Please give me an advice for a statement

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sebo3e

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Yeah i whould like to help me to learn talk better because i have social anxiety ocd fear and obsession and that s why my voice is very low when i talk but here on internet is easy but i also learned i should use I statement instead you because you is considered judging

but when we use I statement like for example I feel i think etc is much less defensive and non judgmental

That s why i whould like to ask you for some idea with I statement from just i feel and i think what else i can learn to be carefull from using you this you that enything else i can learn?

First what i need is people whu know communication
people whu listen to my comment and know how conversation works

whu knows diffrence between judging actions and judging person

Thank you in advance

Before commenting i whould like to use humility because that s what has to be used even for fratental correction

so please give me advice for I statements conversation starter

I for tell another about swearing issue
next for gossip issue

etc…

Please do not use mind your own busniess because that s out of topic
 
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In my Family Studies class, we had a structure for I statements. It went something like this:
“I feel _______ when you ________ because ________.”
For example, “I feel sad when you gossip about me, because as you are my friend, I want to be able to trust you with any personal secrets, but when you gossip, I feel that my trust in you has been broken.”
If you want, you can try the structure for yourself, like for the swearing issue. If you can express how you feel when someone does it, and provide a reason, they should listen to your reasonable explanation, and then they may stop doing it for your sake.
 
Great idea dougbro1 i will do my best to practice that

whould it be good i do this with my self and write on paper?
just practice that become habit and pray for it

also do i this way you explain not judge person but i am telling about their actions?
 
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Yes, it would be a good idea to write it down in advance and practice saying it until you are ready to say it to whoever you are referring to, and yes, by all means, pray for it.

As you said, it’s not that you’re judging the person, but you’re only telling them what they are doing and asking them to stop. Just try not to say it in a judgemental tone, but rather, a humble tone. Tone can change the meaning of what you are saying significantly.

This is not judging, because these actions affect you, and you would like to have it stop. Ask them humbly, use the I-statement template if you like, and if they are reasonable people, which I must assume they are, they will listen to you.
 
I will remember that

also can you please explain what whould be judgment of condemnation

compared to judging actions so i can know diffrence
 
Judgement of condemnation, where you are judging the person, and not just their actions, there are several “you statements” that must be avoided when it comes to this sort of thing.
Avoid the following at all costs:
  • Blaming : “You make me so mad.”
  • Judging or labeling : “You are an inconsiderate, arrogant creep.”
  • Accusing : “You don’t give a care about me!”
  • Ordering : “You shut up!”
  • Questioning : “Are you always this flirtatious?”
  • Arguing : “You don’t know what you are talking about.”
  • Sarcasm : “Of course, you are an expert!”
  • Disapproval : “You are terrible.”
  • Threatening : “You had better…”
Judging the actions would then be different, because it’s not a personal attack. It’s more of a humble request to improve. The I-statement focuses more attention on you; how the actions affect you. So the main differences are where the judgement is directed at, who the focus is on, and humility.
Hope that helps!
 
Wow that s complete something new to me like new experience thank you my dear freind now i see things from diffrend wiev

I hope that others can learn this to it was really educative n_n
also last question

When do we start arguing like when its actually sin of quarell?

like is it when i yell at person or we both yell or it can be silent qurell etc how that works i never understanded

what does in conffesion mean have you quarelled? what to avoid here how to be carefull to not get into this
 
Quarreling is pretty much bickering back and forth. It’s not always productive, even if one or both people can sometimes see it that way. Usually it entails people arguing back and forth in disagreement, and negative emotions flare up, typically on both sides. In Confession, that’s pretty much what the Examination of Conscience template or the priest usually means.
To avoid this, just know when to stop, which is at the point that you can tell that any further talk from that point may cause harassment. At that point, know that you did your best to explain reasonably, humbly, and openly, and then just pray for them.
 
Allright thanks

also what in such situation

If person quarell and i am quiet gentle explaining
while other person quarell i explain polite way and leave learning from article to say sorry i dont want to talk about this this way i am saved to get into trap?

and second i learned when there is disagreement i explain once to person polite

but if i talk and person doesnt listen and i keep on then it becomes sin? is that venial or mortal then does it matter in arguing if is silent or anger yelling that s what confuses me
 
If the person is quarreling with you, but you’re only trying to be polite, I still suggest stopping if it really provokes the other person, because it’s never a good thing to provoke. The strategy of explaining once is a good idea. You can do that. Whatever the article said sounds like good advice. If you persist, though, and they don’t listen, it is often taken as provocation, and that’s not good. However, it’s not a mortal sin. It doesn’t matter if the arguing is on the quiet side or the loud side. The determining factor is negative emotion on one or both sides.
Hope that’s understandable!
 
I understand thanks

does that means i am not guilty of arguing if another is angry with me while telling once how i dont want to talk about thing and leave?
 
No you wouldn’t, because before that point, you wouldn’t have known this would bother them. You would only be guilty if you persist.
 
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