cling to him,forsake him not;thus will your future be great.(Sirach 2:2-3).Prayers for you.

 

[Salonika]

I try to follow all of my advice my mother gives me and really try to follow what she asks of me. But there are times that I may slack off or at least not respond to her request in a quicker manner. So when this happened she goes off and tells me that God will not bless me and that I will suffer a lot in the future.

No wonder you feel hurt, angry, puzzled when you are trying to do your best. Most parents would be pleased to have a son like you and recognising that no one is perfect would not make an issue of the occasional lapse.

This happens very frequently and I cant help but feel that God will not bless me with a good life in the future. I fell as if she is putting a curse on my life.

If anyone (adults, children and young people) are told something often enough it has an effect even if you know it is not correct. The more it is said, the more likely some doubts will arise.

Living with a perfectionist can be very difficult as they often only see the things that you do wrong. Also they often don’t seem to recognise that you need acknowledgement for what you do correctly. So if your mother is a perfectionist you may need to get affirmation from other people.

Your mother’s behaviour could also be result of stress or not coping as other posters have suggested. This do not make it acceptable.

I don’t know what else to do… I just don’t feel that this is right. The worst part is that she is my mother and I do love her dearly. I have tried to talk to her but nothing works.

Do you have any one you can talk to about this - a older relative, an adult you feel a rapport with, a priest who is a good listener? Someone who could reassure you that your reaction is normal and suggest how to deal with it.

You’d need to make sure that the conversation would be confidential - unless you decided that you wanted them to talk with your mother. And also you’d need to feel okay if you choose someone you’d see at church or in the street about encountering them in the street or at church.

Please do not feel disloyal if you decide to talk with someone about the situation - it doesn’t mean that you don’t love your mother but that you want a better relationship with her.

I do hope that your situation will be resolved.

 

[Cat]

I am a 51 year-old woman, old enough to be your mother. I’m just telling you this so that you will know who is posting. I’m going to speak to you in this post as a mother–a good mother–and some of my words will be hard for you and others to hear.

Your situation is a hard one. You have been given quite a heavy cross to carry.

Find a mature man, a devout and saintly Catholic, one who is secure in his vocation–either priest, religious, married, or single, and ASK this man to become your mentor and friend. Do this quickly. Do not hesitate any longer.

For a long time, too long, you have lived with a woman and children. You need to have a strong male role model in your life.

As I read your post, I sense confusion from you about what it means to be a man. You are trying to please your mother. That’s good, but it can also be a road to misery and disaster. It can lead to a syndrome called “mama’s boy.” Such a man does not make a good husband and father.

I grew up in such a home, with a father who could not break free of his mother. It was a daily disaster in our home. I remember his mother (my grandmother) making exactly the same kinds of comments to him as your mother is making to you: predictions of disaster or poverty if he didn’t jump when she said jump.

Your priest can probably recommend the right man, someone who can train you and help you to discern your vocation and to become a true and fulfilled man of God.

I say this out of concern: BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL to not get mixed up in a homosexual relationship. As much as I believe in the effectiveness of older males mentoring younger males (as St. Paul describes in his letters to St. Timothy, and as Jesus did with His own disciples), I also fear that this kind of discipling relationship can be an opportunity for sin. Please forgive my bluntness, but you are a prime candidate; you have several of the statistical risk factors to becoming involved with homosexuality. Please seek the advice and approval of your priest, and please be discerning. Do not allow your longing for love and acceptance to lead you into a sinful situation.

If you have doubts that finding a male role model and mentor is the correct thing to do, read the Gospels and observe how Jesus trained his disciples. They basically were with Him constantly, under His influence, and He taught them in words, deeds, and recreational activities. THIS is what I am suggesting that you do–find a man who can do this same training and discipling for YOU.

I hope that my advice is useful and helpful to you.

 

[monicatholic]

as I was reading your post YW, I was thinking,. “I know what I want to say, but how can I write it?”

the dilenma’s already answered. Cat wrote everything I was thinking.

Please consider her words prayerfully.

and you’re not cursed, but can be influenced. read the CCC on the fourth commandment and the responsibilities of an adult child to his parents.

I agree it’s bad coping habits and probably not malicious, but when your mom blames and threatens ask yourself, “is this TRUE? is this how God, who sent His Son to die for me, deals with His beloved people? is it TRUE??”

when your mind rejects the blaming and threats as untrue, simply ask God to inform your heart, too.

 

[Mintaka]

When I was growing up, I remember that my mother was very picky about me doing everything perfect. It made me feel very discouraged, instead of encouraging me to improve. I never heard her saying anything much that was complimentary. But whenever she talked about me to people outside our immediate family, she was nothing but compliments about me.

She seriously believed that I could do anything, and that’s why she was always pushing me. She was wrong about what would make me improve; but she meant well.

You may be able to persuade your mother to change her operating style; I never have been! But you can “translate” what she says to what she means.

Maybe it’s: “I’m afraid. I’m worried. I’m taking it out on you, because I know you love me and won’t hurt me.”

Or maybe it’s: “You are my son, and I am proud of you. I know you can do anything. I want you to show the world how great you can be, and I don’t know how to help you. But I can’t admit that, any more than I can admit that I’m worried and afraid.”