Please Help, Need Advice!

[BlankFace]

I’ve had a serious revival of faith recently, although it has come with what I think is a serious crisis in faith.

After going to a wonderful evangelical (but not “crazy”) summer camp with my uncle’s family I seriously began thinking about my faith again. I grew up Catholic, but turned into a lazy agnostic and basically held the belief that a reasonably good person would go to heaven if it exsisted and the really bad people would go to hell. I’ve since come back to God, and realized after mild bible study—this is not the case.

I know God loves us and is forgiving, however its in how I should return that love that is really troubling me. I wanted to do something along the lines of Dorothy Day, showing the love of Christ by loving and aiding others. I’ve always wanted to get into charity in some sort of way even before I found faith again, and the notion that Charity is seen as an outstanding way of exposing people to Christ’s love really appeals to me. However I have the fear that this is just my personal dream which I want act out under the guise of Christ who may not want me to do this.

I’ve done a bunch of research on different types of christianity, and then found something that may drive me Insane, Calvinism. Suffering has been making me feel extremely paranoid lately and horrificly anxious. I keep coming to this idea that in order to enter heaven, we must suffer on earth. I’ve already stoped thinking lustfully of women, somethimes even covering my eyes in some cases, but I do not think this is real suffering. I keep getting this Calvinistic fear that the people I love won’t go to heaven, even if I turn them back towards the Church(like getting my dad to go to mass again) and the love of Jesus Christ. Then sometimes I think that I am in fact am not going heaven so I should just say F— It , but the fear of hell brings me to unbelieveable anxiety.

Thinking about this has turned me into an insomniac and has led me to drink more at night just to rid myself of the anxiety. I get these ideas where I should just go into the wilderness and seperate myself from all earthly desires, including helping the poor and all charity, and just pray and wait for the rapture. However the flip side is that I’m actually under the inlfuence of an evil force who’s trying to thwart my natural inclination towards loving others and carrying out charity.

Has anyone dealt with these types of fears or have any advice?

God Bless you for your help.

 

[roselily]

I’ve had a serious revival of faith recently, although it has come with what I think is a serious crisis in faith.

After going to a wonderful evangelical (but not “crazy”) summer camp with my uncle’s family I seriously began thinking about my faith again. I grew up Catholic, but turned into a lazy agnostic and basically held the belief that a reasonably good person would go to heaven if it exsisted and the really bad people would go to hell. I’ve since come back to God, and realized after mild bible study—this is not the case.

I know God loves us and is forgiving, however its in how I should return that love that is really troubling me. I wanted to do something along the lines of Dorothy Day, showing the love of Christ by loving and aiding others. I’ve always wanted to get into charity in some sort of way even before I found faith again, and the notion that Charity is seen as an outstanding way of exposing people to Christ’s love really appeals to me. However I have the fear that this is just my personal dream which I want act out under the guise of Christ who may not want me to do this.

I’ve done a bunch of research on different types of christianity, and then found something that may drive me Insane, Calvinism. Suffering has been making me feel extremely paranoid lately and horrificly anxious. I keep coming to this idea that in order to enter heaven, we must suffer on earth. I’ve already stoped thinking lustfully of women, somethimes even covering my eyes in some cases, but I do not think this is real suffering. I keep getting this Calvinistic fear that the people I love won’t go to heaven, even if I turn them back towards the Church(like getting my dad to go to mass again) and the love of Jesus Christ. Then sometimes I think that I am in fact am not going heaven so I should just say F— It , but the fear of hell brings me to unbelieveable anxiety.

Thinking about this has turned me into an insomniac and has led me to drink more at night just to rid myself of the anxiety. I get these ideas where I should just go into the wilderness and seperate myself from all earthly desires, including helping the poor and all charity, and just pray and wait for the rapture. However the flip side is that I’m actually under the inlfuence of an evil force who’s trying to thwart my natural inclination towards loving others and carrying out charity.

Has anyone dealt with these types of fears or have any advice?

God Bless you for your help.

Blank Face, Pray to God and love God and others, I think you ve been doing good, and please ask blessed Angels and all Saints in Heaven help also, purifies our souls from worry, anger, hatred, for we read in Bible , do not worry about tomorrow, and anger is not good.

