Please Submit Your Funniest Parenting Stories

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All,

I am hoping you can help me out. I am working on a book (hopefully humorous) on parenting. Part of the book will be little stories submitted by parents everywhere. These stories should be 2 or 3 paragraphs. If you want your name listed as anonymous, please note that. Of course, if you want to use fake names for the characters, go right ahead (I won’t know either way!).

If you want to just post the stories on this thread, others can enjoy them as well. Or if you prefer, you can send them to me via private message. Also, if you request via private message, I will send you my info and email address so you know who I am, etc.

Please let your non-Catholic Answers friends know about this as well!

This more funny stories submitted, the better this book will be!

Thanks in advance for your help!🙂
 
I’m still in recovery from parenting (at least that is what my Tshirt says) so I don’t know if I am ready to laugh about it, but if I can come up with something will send it along.
 
Thanks!

If you want more of my info, please PM me.

I’m sure you have some very good stories!
 
This will be from the child’s perspective, as I’m not a parent yet, but it is pretty funny, to me.

I was about 1st or 2nd grade when my parents first broached the idea of modesty. Remember the huge t-shirt fashion fad? Well, I decided since my shirts went down below my knees, I no longer needed to wear shorts or pants under the shirt. My mother called me inside and explained that it was immodest to turn cartwheels outside with the neighbor kids without shorts on.

The next day, I found myself “unfurnished” as usual, and remembered the conversation halfway through a somersault. I rushed inside to get my shorts before Mom noticed, but tripped and opened up my shin really badly. There I was, short-less and in so much pain I couldn’t walk, and all I was worried about was how I would make it to my room to put on shorts without getting blood on the carpet.

Okay so maybe it’s not that funny. Maybe this one is better.

Imagine Christine (2), Steven (4), and Nicole (6) stark naked getting ready for the usual bathing ritual. Nicole runs in, very excited about bath time, and wipes out on a wet spot on the bathroom floor. A little bruised, she marches proudly to mom, on the other side of the house, that, “Christine has been playing in the toilet again.”

“Are you sure that’s water?” Mom sniffs Nicole’s arm. “No, that’s not water.” Nicole’s composure is shot all too pieces, not to mention the satisfaction of tattling on Christine. Worse, it went in the annual Christmas letter as, "When in the bathroom arose such a clatter/I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter/Nicole exclaimed, ‘Why Mom can’t you see?/I’ve slipped in a puddle of Christine’s peepee,’ " with a note that Christine had been taking her big girl potty lessons from Steven and believed the stream would come out of her belly button.
 
vlvuvski - that was awesome!!!

I’ve got a few but probably aren’t book worthy. I’m definitely going to buy your book!
 
When my son was a baby, I was always hearing from people how much he looked like my husband.
I have always thought my husband was good looking so I took this as a compliment.
However after hearing it several times, I begin to wonder if anyone thought he looked like me at all.
Finally one more person commented on how much he looked like my husband.
I looked at them and replied…

“Yah…y’know we’re not even sure who the mother is.”

I got some laughs out of this person with my comment and surprised myself with the wit I didn’t know I had.

Karen
 
A fairly recent conversation with my 4 year old son…

Mom - “Wow, I’m tired… I don’t feel very well”

Son - “Mommy, go take the EGG out of your tummy!”

Mom thinking - (HOLY CHRISTMAS! Am I pregnant or something? I know kids have natural instincts on this stuff, but I hadn’t even thought about that… no way it’s just not possible!)

Mom - “Uhhh, no son… there’s no EGG my tummy!”

Son - “But your tummy hurts?”

Mom - “Yes, I think I ate too much spaghetti.”

Son - “Mommy, I’m sorry you have a tummy EGG. Why don’t you take the EGG out of your tummy??”
**
realization hits**

Mom - “No son… not a tummy EGG! There’s no EGG in my tummy…
I have a tummy ACHE!” 😃
 
I had to work late one night and dh (bless his heart) made dinner for the kids. He decided to cook up the bag of cheese raviolis in the freezer. Well, you know how a mix of cheeses can have a distinguishable odor when they are cooking?

Alexander (3 years old): Pewww Daddy! What’s that smell? (holding his nose)

DH: Aw, that’s just your breath Xander. :eek:

Alexander is okay with this answer and sits at the table. Dh put his bowl of raviolis in front of him. Alexander leans down and smells his dinner.

“Um, Daddy,” he says, “My dinner smells like breath!”
Alexander asked me one night when putting him to bed, “Mom, where is the fruit?”

Me: Huh? In the kitchen.

A: No mom, where’s my fruit? It’s supposed to be in my room.

I have no idea what he is talking about and apparently he can tell cause he says:

“You know. Hail Mary, full of grace… Blessed art thou among women and and blessed is the fruit in my room.”
I took Alexander with me to one of my early ultrasounds when I was pregnant with Kyle. So early you couldn’t even tell it was a baby. Well, my OB tells him, “Look, that’s your little baby brother or sister inside Mommy’s tummy.”

He has a puzzled look and thinks for a while. Then, “Hey! My baby looks like a jellybean!”

Kyle is 2 months old now and he still gets called Jellybean.
 
previous poster is right, some of the funniest parenting stories involve toilets which is why some parents are permanently fixated with the sense of humor of the average 4 yr old. Bill Cosby had a great routine about his daughter Camille playing in the toilet.

