Please help me to help my friend

[Little_Katie]

I have some close friends who are going through an awkward time right now.

My friend Michelle’s husband was of non practicing and suddenly started attending a baptist church. Many of the church members butt in in ways that she and I don’t find appropriate, if it weren’t bad enough that she was worried about him just being involved w/ a baptist church in general.

They are telling him that it’s sinful to watch fantasy movies and read fantasy books, which is his favorite hobby. They actually went to his house and told him to take down the two paintings (which were very nice paintings too… ) of dragons. They went through his clothes and took out all the shirts w/ images of dragons and Japanese cartoons etc… My friend used to come play dungeons and dragons, which is just a fun game, w/ us once a week and now his new “friends” are telling him that that is sinful too. They even told him not to trust my advice because I am Catholic! My friend’s wife is petrified. She feels like she is loosing her husband, came to me today in tears terrified that he isn’t the same person anymore just because some people from his church are trying to help him.

I don’t think this is right. I think God wants us to know him and love him but also to be true to ourselves.

I don’t know how to help this couple. I’m glad that my friend has taken up an interest in God but I am sad that he is changing who he is so drastically in ways I don’t think God really wants him to focus on.

What do you guys think?

 

[JLCecilia]

Wow, I find that highly unusual that fellow worshippers would come to someone’s house and confiscate items like that - were they invited? Even if they were invited by your friend, something that invasive shoulda been discussed w/ his wife first as it’s her home too.

This sounds like an imposed intervention to me. Perhaps he is ready to give up these things in his life, but he should really remove these items himself. By all means, have an accountability buddy, but I don’t think having these things imposed on his life are going to be that successful. Has he even sat down and talked to his wife about his newfound beliefs and the effects they may have not only on his life, but hers?

 

[JLCecilia]

I will agree w/ his new friends about d&d and watching/reading fantasy material. I know you can’t say this about EVERYTHING, but these 2 particular activities can become addictions and it’s just to say that if it doesn’t lead you TO Christ, it very well may be leading you AWAY from him.

I know d&d gets a bad rap b/c of radical players out there who take it to the nth degree w/ occultism and such, but the thing to remember is ‘Except for the grace of God, there go I.’

Uh, BTW, when you say ‘fantasy’ videos and books, are we talking along the same lines as d&d or are we talking smutty stuff? The latter is the first thing that came to my mind.

 

[kage_ar]

Invite them to Mass with you.

 

[Little_Katie]

Wow, I find that highly unusual that fellow worshippers would come to someone’s house and confiscate items like that - were they invited? Even if they were invited by your friend, something that invasive shoulda been discussed w/ his wife first as it’s her home too.

This sounds like an imposed intervention to me. Perhaps he is ready to give up these things in his life, but he should really remove these items himself. By all means, have an accountability buddy, but I don’t think having these things imposed on his life are going to be that successful. Has he even sat down and talked to his wife about his newfound beliefs and the effects they may have not only on his life, but hers?

That’s what makes it so complicated. He gave them full permission. But his wife can tell that it’s hurting him to give up all his hobbies. He’s just convinced that they are right. And he did ask her about it. She’s just very against it and he’s very for it. She took down the paintings herself and sorted through his clothes. She did the actual stuff but it was the fellow worshipers who told him it was a good idea. She, the wife, got upset and in tantrum kinda went through the house and removed everything fantasy because it was what he wanted. So it’s complicated. She is aware and is going to support her husband but is highly upset by it and has a bad feeling about it all.

 

[Little_Katie]

I will agree w/ his new friends about d&d and watching/reading fantasy material. I know you can’t say this about EVERYTHING, but these 2 particular activities can become addictions and it’s just to say that if it doesn’t lead you TO Christ, it very well may be leading you AWAY from him.

I know d&d gets a bad rap b/c of radical players out there who take it to the nth degree w/ occultism and such, but the thing to remember is ‘Except for the grace of God, there go I.’

Uh, BTW, when you say ‘fantasy’ videos and books, are we talking along the same lines as d&d or are we talking smutty stuff? The latter is the first thing that came to my mind.

I mean anything from The Lord of the Rings and Grim’s Fairytales to TV programs like Medium and Supernatural.

These people think all of it is occult.

