Postpartum depression question

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A year and a half ago, my wife had a baby. For the entire year after the birth, she had postpartum depression. Adding to this stress, she also had her grandfather pass away, we moved to a new city, and we lost a pregnancy. This all created the “perfect storm” that led to her depression. She seemed sad, unmotivated, extremely emotional and verbally abusive to those closest around her. Throughout the entire year, she wouldn’t admit she had a depression problem and would not seek help. Instead, she blamed me for all of her unhappiness. I can honestly say it almost destroyed our marriage. Several times I posted on this board for advice.

Recently, she started to tell me that she wants to have another baby. She says that she doesn’t want to end on a loss (the pregnancy that we lost. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy). My biggest fear is that she will go through the postpartum depression again and damage our family. We have a 3 year old daughter and a year and a half boy and I don’t want them exposed to the fighting and yelling and turmoil that we had after the last baby.

I guess I am writing to get any advice from people who may have thoughts on this. After the first child, she didn’t have this problem. But she was really bad after the second child. Will it happen again or could that have just been tied to that pregnancy? I don’t know how this works or what caused the depression after the birth, but is there anything I can do to prevent this?

Any thoughts, ideas and advice is appreciated.
 
There are medicines that she can take if she is diagnosed with PPD again.
But the key is she has to be willing to take them and realize that she actaully has a problem.
Has she ever said or admitted that she did have a depression problem or did she just shrug it off?
 
To my thinking, this is a question about whether to have another child when a serious health issue in the mother indicates that it could be dangerous to her.

Depression is nothing to mess with. Once you’ve had depression, a repeat occurrence is statistically more likely. Depression doesn’t just ruin marriages. It robs people of their lives and happiness, sometimes literally. It robs children of their parents and parents of their children. It is an awful, debillitating disease, and it can be a deadly one.

If she chooses to try to have another child, she must be absolutely committed to keeping that potentially deadly disease under control. You might go with her OB/GYN or to the doctor treating her for her depression and have this discussion, in order to impress her with this: it is better to end on a “loss” than to lose her. Her children need her. You need her. Her doctor will impress upon her that her illness is real, not a personal weakness, and that denial about it will cure nothing.
 
I didn’t suffer PPD until my third baby and it lasted a very long time. You have every right to be nervous about the next time around. Somewhere along the line she needs to get help whether it be counselling or anti-depression meds. I don’t know how you go about having her accept the help but I pray that she would come around to it. A year of PPD is like a living hell, I know I never want to go back to that and neither does my DH. My prayers are with you and your wife.
 
I didn’t realize what a depression I had after my second child until I came out of it. I never had a depression after a child again and I had five more.

My last child was a still birth so I understand why your wife does not want to end that way. I didn’t either.
 
I had PPD after my 4th child (3rd pregnancy). The most common time for PPD is after a 3rd pregnancy. There is a chance PPD will happen with subsequent pregnancies. That being said, I wouldn’t hesitate to have another one, but that is me. I know so much more now than I did before I went through it. I would definitely talk to my doctor about my past before getting pregnant or definitely before the birth. If doctors are aware of the problem, they are much more likely to take her seriously if she has any problems after the birth. I also understand the drive to not have the last one end like it did. Actually my doctor suggested I have another one and hopefully a twin pregnancy since I had lost a twin. When I did get pregnant with my youngest, my doctor was totally thrilled and did her best to make sure I had a good pregnancy, which I did. It was after my youngest was born that I had problems. I told my dr.'s about it but none of them took me seriously until I found a doctor that would listen. My youngest was 7 months old at that time and I finally got help, but I know if I had another, which I am trying for now, I would just make sure the doctors knew my history and knew what to do. Don’t let it scare you too much, it might be the best thing for your wife, to finally feel like she succeeded, which can itself alleviate any residual depressive episodes.

Prayer is by far the best thing when discerning God’s will in your marriage. Trust in him!!!
 
BlestOne said:
It was after my youngest was born that I had problems. I told my dr.'s about it but none of them took me seriously until I found a doctor that would listen. My youngest was 7 months old at that time and I finally got help, but I know if I had another, which I am trying for now, I would just make sure the doctors knew my history and knew what to do.
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This is an important point. The doctor has to be on the alert to look for the problem and take any symptoms seriously.

Depression is a treatable condition, though, and PPD does not always recur. If your wife is committed to being open with you about how she is feeling, if you are committed to supporting her through both good and bad (rather than focusing on the possiblity of the PPD), and her doctor is keeping a close eye on her, there is no reason you two shouldn’t be able to have more children.

To be on the lookout for recurrence isn’t pessimism, after all. It is only sensible…because this time, you two and her doctors will be much better equipped to take action, if it is needed.

After all, if your dear wife is really committed to taking care of herself to prevent depression, this could be the happiest and most relaxed pregnancy she ever imagined!
 
Does she now recognize/admit that she had depression? I think you’re right to worry and you can tell her that before you try for another baby, you want to know how she’ll deal with the possibility of another occurrance.
 
PPD is treatable. PM me if you want resources. A good friend of mine went through it twice and is very helpful to others who have gone through this.

With your wife, though, it seems like there was a lot more going on: losing a baby and a significant death in the family are high on the scale of reasons to be depressedl, quite apart from the hormonal issues that launch garden-variety PPD.

Perhaps your fear is overblown, and another pregnancy would not produce such severe symptoms. Nevertheless, getting ahead of the game is a good idea.
 
Depression, like many other illnesses, is very treatable these days. It is casued by an inbalance of chemicals in the brain… and, unfortunately, many think they can simply “decide” to get better and it will happen.

It sounds from your post like your wife doesn’t admit to this illness yet. Has she mentioned it to you, or are you just recognizing the signs (which sound pretty clear!)??
I think this would have to be seriously discussed. I think your experience with her symptoms after the first pregnancy warrant requesting she see a doctor before you try to get pregnant.

Depression, both during pregnancy and after while breastfeeding (if that’s her choice), can be safely treated with medications.

God bless…
 
I went through PPD after my first child, it lasted about a year 1/2. I was in denial that I was depressed because I was still active & caring for myself & my child. I didnt recognize it until the fog lifted.

I am now expecting baby # 2 & have had some depression during the first trimester. Im entering my second trimester soon & am beginning to feel normal again (whatever that is). I know so much more about PPD & what to expect this time around that hopefully it wont sneak up on me & catch me off guard. I know that its mainly hormonal & being educated about it helps. It isnt something you can just snap out of though, medication, counseling & a supportive husband are all very helpful!

Another thing that I feel contributed to my PPD was I took the advice of my physician & went on birth control pills after my daughter was born out of fear that I would get pregnant again. The birth control pill added to my PPD. I took them for a year & 1/2 before I realized that it might be adding to the depression. I did a lot of research about this & realized that the use of birth control pills can contribute to depression & anxiety or make an existing condition worse!
 
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