Please pray for my healing...what else can I do?

[JCats12]

Hi everyone. I’m here because I want to reach out to someone and I need help.
I think I’ll start with some background. Growing up, I was verbally and emotionally abused as a child, however the effects of that did not spring up until I was in middle school, where I suffered from low self esteem and suicidal thoughts. Right before my Sophomore year of high school, I started to accept Jesus into my life and I began to find my worth in Him and my self esteem increased and suicidal thoughts went away.

However, the summer before my senior year of high school, I relapsed. I scored a 3 out of 7 in my IB Chemistry Exams. It was a very difficult exam, most people scored 3s which is considered a passing grade and highest grade from my school was a 5. When my mom found out she yelled at me so much and said some really horrible things to me. I felt so worthless. That day, I plotted to end my life, and I committed self harm upon myself. It’s a day that I just wish I can forget and I remember that time period, I would not even leave the house because I couldn’t. I didn’t reach out for help because I was afraid someone would tell me that it was my fault.

I suppressed the hurt and pain and I eventually got better and I haven’t had a thought of suicide since…in fact, I ended up getting my full IB diploma as I replaced the Chemistry score with Psychology. The situation in my house is good and my mom is not verbally abusive anymore…she had a conversion, due to the grace of God.

I left home for university on the other side of the country and I’m currently in my Freshman year. However, recently those memories of that day began to resurface. The pain, the fact that I wanted to commit suicide that day, it’s all coming back and I don’t know what to do about it. I cry every now and then because of the pain of those memories. In fact, it’s to the point where I am sensitive to blunt statements. For example, a very near and dear friend of mine said the words “Well, that was your fault” because of a certain mistake I made and I immediately flash backed to that memory. I’m afraid of getting hurt by others and I’m afraid of failure.

I’m actually thinking of getting counseling because I feel that I’m going to be going no where with the pain within me. It’s going to definitely affect the relationships I have with others and even my future. Please pray for me…I need healing, but would counseling make it better?

 

[egretps]

I will pray for you.

The news that your mother has been delivered from abusive behavior is a Wonderful example of what the Power of God can do with a cooperative soul. This too I will thank God for achieving for you and your mother.

You should consider going to the counseling services at your university. They may charge a fee, but it should be minimal. Please do not think about doing this someday, please make that call today. If you ever find you aren’t getting help with that counselor sign up with a new one. They’re training many on campus!

Also, we all fail. Those that don’t fail much also don’t achieve much. “Failure isn’t an option” you often can read on memes. No kidding, it’s part of the process. DO NOT Fear it. I still don’t like it. You don’t have to like it either.

God has Big plans for you! Honest, “For I know the plans I have for you…” Jeremiah 29:11

People are complicated and sometimes they will let you down. Some might actually hurt you. But, the difference today, not like when you were little, is you can speak up and sometimes you can chose to walk away! Many times. Sometimes you will want to stand firm and let the blowhards blow. This is good news.

Consider wearing a blessed miraculous medal. Find yourself a beautiful patron saint who can hold your hand along with your Guardian Angel.

Jcats12 you can pm me if you want, I’ve been there.

 

[JCats12]

Thank you so much. It really helped. I really hope that I can overcome this.

 

[Crusaderbear]

See the chaplain/priest where you attend mass. He may provide some assistance. Praying for you my friend.

 

[egretps]

See the chaplain/priest where you attend mass. He may provide some assistance. Praying for you my friend.

This too! /\ See if there is a Newman Center on Campus. That’s usually what the Catholic chapel youth center is called on many campuses.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newman_Centers

I didn’t go ‘away’ to school until my 3rd year, and didn’t know that Newman Center was the Catholic church on campus until nearly my 4th year.

The school student body was mostly Southern Baptist and Lutheran.

 

[ynotzap]

Hi everyone. I’m here because I want to reach out to someone and I need help.
I think I’ll start with some background. Growing up, I was verbally and emotionally abused as a child, however the effects of that did not spring up until I was in middle school, where I suffered from low self esteem and suicidal thoughts. Right before my Sophomore year of high school, I started to accept Jesus into my life and I began to find my worth in Him and my self esteem increased and suicidal thoughts went away.

However, the summer before my senior year of high school, I relapsed. I scored a 3 out of 7 in my IB Chemistry Exams. It was a very difficult exam, most people scored 3s which is considered a passing grade and highest grade from my school was a 5. When my mom found out she yelled at me so much and said some really horrible things to me. I felt so worthless. That day, I plotted to end my life, and I committed self harm upon myself. It’s a day that I just wish I can forget and I remember that time period, I would not even leave the house because I couldn’t. I didn’t reach out for help because I was afraid someone would tell me that it was my fault.

I suppressed the hurt and pain and I eventually got better and I haven’t had a thought of suicide since…in fact, I ended up getting my full IB diploma as I replaced the Chemistry score with Psychology. The situation in my house is good and my mom is not verbally abusive anymore…she had a conversion, due to the grace of God.

I left home for university on the other side of the country and I’m currently in my Freshman year. However, recently those memories of that day began to resurface. The pain, the fact that I wanted to commit suicide that day, it’s all coming back and I don’t know what to do about it. I cry every now and then because of the pain of those memories. In fact, it’s to the point where I am sensitive to blunt statements. For example, a very near and dear friend of mine said the words “Well, that was your fault” because of a certain mistake I made and I immediately flash backed to that memory. I’m afraid of getting hurt by others and I’m afraid of failure.

I’m actually thinking of getting counseling because I feel that I’m going to be going no where with the pain within me. It’s going to definitely affect the relationships I have with others and even my future. Please pray for me…I need healing, but would counseling make it better?

It seems that when you experience a failing experience, you experience a reliving painful experience of childhood. That happens because of “association” your mind makes which is deeply impressed by past childhood experiences. It can even be an “obsession” You must accept yourself,as we all must do, as fallible, subject to faults and imperfections. After all who do we think we are, perfect? Accept it as it is perfectly normal and human, and say to yourself " what did you expect" Your natural imperfections apparently weren’t accepted by your mother and she made an unnecessary big deal about it and consequently made a deep negative impression on you. I suspect you suffer much stress and that can do much harm physically and mentally. Your mother had her own imperfection to deal with. Understanding this, then you can conclude that "she couldn’t give what she didn’t have until she received healing. Don’t give your thoughts “teeth” when they haunt you but try to recognize them for what they are, and what presently is causing them (usually a downing situation) Separate the situations, one past,the other present. deal only with the present and try to dismiss the other, keep trying. God accepts you as you are, as we all are, trust Him Don’t be hard on yourself, and it’s not your fault and when you mess up try to laugh at yourself and move on.

 

[Viki63]

Counseling can be very helpful.
Praying for your complete healing.

This is a scripture that has often helped me, when intrusive thoughts come up:
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound and disciplined mind.” 2 Tim 1:7.

.

 

[Rose71]

Just remember - you did your best and you passed! From what I’ve heard, the IB is tough!

Your mum had no right to be so horrid to you, but you are not responsible for her outburst.

Counselling is an excellent idea: remember, if nobody else ever felt like you do, counsellors wouldn’t exist, so you are definitely not alone in feeling how you do.