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Violet75
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Lara
Guest
I think many thoughts. Firstly, I recommend counselling. But on the surface of it, I doubt you will change him much even if he is diagnosed with Asperger’s. Your goal can only be to love him as he is.
I also doubt you can change a man’s habits much, nor a woman’s for that matter.
Society is telling you that the normal thing is for a woman to be able to point out her husband’s flaws and through verbal communication, arrive at a solution which involves him changing. It may be normal for some, but it’s not your normal. You are going to have to define a different normal. Also, you will need to rediscover all the good in him.
I’m sorry you have no support network. I hope you find a friendly woman who can understand you and support you in your marriage.
Think how difficult a divorce would be on the kids. They already have some troubles around emotions. If your husband moved on, as the secular world calls it, things could be a lot worse for all of you. Remember, they will still want and deserve to spend a lot of time with their father, who would presumably remarry etc…
The area you need to address first is the nasty comments he lodges at you.
Patience. This could also have to do with your ages and how young you both are. Some things mellow out with age. Have hope.
I also doubt you can change a man’s habits much, nor a woman’s for that matter.
Society is telling you that the normal thing is for a woman to be able to point out her husband’s flaws and through verbal communication, arrive at a solution which involves him changing. It may be normal for some, but it’s not your normal. You are going to have to define a different normal. Also, you will need to rediscover all the good in him.
I’m sorry you have no support network. I hope you find a friendly woman who can understand you and support you in your marriage.
Think how difficult a divorce would be on the kids. They already have some troubles around emotions. If your husband moved on, as the secular world calls it, things could be a lot worse for all of you. Remember, they will still want and deserve to spend a lot of time with their father, who would presumably remarry etc…
The area you need to address first is the nasty comments he lodges at you.
Patience. This could also have to do with your ages and how young you both are. Some things mellow out with age. Have hope.
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upant
Guest
Tis_Bearself
Patron
Hi Violet, welcome to CAF.
As with the other person who posted last night discussing the problems in his marriage, I would suggest that you and your husband please speak to a priest and also a counselor. If your husband refuses to go with you, then please go by yourself so you can discuss this situation one-on-one with someone who is in the best position to advise you. This would also allow you to have someone to discuss with and who would provide some support to you, because you have no support network such as parents or siblings to talk to.
It seems that your husband has a particular personality and communication style that is unlikely to change if he was like this before you were married and you have now been together for 7 years. You chose to marry him despite this tendency of his, and now you have children to consider as Lara said.
We are not really in a position to tell you whether you should be ending your marriage or not - for one thing, we’re only getting one side of the story here (yours). The most we can really do for people who come here telling stories of marital discord is to advise them to talk to their priests, seek counseling, seek medical help if a physical or mental illness might be involved (I realize you said you already tried to get your husband to see a doctor and he refuses), and, if it’s a case of physical abuse (which doesn’t seem to be the case here), advise the abused spouse to take steps such as going to a shelter or calling a hotline for their own safety. We can also pray for you that you will be able to find the best way to deal with the situation in view of Church teaching.
God bless.
As with the other person who posted last night discussing the problems in his marriage, I would suggest that you and your husband please speak to a priest and also a counselor. If your husband refuses to go with you, then please go by yourself so you can discuss this situation one-on-one with someone who is in the best position to advise you. This would also allow you to have someone to discuss with and who would provide some support to you, because you have no support network such as parents or siblings to talk to.
It seems that your husband has a particular personality and communication style that is unlikely to change if he was like this before you were married and you have now been together for 7 years. You chose to marry him despite this tendency of his, and now you have children to consider as Lara said.
We are not really in a position to tell you whether you should be ending your marriage or not - for one thing, we’re only getting one side of the story here (yours). The most we can really do for people who come here telling stories of marital discord is to advise them to talk to their priests, seek counseling, seek medical help if a physical or mental illness might be involved (I realize you said you already tried to get your husband to see a doctor and he refuses), and, if it’s a case of physical abuse (which doesn’t seem to be the case here), advise the abused spouse to take steps such as going to a shelter or calling a hotline for their own safety. We can also pray for you that you will be able to find the best way to deal with the situation in view of Church teaching.
God bless.
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