My personal take on fantasy things, because it’s my hobby too. Is if there is christian morality to the story it’s fine (say for example the Narnia book series) but things that seem to glorify evil like that aweful Sweeney Tod movie should be avoided.

 

[Thomas63116]

I have a lot more questions than I have answers.

You mentioned that the husband had been “non-practicing.” Non-practicing what? Was he raised Catholic?

What prompted him to seek this out? What does he feel these folks offer that his religious upbrining did not? What is he looking for?

Is your friend whose husband is involved with this involved in any church herself?

It seems to me that she needs to try and understand what it is that he is seeking. Why does he find this appealing?

Then, can she get him to consider some alternatives that help him find what he needs spiritually, but do not involve people coming in and redecorating her house for her.

 

[Little_Katie]

I have a lot more questions than I have answers.

You mentioned that the husband had been “non-practicing.” Non-practicing what? Was he raised Catholic?

-----He wasn’t raised anything but was technically baptised Catholic at birth.

What prompted him to seek this out? What does he feel these folks offer that his religious upbrining did not? What is he looking for?
----- I don’t know the full details but from what he has told me he suddenly felt an urge to come back to God and a work buddy who goes to the Baptist Church was the first person to invite him and so he went w/ it.

Is your friend whose husband is involved with this involved in any church herself?
----- She is a Christian but has hard feelings towards what she calls “organized religion”. She’s one of those ones who reads her bible and keeps to herslef, doesn’t go to a church or claim a denomination.

It seems to me that she needs to try and understand what it is that he is seeking. Why does he find this appealing?
----I agree on this point. She is just scared that this is going to make them grow apart. And she’s also scared that he won’t be himself anymore, not the person she married etc… I can understand this view to a certain extent. I think I would panic too if my husband suddenly decided to give up on all his hobbies especially since they are some (not all by any means) of the key things we have in common.

Then, can she get him to consider some alternatives that help him find what he needs spiritually, but do not involve people coming in and redecorating her house for her.

—I’ll pass this advice to her.

 

[JLCecilia]

Little Katie - you mentioned the fear of you friend quitting his hobby (your fear or the wife’s?) b/c of a common interest.

I picked up a talk on CD given by Matthew Kelly called ‘The Seven Levels of Intimacy.’ He mentions that our society teaches us that love is based on common interests and understanding - it is not. We must realize that in our life our interests are going to change and if we base our love and relationships on that, we’re setting ourselves up. Also, if we base our love and relationships on understanding, then we force our loved ones to present a reason for their feelings. He says the mentality of ‘I’ll love you when I understand you,’ is like standing in front of a fire place saying ‘I’ll give you heat when you give me fire.’ It doesn’t make any sense!!!

Perhaps your friend’s wife knows on some level that she’s supposed to be drawing closer to the Lord too, but she’s given herself some sort of excuse all this time to avoid taking the first step. Now she forced to face this. We all know on some level that we should be doing and being better and we don’t like being confronted.

I know this is a bit extreme, but when discerning what media I’ll give my time and attention to, my rule of thumb is the same as we were taught in school for answering true/false statements - if part of it’s false, it’s all false. Several years back I had a spiritual attack and became convicted that horror/scary movies weren’t good for me and I threw them all out. I could have easily taken them to Hastings for credit towards better material, but then I’m just putting the garbage back on the shelf for someone else to pick up and be afflicted by. Sometimes we just gotta clean house.

 

[noclevername]

Please don’t judge all protestant churchs on this. I grew up attending a lot of churches of a lot of different denominations so I’ve learned quite a bit about each. Baptist tend to be very extreme. And I am not trying to be against Baptists but they can be a little over the top. They see every thing as a sin. For example, my sister and her husband have a nontraditional relationship. He stays at home with the kids and she works. They really like it that way. And she has so much more earning potential than he ever will because of her career and she really likes to work. Dont’ get me wrong, she loves her kids dearly and misses them but she likes her career too. And her husband is WONDERFUL with the kids. They went to a counseling session with a Baptist pastor once and the first thing he told them was that there marriage is a sin because of their nontraditional household. WHATEVER!!!

So yeah, this guy needs to be careful. I wonder what lead him to that church in the first place. If he is insistant on the Protestant religion, tell him to go visit a Methodist Church.