Prayerful consideration involving Facebook

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Povero

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I am essentially “anonymous” on Facebook since I do not use my real name but rather a spiritual name. I joined because I am very much alone in the world after losing my only child. Throughout her lifetime, I focused on her and set myself aside, and she required it (Asperger’s, undiagnosed; then emerging schizo-affective and finally serious Bipolar). So I had only two people to “depend” upon: her father (who lived 150 miles away and sometimes it seemed like I was talking to a stranger), and my “best friend” of over 40 years who, because I was definitely having a breakdown toward the end, cut me off and then refused to be at my side after my daughter’s death. (She has since messaged me and said if she “had it do over again” she would not have acted that way, but if she “had it to do over again” I would most likely not have survived!)

Facebook has become a problem. I say it as I see it. There are far too many posts that victimize the mentally ill, promote guns as “non-dangerous” (people kill people, guns don’t kill people) etc. So I have withdrawn (even though there are many who depend upon me there) because I just can’t handle the stupidity of this place where people brag and post pictures of their oh-so-happy-and-perfect families and endless stupidity. My problem is: I am isolated, I have no one, and I thought FB might provide me with a happy alternative to lift my spirit every day. Instead, it is becoming a huge thorn. I think I need to leave. But I am afraid of the total isolation. I have no true “friends”. I have no family. I have made a few true “friends” on FB. Can you prayerfully consider and make suggestions or offer direction for me? Thank you. God bless you for reading.
 
I absolutely agree that Facebook is far more a source of anguish when we suffer from isolation and loneliness than it is a comfort. It’s not the real self that appears there, but certain aspects we choose to show – and, as you say, it’s especially terribly on anyone who might have emotional or mental suffering, as all forms of social media in the internet age are. Ironically, telephone communication, which frequently used to allow for extensive conversations, has become much less a means for interaction than text exchanges.

I highly recommend seeing if you can participate in any form of lay community, whether traditional or recent; from my own experience I recommend lay Carmelites or Focolare; some Franciscan or Dominican communities can be wonderful as well, but others can be off the beam.

Blessed Mother Teresa said many years ago that Americans were the loneliest people she’d ever encountered, long before anti-social media made it more acute.

Our Lord has joy and blessing waiting as he does for everyone who seeks Him; but he Himself is most with us, even if we don’t feel it…
 
Praying for you. I agree wholeheartedly with CarmelJerome. A third order makes a great community. Also you might volunteer for Church activities or visit people in nursing homes or Veterans’ hospitals. You could bring Communion to the home bound.

God bless you.
 
I would never use Facebook to find friends, only to stay in touch with people I know in the real world. If I might suggest something, I think you might look for a bereavement support group at a local catholic church. I will pray for you.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion — inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself.
 
Hi there, well first of all keep on this Forum, and then you could ring your Parish to see what activities you can do or are able for, a third Order, Legion of Mary, is there any Bible studies/Catechism classes in your parish that you could go to.

What about doing a Holy Hour 2/3 times a week. Offer your services to the Parish to help out in whatever they need doing. Set yourself a schedule for saying the Rosary/going to your Local Library to see what you can bring home to read on some Catholic Literature.
Life story of some of the Saints etc.

Do you watch EWTN, great programmes on.

Are there any neighbours who are bed bound and need a visit from you.

God Bless Walk with the Lord.
 
So sorry to hear about your sufferings. I am not on Facebook as I’ve heard too many bad stories such as yours. I agree with other posters who recommend a third order. I’m a Lay C armelite and I just love it. I suggest praying for friends. Remember that the Saints are your friends and will gladly pray for you. 🙂
 
Povero,

I am sorry for your loss.

I think that you have found your way to a great online community here! I have made a few really good friends on here. I keep in touch with some of them every day! After you are here a while, you will get to know people that you agree with or think alike with and you may even message or be messaged by them. It is not like FB, it is so much better. 🙂

I hope that you are able to find some friends here as well as where you live. May God bless you and guide you.
 
Hi, I’m sorry about your daughter and what you’re going through and I know how it feels to be isolated when you need good companionship the most in trying times.

I’m actually not Catholic, just learning the religion so far but wanted to say something about Facebook that has helped me in recent times.

