Potential Convert and Impediments to Catholicism

[Matariel]

I need some help. I have a cousin who wants to convert to the Church from nominal Presbyterian Protestantism. We’ve had lots of discussions on Catholic beliefs— he often asks me about it because of the crucifix and other Catholic paraphernalia in my house. So, after explaining all the teachings of the Church and contrasting them with the Protestant sects’ beliefs, he said he wanted to convert. I was, naturally, really happy to hear this.
However, he had been living a sinful lifestyle, especially when it came to sexual morality. He promised to do his best to curb this, although he made no guarantees. He is scheduled to begin RCIA at my parish upon moving here, this coming January in 2010. Recently I’ve spoken with him and he’s gone back to his old ways. He says he wants to have “fun” before having to settle down. So here’s the dilemma— he wants to be Catholic, which is a good thing, but if he still has this attitude about “fun” and settling down then it would invalidate his First Confession and his First Communion, right? So I don’t know what to say to him or the Church about it…

 

[Kamalayka]

You can tell him that for every sin he has fun with, Christ took a beating for.

If you have fun committing a sin, it would be the same to say that you have “fun” being the guy who hammered the nail into Christ’s hand, or one of the guys who ripped the flesh of of His back from the scourging.

Maybe remind him that nobody deserves salvation.

Christ shouldn’t have to “wait” for him to repent when he feels like it.

Tell him that God isn’t mocked.

Something along those lines in my opinion.

Once, when St. Francis faced a temptation, he literally threw himself into a thorn bush.

 

[Catholic1954]

Have him enroll in RCIA when he move there. He will either get serious about Catholicism and clean up his act, or drop out and hopefully grow up to give it another try later.

 

[1ke]

However, he had been living a sinful lifestyle, especially when it came to sexual morality. He promised to do his best to curb this, although he made no guarantees. He is scheduled to begin RCIA at my parish upon moving here, this coming January in 2010. Recently I’ve spoken with him and he’s gone back to his old ways. He says he wants to have “fun” before having to settle down.

This is immature, and you should continue to help him grow and form his conscience. Becoming part of a faith community will also help him grow. But, this is not a reason to discourage him from becoming Catholic. In fact, just the opposite-- continue to call him to conversion, true conversion.

So here’s the dilemma— he wants to be Catholic, which is a good thing, but if he still has this attitude about “fun” and settling down then it would invalidate his First Confession and his First Communion, right?

If he doesn’t have contrition, he would not make a good confession. But, he may not truly understand the gravity of the sin or why it’s wrong-- just because you told him it was wrong doesn’t mean he really understands that it is. Mortal sin requires grave matter, full knowledge, and free will. His culpability may be diminished, or it may not, but that is for your friend and the priest to discuss.

Also, it would NOT invalidate his conversion, or “first” Holy Communion or Confirmation. If he is not in a state of grace when he receives communion or confirmation he will not receive the graces (and may be committing another sin by receiving the Eucharist while not in the state of grace) but it does NOT invalidate the sacraments.

So I don’t know what to say to him or the Church about it…

Continue to talk to him about what he is doing and WHY it is wrong, not simply telling him it’s wrong… really explain it. If you can’t articulate the “why” get him some good books such as some of Christopher West’s books on sexual morality.

You do not say anything to “the Church” about it, because it’s not your place.

If you are his sponsor and feel you cannot in good conscience recommend him for Confirmation, then you would need to discuss that with him and the RCIA director and step down.

 

[Matariel]

Thanks for all your replies, folks.

Also, it would NOT invalidate his conversion, or “first” Holy Communion or Confirmation. If he is not in a state of grace when he receives communion or confirmation he will not receive the graces (and may be committing another sin by receiving the Eucharist while not in the state of grace) but it does NOT invalidate the sacraments.

Sorry, I articulated this wrong. What I’m saying is, if I know he wants to join the Church while still maintaining his sinful lifestyle until he settles down, then can I, in good conscious, let him go through RCIA and go to Eucharist even though I know it may be sacrilegious?