Let’s see, the problem with some of these stories is they don’t seem to have a point. Why would a child try to flush a jacket down the toilet, beginning with one arm, and keep flushing, and flushing, and flushing as water is pouring everywhere and dripping down into the living room?

Or my neighbor, a single mom trying to raise a little boy by herself, who thought a great way to teach him to improve his aim and keep the bathroom floor and wall cleaner would be to buy some little plastic boats, float them in the toilet and encourage him to sink the boats.
 
This story is about my first niece and nephew who are now 20 and 16 yr. old. They both would be so embarrassed if they knew, but they were just kids.

My sister, Lillian, just had her baby boy, Miguel, at the hospital. She had already one child, Lynette, the 5 yr. old sister. When Lillian and Miguel came home from the hospital, Miguel needed his diaper to be changed. Lynette wanted to “help.” She notice the umbilical cord and my sister explained that it will fall off soon as it dried up and his belly button would be like hers. She watched as mom take off the soiled diaper with urine only. She saw her mom clean Miguel with a wipe. She pointed at the scotum and said, “Mommy, when is that going to fall off?”

We all laughed so hard. Lynette was very serious and wanted to know when it was going to fall off.

Story given by their Aunt Nancy
 
puzzleannie said:
Or my neighbor, a single mom trying to raise a little boy by herself, who thought a great way to teach him to improve his aim and keep the bathroom floor and wall cleaner would be to buy some little plastic boats, float them in the toilet and encourage him to sink the boats.
Click to expand...
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
 
This may or may not be relevant, but this is a family legend (which I well remember!)

I’m the baby of 6, and the dinner table was always chaotic, and I felt my siblings constantly teased me. One particular occasion, probably about 7 or 8 years old, I yelled, “Mom, they’re laughing at me!” Her response: “They’re laughing at you, dear, not with you”. Me, rather indigant, “THAT’S THE PROBLEM!”

To this day I don’t know if it was just a Freudian slip or if she was trying to pull one on me. I’m guessing the latter :rotfl:
 
This is my step-mother’s story.

My half-brother was given the assignment of finding out how old his parents were when he was in the first grade. It so happened that he asked my father how old he and my step-mother were. My father told my brother that he was 46 (his correct age) and my step-mother was 95. My brother took that information to school and told his class.

My step-mother didn’t think it was very funny at the time because she was very active in the PTA. Now, that she’s closing in on 95, her sense of humor has mellowed.
 
puzzleannie said:
previous poster is right, some of the funniest parenting stories involve toilets which is why some parents are permanently fixated with the sense of humor of the average 4 yr old. Bill Cosby had a great routine about his daughter Camille playing in the toilet.

Let’s see, the problem with some of these stories is they don’t seem to have a point. Why would a child try to flush a jacket down the toilet, beginning with one arm, and keep flushing, and flushing, and flushing as water is pouring everywhere and dripping down into the living room?

Or my neighbor, a single mom trying to raise a little boy by herself, who thought a great way to teach him to improve his aim and keep the bathroom floor and wall cleaner would be to buy some little plastic boats, float them in the toilet and encourage him to sink the boats.
Click to expand...
I am planning a whole chapter on “toilet” themed stories. They are usually very funny. And as parents, they are one experience that binds us together.
 
More toilet stories you say??

It was the day Steve’s 3rd birthday party, and Mom’s acute hearing told her something was wrong- Steve wasn’t making any noise around the house. “Steven? Are you getting into something you shouldn’t?” No answer. Mom urges her eldest daughter to search for Steve. “Check all the bathrooms. You know how he falls asleep on the toilet when he’s going poop.”
No sign of him.
Worried, Mom begins calling the neighbors. “You haven’t seen him? Can you go see if he happens to be sleeping in your bathroom? I just know he must be sitting on someone’s toilet somewhere,” but no one has seen the little blond haired boy all day.
We scour the house again- toy chest, cabinets, boxes in the basement, crawl space, and God forbid, the oven where Mom had been baking cupcakes earlier.
Finally, we check the laundry room. There he is, all tuckered out, and COVERED in blue icing, and there are the cupcakes, frosting-free. He had sneaked in to get a lick of one of the Cookie Monster cupcakes Mom had so meticulously decorated for hours that morning, got a little carried away, and then fell asleep.
Poor Mom had to explain to all the nervous, concerned neighbors that he had indeed fallen asleep, but not on the toilet this time. Poor Steve never lived down his reputation as the little boy who might sneak into your bathroom and fall asleep while doing his business.
Too bad I don’t have the picture that goes with this one!
 
Hi,
I don’t know if this will be as funny to others as it is to me now, but here goes. Our youngest son is very quiet and reserved. The complaints from his teachers were usually confined to “Brendan is so quiet - he never wants to share anything about himself with the class - Brendan is so smart, but he doesn’t like to talk, etc”. When he learned how to write stories, all complaints mysteriously ended. We found out why at Back to School night one year. Imagine our surprise when we saw his mother and father depicted in a cartoonish drawing standing in our den with fart bubbles coming our of our bottoms! The class had been instructed to write about the funniest thing that had ever happened to them. Remember this is 3rd grade - “The funniest thing that ever happened to me was one time when I thought my mom had farted. It turned out it wasn’t my mom though, it was my dad.” This story with picture was hanging in the hallway for all to see that night 😃
 
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