Facebook users have caused self image and self worth problems for me in the past because I didn’t manage my account, friends list and news feed well enough to suit what I can handle. Sometimes I feel like a square peg in a round hole.
But over time I’ve learned that Facebook is a necessary tool for socializing but I’ve started to manage my account better. I remove those ‘friends’ that I don’t really know IRL (I mean the ‘friends’ who post horrible and contentious stuff to their walls, but not everyone does that). They are stirrers and their pages show me how they tick, what they represent, what agenda they’re pushing and sometimes even what they think of people like me. I pick up a lot of unsavory friends playing games too, they flood my newsfeed with images of women that sexually objectify women (scantily clad models with little sayings on the photo).

I did back away for a while but found I needed the social outlet so I now rarely post anything to my wall and I exercise self control. If I want to chat, I use the message system and if I see a comment that appears to be written by a nice person, I send them a friend request.

Doing that has helped me a lot and it also sends a message to people with attitude problems, and perhaps they’ll stop and think about the nonsense they’re posting.

Oops, I nearly forgot to say the good stuff! There are a lot of really nice people on Facebook too but it can be a bit hit and miss just like IRL. I have a friend in the Netherlands who loves animals and puts up lots of nice pictures. I also have a friend in Brazil who enjoys astronomy and the ‘what is out there’ theories. It’s good to have someone to talk to about theories and the literature already out there.
 
CarmelJerome said:
I absolutely agree that Facebook is far more a source of anguish when we suffer from isolation and loneliness than it is a comfort. It’s not the real self that appears there, but certain aspects we choose to show – and, as you say, it’s especially terribly on anyone who might have emotional or mental suffering, as all forms of social media in the internet age are. Ironically, telephone communication, which frequently used to allow for extensive conversations, has become much less a means for interaction than text exchanges.

I highly recommend seeing if you can participate in any form of lay community, whether traditional or recent; from my own experience I recommend lay Carmelites or Focolare; some Franciscan or Dominican communities can be wonderful as well, but others can be off the beam.

Blessed Mother Teresa said many years ago that Americans were the loneliest people she’d ever encountered, long before anti-social media made it more acute.

Our Lord has joy and blessing waiting as he does for everyone who seeks Him; but he Himself is most with us, even if we don’t feel it…
Click to expand...
Well stated & I agree.
 
CarmelJerome said:
Blessed Mother Teresa said many years ago that Americans were the loneliest people she’d ever encountered, long before anti-social media made it more acute.
.
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Wow, I hadn’t heard that quote, but it really makes sense.

I think your advice is very sage. OP, I will include you in my prayer intentions. Why not fill some of your time here as well?
 
Thank you ALL, very wise advice and spiritual direction, as I knew would come from this forum.
 
Facebook can be helpful for some things, but it also has the tendency to show a somewhat distorted view of reality. Most people tend to put their best face on when it comes to what they choose to put on display. They are not going to write about how they are having problems with their marriage or their kids. I take everything posted there with a large grain of salt. You never know what a person is really going through based on what they put on Facebook.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Facebook can be helpful for some things, but it also has the tendency to show a somewhat distorted view of reality. Most people tend to put their best face on when it comes to what they choose to put on display. They are not going to write about how they are having problems with their marriage or their kids. I take everything posted there with a large grain of salt. You never know what a person is really going through based on what they put on Facebook.
Click to expand...
I’ve noticed this…so much for putting your “best face forward” when we know that “face” usually stands between a person’s real heart and a tough world. Thanks.
 
There’s a quote about facebook being you comparing your behind-the-scenes with other peoples’ highlight reel.
 
I might consider you share your experiences with your child, and later struggles with social media on a blog?

I have also considered writing about experiences of my own life to share with others. I’m sure it’s ok to post a link on here once you get started. You will attract truth-seekers, sympathetic readers, and those who want to engage with you.

I also find this forum wonderful when I am lonely and I enjoy contributing
 
I definitely agree with what some others have said on this… facebook is an interesting thing, because each person’s experience on it will be different - it’s all based on who you are friends with and who you follow.

I think unfriending or unfollowing (so that they are still your fb friend, but won’t show up in your news feed) are useful options for some people that post negative thoughts or items that disturb you.

I have made a point to try to make my news feed be more positive - I follow a few pages that occasionally post inspirational messages or travel photos of places that I enjoy seeing. I also “like” movies and musicians that I am fans of, so I sometimes see stories related to or posted by things and groups I like. Some people also get Bible verses posted in their news feed or even some lighthearted jokes.

I would try to take some time to refocus your news feed, remove some of the sources of negativity, and add in some that will make you smile or feel inspired.
 
I think you are worrying over the wrong stuff, you need to seek out professional help, you seem to be having problems that need solving, actually it is one of those persons who i think should be the one telling you what to do with the FB.
 
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