Please help, i won't give in

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Maria1993

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I’ve previously stated i have problems with intrusive thoughts…and today, it was just terrible. A terrible fight today. I was in my room and i just sat in front of my computer, and battling these thoughts, and i was just mumbling to myself “i don’t give up…i give up…i don’t give up” and this huge crow outside near my neighbors house was just caw-ing, and it scared me insanely, and i tried to say i’ll never give up, and i accidently said “I will never give in to Jesus”, that’s not what i meant to say, and i’m afraid he could leave me for this, please, i don’t give up, i’m fighting, i never want Jesus to leave me, and i started panicking, and praying…and i panicked a bit, but then i felt…calm?? I felt as if maybe the Holy Spirit was comforting me? I don’t know,

i feel terrible and gross for even saying that, or about giving up, please pray for me, im ashamed
 
You have some serious mental issues regarding your OCD, panic attacks, and scrupulosity and need to be under the care of a priest and a therapist.

I know it seems like a good idea to post here, but what you need to do is call your priest or therapist when these things happen. You need help we cannot give you.
 
I don’t want to give medical advice: but I do think it is ok to give advice to get advice! There are brain disorders such as OCD which manifest themselves in religious ways in religious people. They manifest in non-religious ways in non-religious people. The associated intrusive thoughts derive from the disorder, not from the religion. You should talk to a medical doctor with a view to trying both talking therapy with a professional therapist, and getting prescriptions to attempt to deal with the chemical imbalances at the heat of your problem. Think of it as ‘gout of the brain’ - painful, with treatment options available, bit often needing attention and advice, and nothing whatsoever to do with your beliefs.
 
I know a bit of the feeling. You need to find a psychiatrist (who can prescribe medication, a medical doctor, not just a psychologist: I learned that lesson in America, that my crippling anxiety/panic attacks, which respond not to any sort of talk therapy, are virtually nullified most of the time by the proper medication: I wasn’t a Christian at the time, either) in your area, and should talk to your priest as well.

You did not blaspheme by having a slip of the tongue while having pressured speech/pressured thoughts. It is not a sin.
 
Maria1993 said:
I’ve previously stated i have problems with intrusive thoughts…and today, it was just terrible. A terrible fight today. I was in my room and i just sat in front of my computer, and battling these thoughts, and i was just mumbling to myself “i don’t give up…i give up…i don’t give up” and this huge crow outside near my neighbors house was just caw-ing, and it scared me insanely, and i tried to say i’ll never give up, and i accidently said “I will never give in to Jesus”, that’s not what i meant to say, and i’m afraid he could leave me for this, please, i don’t give up, i’m fighting, i never want Jesus to leave me, and i started panicking, and praying…and i panicked a bit, but then i felt…calm?? I felt as if maybe the Holy Spirit was comforting me? I don’t know,

i feel terrible and gross for even saying that, or about giving up, please pray for me, im ashamed
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Jesus will never leave you! You need to get some help for your struggles with those intrusive thoughts. I have had panic attacks on and off along with depression, and medication has helped me tremendously. I wouldn’t have a life if it weren’t for the meds.

Please see a doctor if you haven’t. I hope you are seeing a therapist.

I will add you to my prayers.
 
Maria1993 said:
I’ve previously stated i have problems with intrusive thoughts…and today, it was just terrible. A terrible fight today. I was in my room and i just sat in front of my computer, and battling these thoughts, and i was just mumbling to myself “i don’t give up…i give up…i don’t give up” and this huge crow outside near my neighbors house was just caw-ing, and it scared me insanely, and i tried to say i’ll never give up, and i accidently said “I will never give in to Jesus”, that’s not what i meant to say, and i’m afraid he could leave me for this, please, i don’t give up, i’m fighting, i never want Jesus to leave me, and i started panicking, and praying…and i panicked a bit, but then i felt…calm?? I felt as if maybe the Holy Spirit was comforting me? I don’t know,

i feel terrible and gross for even saying that, or about giving up, please pray for me, im ashamed
Click to expand...
That is not uncommon especially when one is praying. The enemy wants to disrupt our prayer life and to discourage us from praying. Just keep praying all the more. Jesus knows what’s in your heart and doesn’t concern himself with the fleeting unholy thoughts that the enemy tries to inject into the conversation. If the result of him doing this is that you pray even more he’ll soon give up.
 
Remember that your heavenly Father loves you, you are precious in His eyes, and you are honored!
 
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