A
ajk19
Guest
I’m 19 years old, and have struggled with an addiction to porn and sex since around 9 or 10. This is my story:
I want to say it started back in 1997. I liked to watch professional wrestling at that time, and part of the “entertainment” aspect of it was the girls that would appear on the show at times, sometimes rather scantily clad shall we say. As a result of seeing that, I began to masturbate to pictures I would see in magazines of these women (as ads for videos of women fighting erotically, in various forms), often times looking through magazines just to do that very thing. As time went on it from just wrestling women, to SI swimsuit issues as well as tabloids. Anything I could get my hands on so long as I could find women I could masturbate to, or at the very least sexy stories. It later extended to masturbating to thoughts alone at night while lying in bed. Most times the women fighting ads or catfight ads I saw in the magazines, were the fuel for this particular fire. Many times over, I’d ejaculate all over my pajamas as well as the sheets in doing this. Amazingly though, by the grace of God for sure, this isn’t an issue anymore for me, and hasn’t been for several years now.
At the time I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing, though obviously now I knew better. I was very reclusive while doing this as you can imagine, always taking the magazines into my room and closing the door behind me, being careful to not have anyone catch me in the act. In effect I was cutting myself off from the rest of the world. I was in a world no one else knew about but me.
Eventually I began to realize what I was doing, and tried to quit but never really could. I’d make vows that with X birthday I would turn over a new leaf, but could never make good on that.
Then along came the internet, my dad got it first, a little thing called Web TV. Web TV was something very inferior by today’s standards, but it gave internet access and with that, access to pornography. One night I was alone at my dad’s house and I started looking around at some wrestling diva sites, and masturbating to them, not thinking much of it at the time. It was just another way to appease my lust. Then later on that night, I was lying in bed and something got me thinking: “Gee I wonder what it would be like to see these girls without their clothes on”. The devil had planted a seed right then, that would change my life forever.
In the spring of 2001, my dad (who I did not live with BTW) gave me a Web TV of my own, it was my first internet access I had for myself. I put it in my room, and soon after began seeking the seed that the devil had planted in me, searching high and low for porn in it’s various forms. I was particularly thrilled by the prospect of two women fighting, or what is called a catfight, I would often masturbate to video descriptions of that very thing. Again I saw nothing wrong with this at the time, seemed harmless to me.
Then that fall things began to change. My dad asked me if I wanted to join the Catholic Church. I was baptised Lutheran, though I really didn’t go to church much, unless my dad took me to a Catholic Mass. Without even giving it a second thought, I agreed and began taking catachesim classes. It was the best thing I could have done. Through those classes, my eyes were opened to the sins I was committing. But even seeing that, I could not stop and the addiction to porn grew ever bigger, particularly once I got an actual computer in September 2003.
(to be continued)
I want to say it started back in 1997. I liked to watch professional wrestling at that time, and part of the “entertainment” aspect of it was the girls that would appear on the show at times, sometimes rather scantily clad shall we say. As a result of seeing that, I began to masturbate to pictures I would see in magazines of these women (as ads for videos of women fighting erotically, in various forms), often times looking through magazines just to do that very thing. As time went on it from just wrestling women, to SI swimsuit issues as well as tabloids. Anything I could get my hands on so long as I could find women I could masturbate to, or at the very least sexy stories. It later extended to masturbating to thoughts alone at night while lying in bed. Most times the women fighting ads or catfight ads I saw in the magazines, were the fuel for this particular fire. Many times over, I’d ejaculate all over my pajamas as well as the sheets in doing this. Amazingly though, by the grace of God for sure, this isn’t an issue anymore for me, and hasn’t been for several years now.
At the time I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing, though obviously now I knew better. I was very reclusive while doing this as you can imagine, always taking the magazines into my room and closing the door behind me, being careful to not have anyone catch me in the act. In effect I was cutting myself off from the rest of the world. I was in a world no one else knew about but me.
Eventually I began to realize what I was doing, and tried to quit but never really could. I’d make vows that with X birthday I would turn over a new leaf, but could never make good on that.
Then along came the internet, my dad got it first, a little thing called Web TV. Web TV was something very inferior by today’s standards, but it gave internet access and with that, access to pornography. One night I was alone at my dad’s house and I started looking around at some wrestling diva sites, and masturbating to them, not thinking much of it at the time. It was just another way to appease my lust. Then later on that night, I was lying in bed and something got me thinking: “Gee I wonder what it would be like to see these girls without their clothes on”. The devil had planted a seed right then, that would change my life forever.
In the spring of 2001, my dad (who I did not live with BTW) gave me a Web TV of my own, it was my first internet access I had for myself. I put it in my room, and soon after began seeking the seed that the devil had planted in me, searching high and low for porn in it’s various forms. I was particularly thrilled by the prospect of two women fighting, or what is called a catfight, I would often masturbate to video descriptions of that very thing. Again I saw nothing wrong with this at the time, seemed harmless to me.
Then that fall things began to change. My dad asked me if I wanted to join the Catholic Church. I was baptised Lutheran, though I really didn’t go to church much, unless my dad took me to a Catholic Mass. Without even giving it a second thought, I agreed and began taking catachesim classes. It was the best thing I could have done. Through those classes, my eyes were opened to the sins I was committing. But even seeing that, I could not stop and the addiction to porn grew ever bigger, particularly once I got an actual computer in September 2003.
(to be continued)
God Bless you.