Poems I wrote on Christ and our Lady; opinions and advice?

  • Thread starter Thread starter CatholicMan17
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

CatholicMan17

Guest
For Her Mother-in-law

Her mother-in-law,
Would come day and night;
His mother a stand,
For lifting His Light.

And into their bed,
His mother would crawl;
To kiss their sweet heads,
This mother so small.

She’d always obey,
Her Son Who knew best;
And all through the day,
Repose at their Chests.

His mother is yours’,
His mother is mine;
His Bride is the Church,
And He is the Christ.

Demons

Demons, there are three,
They try to bring me to my knees;
Pull me down into the sea,
And so I grasp her hair.

Her hair, I smell her hair;
The Blessed Mother seems to care.
I grasp for warmth, I gasp for air,
I grasp for someone anywhere;
I gasp my last gasp of her scent,
Our Lady gives my cheek a kiss,
As I am chained up on the wall,
I cannot live afraid to fall.

I fall; I fall so hard,
And try to pick up all the shards,
The shards; they are my every thought,
Yet all are broken, false, or lost.

Stanzas on Christ #1 - Oratio

I open up and kneel beside my bed,
To give my scattered self again to Christ;
My tears are clear; His sweat was thick and red,
The Holy Face of Christ never fails to shine,
His Hands don’t cease to give; even their Life.

Stanzas on Christ #2 - The Searcher

I went to a tower upon a hill,
To seek and find my God;
He wasn’t there — to my despair,
For I was looking wrong.

I looked in a chest of silver and gold,
And built towns up on sand;
Yet winds blew forth, and rivers rose,
Despite all in my hands.

I searched the trees, the homes, the plains,
To find what I should love;
Though all along Who I should hug,
Was hanging on a Cross.
 
You have some powerful imagery here. I enjoyed reading them.
But number 1 I don’t understand. It’s not clear to me who the mother-in-law is, who “they” are in stanza 2, why the mother is small. Clearly the mother is Mary, but that’s all I can figure out.
My favorite is number 3, although the last line has awkward meter. I would have said “His hands never cease to give his holy Life.” or something to that effect.

The last one is lovely in its simplicity. I like it all except the word “hug,” which seems out of place. Maybe use “serve” or “adore,” though one syllable is best.

You might consider finding a Facebook group for poetry writers; I’m sure there must be some. I belong to Catholic Literary Geeks.
 
Thank you. I felt the same way but had posted them at allpoetry without criticism. It is funny how hard it is to get criticism on a poetry website when you ask for it!
 
Poetry is not easy to critique. I write some poetry but don’t feel too qualified to judge others. All I can say is “I know what I like,” which is not that helpful. If you find a poetry group, please post it.
Could you please explain what’s going on in the first poem? Inquiring minds want to know.
 
At first, that poem seemed like it was decent to me but then I realized it was awkward and hard to understand. It is just that since the Church is the Bride of Christ, and Mary is His mother, that would make her the Church’s mother in law
 
Lol, I never would have thought of that.
I don’t think it’s an idea anyone has mentioned before.

But we are the church, and Mary is our mother, given us by Christ. So it doesn’t really work too well.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top