Look at us! For us there will be eternal life and happiness, that happiness is inexhaustible and no one can know now.

so rejoice in the Lord always! Be strong take heart.

I read this from Fr. Vincent Serpa’s wonderful posts, hope can give you comfort also:

“that we are here to love God as much as we can and that God allows evil that a greater good can come from it. When we struggle against evil because we love God, our loves grows stronger than it would have if we hadn’t put forth such effort. It is His will that we love Him as much as we can because this will give us a greater appreciation of Him in heaven—which is the best thing He can do for us.”
-Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=512264

**see, that God allows evil that a greater good can come from it. …/**B]and if you think of this, you will be more calm in this world and wait for our Lord come , think, then, how happy we shall be.Bless God! Praise the Lord! :angel1:

 

[Edward_H]

I’ve had a serious revival of faith recently, although it has come with what I think is a serious crisis in faith.

After going to a wonderful evangelical (but not “crazy”) summer camp with my uncle’s family I seriously began thinking about my faith again. I grew up Catholic, but turned into a lazy agnostic and basically held the belief that a reasonably good person would go to heaven if it exsisted and the really bad people would go to hell. I’ve since come back to God, and realized after mild bible study—this is not the case.

I know God loves us and is forgiving, however its in how I should return that love that is really troubling me. I wanted to do something along the lines of Dorothy Day, showing the love of Christ by loving and aiding others. I’ve always wanted to get into charity in some sort of way even before I found faith again, and the notion that Charity is seen as an outstanding way of exposing people to Christ’s love really appeals to me. However I have the fear that this is just my personal dream which I want act out under the guise of Christ who may not want me to do this.

I’ve done a bunch of research on different types of christianity, and then found something that may drive me Insane, Calvinism. Suffering has been making me feel extremely paranoid lately and horrificly anxious. I keep coming to this idea that in order to enter heaven, we must suffer on earth. I’ve already stoped thinking lustfully of women, somethimes even covering my eyes in some cases, but I do not think this is real suffering. I keep getting this Calvinistic fear that the people I love won’t go to heaven, even if I turn them back towards the Church(like getting my dad to go to mass again) and the love of Jesus Christ. Then sometimes I think that I am in fact am not going heaven so I should just say F— It , but the fear of hell brings me to unbelieveable anxiety.

Thinking about this has turned me into an insomniac and has led me to drink more at night just to rid myself of the anxiety. I get these ideas where I should just go into the wilderness and seperate myself from all earthly desires, including helping the poor and all charity, and just pray and wait for the rapture. However the flip side is that I’m actually under the inlfuence of an evil force who’s trying to thwart my natural inclination towards loving others and carrying out charity.

Has anyone dealt with these types of fears or have any advice?

God Bless you for your help.

Couple of starter thoughts.

1. You don’t sound like you’re carrying these thoughts to a period of quiet daily prayer with God your Father. Sounds like you’re white-knuckling your way through this, solo. But these topics are just the sort of thing that can make up a conversation with God. 15 minute a day, bring a set of short topics. And start by telling Him that you desire to pray but don’t know how.
2. Suffering. The Catholic Church understands suffering as a largely unavoidable part of life. We have to work, we have to go against our will, we have to work on our virtues, we have to temper our desires to be in line with God’s will for these desires, we have loved ones die, we get sick, we face set backs. All part of life.

But when these things are viewed as opportunities to join with Christ in His suffering for us, they cease to become as onerous…some can even find joy in the struggle. Struggling with God, as it were. This is a new level of interior life that needs to be pursued through practice, much prayer, spiritual direction, and abandonment to God’s will.

Suffering takes on a new, supernatural meaning.

Take it easy, one step closer to God at a time. I’d recommend mental/conversational prayer every day, and maybe some solid spiritual reading (e.g., The Virtues of Holiness: The Basics of Spiritual Struggle; Juan Luis Lorda).

 

[BlankFace]

Thank you very much for your reply. Also I should mention that during my time away from the church, I did dabble in the occult which I always thought of as a stupid teenage phase, but now I’m terrified that maybe I have actually invited some sort of evil into my psyche. I don’t do that anymore, though I still have an obsession with numbers, i.e. numerology. I get this belief that God is trying to tell me something through seeing significant numbers during significant times or thoughts. I read about “Christian Numerology” especially as it pertains to Saint Agustine- which made me think maybe this was significant, however I attached significance to these numbers via books and beliefs in the occult.

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but please pray for me.

 

[Edward_H]

Thank you very much for your reply. Also I should mention that during my time away from the church, I did dabble in the occult which I always thought of as a stupid teenage phase, but now I’m terrified that maybe I have actually invited some sort of evil into my psyche. I don’t do that anymore, though I still have an obsession with numbers, i.e. numerology. I get this belief that God is trying to tell me something through seeing significant numbers during significant times or thoughts. I read about “Christian Numerology” especially as it pertains to Saint Agustine- which made me think maybe this was significant, however I attached significance to these numbers via books and beliefs in the occult.

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but please pray for me.

Leave the numerology and other stuff in the rear view mirror. God has far more substantial stuff for you to get busy with. People to help, skills to develop, knowledge to gain and to give away. God’s talking to you for sure…but not in numbers. He talks often to us in the people He puts around us. You need to start building up your interior life…yes your interior life. Your life with God in your soul. God is leaning forward…waiting for you to say “Yes, Lord…I am ready to start doing your will.”

The greatest joy in life is to give yourself in total service and abandonment to God, through your generous giving to others.

 

[rskempf]

You need to see a priest right away and at a particular church too. This must be a church that has posted times of Sacrament of Penance more than once per week. This is one way to know the parish priest is “fit for service.”

Check out the listings by your zipcode at www.masstimes.org.

You need spritual direction from a priest that has the time to spare. Your eternal life will depend upon it.

Stop any occult practices immediately and forever. Your attraction to these is coming from the devil. He wants you to keep up at least a little activity that will have the effect of keeping the door open to him.

 

[phoenixrrt62]

I’ve had a serious revival of faith recently, although it has come with what I think is a serious crisis in faith.

After going to a wonderful evangelical (but not “crazy”) summer camp with my uncle’s family I seriously began thinking about my faith again. I grew up Catholic, but turned into a lazy agnostic and basically held the belief that a reasonably good person would go to heaven if it exsisted and the really bad people would go to hell. I’ve since come back to God, and realized after mild bible study—this is not the case.

I know God loves us and is forgiving, however its in how I should return that love that is really troubling me. I wanted to do something along the lines of Dorothy Day, showing the love of Christ by loving and aiding others. I’ve always wanted to get into charity in some sort of way even before I found faith again, and the notion that Charity is seen as an outstanding way of exposing people to Christ’s love really appeals to me. However I have the fear that this is just my personal dream which I want act out under the guise of Christ who may not want me to do this.

I’ve done a bunch of research on different types of christianity, and then found something that may drive me Insane, Calvinism. Suffering has been making me feel extremely paranoid lately and horrificly anxious. I keep coming to this idea that in order to enter heaven, we must suffer on earth. I’ve already stoped thinking lustfully of women, somethimes even covering my eyes in some cases, but I do not think this is real suffering. I keep getting this Calvinistic fear that the people I love won’t go to heaven, even if I turn them back towards the Church(like getting my dad to go to mass again) and the love of Jesus Christ. Then sometimes I think that I am in fact am not going heaven so I should just say F— It ,*** but the fear of hell brings me to unbelieveable anxiety.

---

Thinking about this has turned me into an insomniac and has led me to drink more at night just to rid myself of the anxiety.*** I get these ideas where I should just go into the wilderness and seperate myself from all earthly desires, including helping the poor and all charity, and just pray and wait for the rapture***. However the flip side is that I’m actually under the inlfuence of an evil force who’s trying to thwart my natural inclination towards loving others and carrying out charity.

Has anyone dealt with these types of fears or have any advice?

God Bless you for your help.

Um. You sound to be suffering form severe anxiety. Can you/do you see a MH professional?
I hope you aren’t offended, I mean no offense. I’ve been anxious like that when I was a young adult. I actually had to take medication and get therapy for my anxiety…so, I can relate.
I’m not saying your concern and search for religion/a religious home is bad, mind, I would explore that, also, if you feel you need to…I just get that you are unusually anxious…

 

[Hiskid1973]

I wouldn’t be a good evangelical if I didn’t tell you to get into the scriptures…Study to shew yourself a workman unto the Lord…His word is a lamp and a light…It’s chocked with His promises…Get a good prayer life started, daily talking/communing with the Lord…You’ll learn how suffering purifies your life…Get yourself a spiritual “big brother” to stay accountable…As for numerology, be careful what you get into as things like that can lead you astray…Remember He will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is fixed on Him…Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you…
You will really learn to know How much love He has for you. Be at peace, learn to rest in His love…Remember your on a journey…Make sure you talk with a pastor/priest about the anxiety, like someone mentioned above…They should be wise
enough to know between a healthy fear of God and being obsessive…Drinking because of anxiety is not a healthy response although many do it…

 

[quotidianum]

Blank Face, perhaps the reason you’re troubled with unreasonable fears is because you are letting yourself think the thoughts of a heretic. Calvin, like Luther and Zwingli, specifically rejected the one True Faith, the Holy Catholic Faith, and thus they fell into serious errors. They were very disturbed people, and you shouldn’t fret about their claims. Think instead about the truth. Calm your mind, now, and just relax.

You have to be logical. It is through logic that you have been lead to an interest in truth, and it is through an interest in truth (little “t”) that you will be lead to Truth, big T. The only reason to believe anything is because it is true. The reason to believe in the Catholic Faith is, therefore, because it is true. Catholicism is only religion wherein you are under no obligation to believe in things that are untrue: it is the Church literally established by Jesus Christ Himself.

First and foremost, you likely have a familiarly with the Bible, the Word of God, if you are Protestant. Therein you’ll see the Gospels. I recommend you start calmly reading the gospels, particularly the very first chapter of John, and then Matthew. You will find that our Lord was NOT interested in confusing or frustrating us, and he was not interesting in causing us the trouble you are now feeling. He laid a very simple path to Him, and promised us that if we stay on the path, we will find heaven with Him. He also laid just one path (one Church), which means that we will have no regrets that “there might have been another way,” or “oh, I should have taken this way” or “that way:” He knows how we are, He made us, and He knows how to keep it simple. He even gave us a specific Sacrament to bring us back into the state of grace, a Sacrament called Penance, that allows us to be literally purified and placed back on the path without the burden our of past sins, and all we must do is contritely confess to HIm. Calvin didn’t believe in Penance: if I didn’t believe in Penance, I would be paranoid too! We all sin, and we must be able to humbly and contritely accuse ourselves of our sins sacramentally to God, and God really, really, really does forgive us.

There is a very important prayer in Catholicism called “The Act of Contrition.” If you are ever in danger of death, be sure to say and MEAN IT! Say it also a couple of time a day, particularly when you feel troubled, or when you get that feeling in your chest and throat like your heart aches in guilt (see? I know what you mean!). You will find that soon you’ll know it by heart, and if you say it with your heart----that it, truly and fully—you will start to understand the incredible love and mercy of our Lord. You will be brought closer the Truth, which will naturally bring you closer to the True Church. Here it is:

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who is all Good, and deserving of all my love! I firmly resolve, with the help by Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.

The central idea in this prayer is to recognize that our sins hurt God, first and foremost. The reason not to sin is because it hurts God, and God just loves us and never deserves that. Secondarily, our sins usually hurt other people. You are troubled with ideas of suffering right because you are thinking more of yourself than you are of God. Don’t think about your suffering: think about God’s suffering. Remember what happened in the garden of olives, on the night before He was crucified: our Lord Jesus Christ suffered such agony and misery that He literally sweat blood. He was feeling the pain of every one of our sins, the sins of all people for all time, there in that garden. He took that suffering which we all have caused Him, and instead of getting mad at us, He continued to love to unto the point of death! Wow! That is love, and that is Truth.

There is victory over suffering, Blank Face, and Jesus Christ Himself proved it by His glorious resurrection and ascension into Heaven. You are called like all people to thank and praise Him through his Church, and to take up the graces He has given us through the Holy Sacraments. The sooner you start your studies of and embraces of the Catholic Faith, the better! If you are a protestant, you’ve already been baptized, and all those who are baptized “In the Name of the Father and the Son and Holy Ghost” are, technically, Catholics until they reject the teaching of the Christ in hi Church (which usually happens when they reject the Real Presence of the Eucharist). There are specific heresies that you must reject and truths in the Church you must accept in order for the graces of God to come upon you, as per what our Lord Himself instructed. You can and absolutely should become a Catholic! You are a little sheep right now who is out in the field, and who just realized that he has wandered too far from his Shepard. You have that feeling in the pit of your stomach, “Uh-oh…” There are wolves out there (like Calvin!) who will call you further into darkness, but you must resist them, as they only speak lies. You must listen to your Shepard call you, and only walk towards Him, without deviation, because He will put you back on the path with the One Flock, and He will lead you to paradise. There is only one way to get there, and that is through the Catholic Faith He established.

 

[quotidianum]

And I forgot to mention, BlankFace, you must immediately cease with any connection to numerology or “magic” of any kind. These things are lies made up by humans, and all lies attract evil spirits. You need not worry about knowing the future (and you cannot know it anyway), but instead submit to God’s Will.

There is a really good little book that you might get, I think it will help with your anxiety: it is called “Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence: the Secret to Peace and Happiness,” by Fr Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure. This here should be a good link, to where you can read it online in 2 parts, let me know if it works or not:

olrl.org/snt_docs/trustful/

Its only $4.00 to get a hard copy, anyway, and it is only about the size of a cell phone manual, but what a manual for life it is! It was written by a wise Catholic preist in the 1600’s, and it has helped so many souls. I think you’ll see that life is not as complicated as so many make it seem after reading this little book. You must simply trustfully surrender to the divine Will of God.

 

[Brighitte]

Why don’t you read a book? A book about a saint so that you can see how someone lived their life pleasing God and see the struggles they faced, their lives may teach you things and you might see some things you can relate to. I haven’t read the Diary of St. Faustina yet but I hear it’s great!

I have felt like you before, anxious about whether or not I should be suffering in order to go to Heaven, but something very important I learned is that God gave me what he intended me to have on this earth, and that it’s okay when you use what you have to glorify him.

 

[ready]

I recommend that you seek out a good, holy Catholic priest for regular spiritual direction. Don’t fear; he will be able to help you. Also, seek out a priest whose ministry includes deliverance so he can deal with any spirits that may have tried to attach themselves to you through your involvement with the occult.

If your pastor isn’t very orthodox, then go to another parish.

Don’t fear suffering because it is our means of sanctification.

When you are afraid that you are going to hell pray to Mary for her assistance and make sure you are in a state of grace. If you suspect that you aren’t, then just go to confession
and make an honest and humble confession of your sins.

Quit the drinking, too. It will only lead you to despair in the end. Read the Bible every time you want to pour a drink and read until your urge passes.

St. Louis de Montfort in his book The Secret of Mary lists the means of holiness and salvation as: sincere humility, unceasing prayer, complete self denial, abandonment to Divine Providence, and obedience to the will of God. Reflect on these things and try to live by them. Keep away from evil, seek peace and do good. Love God and your neighbor to the best of your ability and don’t let yourself panic over things - pray instead.

Persevere!

 

[pablope]

Thank you very much for your reply. Also I should mention that during my time away from the church, I did dabble in the occult which I always thought of as a stupid teenage phase, but now I’m terrified that maybe I have actually invited some sort of evil into my psyche. I don’t do that anymore, though I still have an obsession with numbers, i.e. numerology. I get this belief that God is trying to tell me something through seeing significant numbers during significant times or thoughts. I read about “Christian Numerology” especially as it pertains to Saint Agustine- which made me think maybe this was significant, however I attached significance to these numbers via books and beliefs in the occult.

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but please pray for me.

Oh my gosh…you dabbled in the occult…I think you said your were raised Catholic…so I would presume you were baptized as an infant. Check with your parents or any member of your family to confirm this. If you have been baptized, go see a priest and, make an appointment for confession at the earliest time possible, not wait for the next weekend. Sometimes, parish priests will make time for you…and confess your dabbling with the occult. Sorry to alarm you…

If you remember your prayers…pray the Hail Mary…and re-learn to pray the rosary…it is very powerful against dark ones…My final advice is to seek regular spiritual direction from your parish priest…and rejoin Jesus’s church.