 

[Bluegoat]

He may become more mature over time. Not that you should ignore his actions, but sometimes it takes a while for a new way of thinking and living to become natural. His sentiment doesn’t sound all that different from some things St Augustine said, and he turned out ok.

 

[1ke]

Sorry, I articulated this wrong. What I’m saying is, if I know he wants to join the Church while still maintaining his sinful lifestyle until he settles down, then can I, in good conscious, let him go through RCIA and go to Eucharist even though I know it may be sacrilegious?

Can you “let” him go through RCIA? ** It’s not your decision.** It’s his. RCIA is a process, he will benefit from both the knowledge he will gain and the example of living the faith he will see.

Can you "let’ him receive Communion? Again, it’s not your decision. It’s his along with the priest who prepares him in First Reconciliation and the RCIA director who interviews him for readiness.

If you are asked to be his sponsor and have reservations about presenting him for Confirmation-- then yes, you should decline.

But whether or not he enters RCIA and ultimately converts is NOT your decision. What he repents of in Confession is NOT your business.

 

[ccolley2]

I need some help. I have a cousin who wants to convert to the Church from nominal Presbyterian Protestantism. We’ve had lots of discussions on Catholic beliefs— he often asks me about it because of the crucifix and other Catholic paraphernalia in my house. So, after explaining all the teachings of the Church and contrasting them with the Protestant sects’ beliefs, he said he wanted to convert. I was, naturally, really happy to hear this.
However, he had been living a sinful lifestyle, especially when it came to sexual morality. He promised to do his best to curb this, although he made no guarantees. He is scheduled to begin RCIA at my parish upon moving here, this coming January in 2010. Recently I’ve spoken with him and he’s gone back to his old ways. He says he wants to have “fun” before having to settle down. So here’s the dilemma— he wants to be Catholic, which is a good thing, but if he still has this attitude about “fun” and settling down then it would invalidate his First Confession and his First Communion, right? So I don’t know what to say to him or the Church about it…

Sometimes our friends and family listen to strangers better than to us. There are several websites that have downloads and talks on Catholic topics. www.biblechristiansociety.com run by John Martignoni (a Catholic Apostolate).
also, the coming home network…www.chnetwork.org, a Catholic Apostolate to Protestants with questions about coming to the Catholic church.
Finally, pray, pray, pray for your friend’s conversion…Remember that St. Monica prayed for St.Augustine for many years before he gave up his worldly ways.
CC

 

[Matariel]

Thanks for all y’all’s answers. They’ve been invaluable. So I guess I should continue to try to steer him in the right way. However, another problem is that he keeps telling me about his sexual escapades, which he knows I don’t agree with. I mean, he is a really close friend, he just thinks I should “lighten up” and “live like I’m young”. Yeah, I know, immature, but…

 

[Bluegoat]

Thanks for all y’all’s answers. They’ve been invaluable. So I guess I should continue to try to steer him in the right way. However, another problem is that he keeps telling me about his sexual escapades, which he knows I don’t agree with. I mean, he is a really close friend, he just thinks I should “lighten up” and “live like I’m young”. Yeah, I know, immature, but…

I would make it clear that this is TMI.

 

[Matariel]

I would make it clear that this is TMI.

I’ve said that several times.

 

[NHInsider]

Thanks for all y’all’s answers. They’ve been invaluable. So I guess I should continue to try to steer him in the right way. However, another problem is that he keeps telling me about his sexual escapades, which he knows I don’t agree with. I mean, he is a really close friend, he just thinks I should “lighten up” and “live like I’m young”. Yeah, I know, immature, but…

Sounds like he may be trying to assuage a guilty conscience by getting you to agree that it’s “not so bad” or “perfectly natural” or whatever. So yes, this is a challenge to your faith (although he may not be thinking of it that way). And it may also be presenting you with the answer to your original question

I don’t know what to say to him or the Church about it…

Start with “I’m sorry, I really can’t be part of this conversation - it’s just not okay for me to pretend sexual immorality is no big deal.” Then change the subject. Or walk away. Even though he will no doubt rag on you about it, your consistent witness may be the most important instruction you can give him.