Please help!

[Blackshirtproud]

This weekend was the best and worst I have ever had in 36 years of life.

A quick preface.
My wife and I were confirmed in the church in Feb. and my kids are to be baptised this coming Sun. I was baptised Methodist and from there on out in all sorts of different non-denom. I myself never really cared for any of it and became more or less agnostic.

The good.

Sat night we went to the Easter Vigil and what a profound night! Before service I was asked if I would help light the Easter fire. I accepted but was nervous because this being my first vigil I had no idea what I was doing let alone even see it done before. We had known before hand that my oldest daughter was going to carry one of the easter ribbon banners for the procession when the lights come on, the music picked up joyfully and some bells were being rang in joy that Christ was alive! One of the best moments of my life and several times had to hold back tears.

my troubles For the part I need help.

Sun my parents had asked a few days earlier if we wanted to get together for easter dinner.
Fine with us, so we made lamb , etc. and had dinner w them. We spoke of normal things until they had made the gesture that they should probably be on their way. Then a few moments later I could hear them telling my wife about how " how the Catholic Church does not teach what their dogma says" and " the church worships Mary above Jesus" ! And was telling her that he was giving all of these printed papers jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/false_religions.htm#rc
off for us to read so that we knew the heresy the church teaches!
I had had enough and confronted him about it and shortly told them it was time for them to leave.
Then they continued. That the bible was the only way! Not the church. And that the church says you have to be baptised and that that is wrong! When I challenged him on this of where he got the info all he would reference are " these people say/studied " . And that it is in the bible. To which I replied " what bible, the word bible is never even mentioned in The bible".
According to him the only correct one is the KJV. ( which my mom disagrees w/him.
He then goes on to tell me that Catholics think you have to do works to obtain heaven and that purgatory is bs also.

My grandmother is 90 and he believes that if he does not go and try to save her one last time she may be going to hell and I told him that he could not be sure of that and it is wrong for him to think so because none of us know. He believes it is the duty of the Christian to witness to others . To my retort was dad, is that not a “work” that you so vehemently just told me was wrong? He could not answer me.

There were many other discussions and the jist is that I had a very confused and troubled life growing up and I have recently felt that the RCC has filled me up with truth but the way my parents came at me and presented me with the info from the above link has torn me apart.
I ended up telling them that if they felt so strongly about what they said that I did not want them tere sun for the kids Baptism and quite frankly did not want to hear nor see them for a very long time. They over my life have hurt me that bad!

Please help me! If others can see the link to the info and help me understand.

 

[krhat]

This sounds like it has less to do with being Catholic and more to do with a troubled relationship with your parents. I have a lot of trouble with boundaries with my parents also. I found a wonderful therapist who helped me become better at laying down ground rules, etc. I still don’t have a perfect relationship with my parents, and I don’t see them super often, though we live in the same city, but they have more or less stopped with the yucky comments, etc. I think a good therapist might really help you to make sense of it all and to learn how to lay down ground rules with your parents without getting upset/emotional. My parents always used the upset/emotional anger as ammunition against me. Anyway, congratulations on confirmation! We were confirmed at the Vigil just this Saturday, and my children are being baptized next Saturday.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

It sounds like you need to set some specific boundries with your parents - over discussing religion and perhaps some other things.

I recommend you speak to your priest about this. If you can get an appointment this week -great. if not, simply get on his schedule as soon as possible. The information your father gave you is wrong. It is distorted by people who want to say their man-made way is the only correct path. There are tons of resources right here at Catholic Answers to help you understand the issues, but talk to your priest first.

Since you have dis-invited your parents to the baptism, continue with a period to cool down. Ifpossible, I think families should try to stay in contact, but depending on what else happened in your upbringing, it may be better if you have very little contact with your parents.

You and your wife need to be united in this, so that they don’t try to play you against each other. Start a practice of family prayer time (maybe before bed) it will help you all grow stronger in Christ and united together.

I will pray for you.

 

[DeaconThom]

It always hurts me to hear how Christians of different traditions react so judgmentally towards others. All main-line Christians are baptized into the same Christian faith. While it does appear that your long-standing family relationships may be getting in the way, it is also common for more fundamentalist-thinking Christians to harbor this kind of anti-Catholic sentiments. I look at Jesus as the model, and that model is pastoral, healing, inviting but never confrontational. He looked with kindness on the Roman Centurion, the Samaritans he encountered, on the Canaanite woman, etc, but never fought over their different ideologies. He stayed with them by ministering lovingly to them while honoring their religious differences. Healing is a difficult and often arduous process. It begins with an openness to love even when there are fierce disagreements. It appears that this fundamental outlook has even spilled-over to your father’s judgement about your grandmother. I just do not see a God who is so harsh and condemning. I see a God who is waiting with open arms and eager to forgive any and all sins. My counsel is to stay calm, gentle and in the graces of God while dealing with your parents. You may never be able to convince them in an argument that their outlook is flawed and yours is right, but you may be able to help them find more peace in their Christian walk by seeing how much you love and accept them even with the religious gap that exists. It is no wonder that diverse religions cannot find common ground when we live inside our common Christian Baptism with so many remaining divisions and fierce prejudices still remaining. Finally, and I do not say this lightly, pray for them and for family healing. If you want to dialog about this in more detail, please let me know.

Blessings of Peace,
Deacon Thom
thom@seventhdirection.com