Please help me process this

[jkatpc]

Eight months isn’t that long. I’ve been deployed almost a year now, and this is my seventh deployment. My wife managed four kids and a household through all of them, and did a great job. In fact, we both discovered qualities and strengths that neither of us realized she had. I’m sure you’ll find some of your own, too.

If this is something he wants to do, and is part of the long term security for your family, then you need to accept the challenges. You can’t have an omelet without breaking some eggs.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Eight months isn’t that long. I’ve been deployed almost a year now, and this is my seventh deployment. My wife managed four kids and a household through all of them, and did a great job. In fact, we both discovered qualities and strengths that neither of us realized she had. I’m sure you’ll find some of your own, too.

I am sure we will manage, like I have said already…what I need to figure out is how. If your wife is healthy then that is a huge difference. There are days when I need help with things that are so basic and simple…but I won’t go into details.

If this is something he wants to do, and is part of the long term security for your family, then you need to accept the challenges. You can’t have an omelet without breaking some eggs.

**I’ve never once told him not to do it. We are very happy about the change we have just been surprised by how quickly it is happening and the course time nearly tripling. We need time to work through the logistics, that’s all.
**

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I didn’t understand your answer to someone else’s question asking if you can go with your husband. Even if it’s “training” not a “posting,” could he live off-base with you evenings and weekends?

**Even at severely discounted rates we could not afford that. We are just scraping by now.. But I’ll have hubby look into what’s in the area just to be sure.

edit: now that I think about it more, that wouldn’t be very good. Then I’d have NO other help. Right now at least my family is close by and can help a bit.
**

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

And don’t be so sure that your husband’s current job skills will not be applicable or valuable in the “real” world. Some companies (besides the obvious security firms) actively seek out ex-military folks because of their qualities e.g. discipline, leadership, planning, perseverance, etc.

**This is what he tells me. And he would need to get some sort of schooling or something in order to qualify for a job that would appreciate those extra skills… that is not something he interested in doing at this point.

He knows many ex-military guys so I trust that he knows what he’s talking about.
**

 

[jkatpc]

Feanaro_s_Wife:
I don’t know what Canadian deployment cycles are like. Ours can be brutal. We have Family Support Groups and Family Readiness Groups that can provide an avenue of resources for families. Maybe you have something like that.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, but if separation might stress you to the breaking point, maybe a military career isn’t the best course for your husband. Deployments and separations come with the territory, but family comes first.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I don’t know what Canadian deployment cycles are like. Ours can be brutal. We have Family Support Groups and Family Readiness Groups that can provide an avenue of resources for families. Maybe you have something like that.
**
Yes, we do have family support, but this is not a deployment, only job training…but we are still looking into anything they offer that may help.**

I know this might not be what you want to hear, but if separation might stress you to the breaking point, maybe a military career isn’t the best course for your husband. Deployments and separations come with the territory, but family comes first.

I don’t mind hearing that. It is something hubby and I have talked a lot about and this seems like the best course for his career and our family right now. Ultimately what we’d like is for him to get out of the military and transfer to another gov’t job so that he could get his full pension…but nothing has come of that yet.

**Like I said, we were preparing for the hardship that 3.5 months of him being away would bring…and that was stressful but we knew we’d manage. So to suddenly find out it will be 8 months will take some time to adjust to.

And I didn’t say this before, but thank you so much for serving your country and fighting for freedom and peace for all people (even us Canadians). I have family who have served in Afghanistan and it makes me appreciate all soldiers even more than I did before. You guys have a tough job and I am glad there are still men in our selfish society who are willing to stand up and fight.**

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Hi Malia,

I just wanted to give you a virtual hug and let you know you will be in my prayers.:hug3: