L
lovedance4ever
Guest
I suppose the best place to start is the beginning. When I was seven years old, I joined our church’s youth choir where I instantly became good friends with the choir director’s children. I was especially drawn to her oldest daughter and son who were almost four years older than I was. We got along very well, and even at that young age, I found myself entranced by her son.
Several years passed and the youth choir eventually stopped meeting, leaving only the adult group which was directed by the same woman. I still remained on very friendly terms with the family, but we did not see each other as much anymore. However, when I became a freshman in high school, the choir director asked me if I would like to join the adult group, as I was finally old enough. Her son was now a senior in high school and also a part of the group and I quickly realized that my feelings for him had not changed.
After a while, I began to believe that he also had feelings for me. He sang love songs to me when we were alone together, and would randomly walk up to me and make a silly excuse to hug me. I remember one particular time when we were alone together and he sang “Blue Christmas” to me, as I stood speechless and starry-eyed. Without going on too much more, I will say that for at least a year, similar innocent flirtations carried on.
Then he started college, and I was as crazy about him as ever, and while I was almost positive that he felt the same about me, he did nothing, never asked me out or tried to pursue a relationship of any kind. I assumed that the problem was age difference, since I was 15 and he was 19.
When I turned 16, there was a fancy ball that I had been invited to (I was into Civil War reenacting at the time) and with some encouragement from others (mostly my mom lol), I sent him a message and asked him if he would like to join me. I know I should probably have asked him in person, but it had gotten to the point where it was difficult to get him alone after mass was over and we were leaving the church. So I took the chance and messaged him.
No response for two weeks, and when he did finally respond, he seemed chilly and so unlike the guy who had flirted with me for those few years. But as angry as I was, I was still just as crazy about him.
Things settled down for a while, but he still continued to do charming and adorable things to catch my attention. I felt as though I was being strung along, but my feelings for him only became stronger. I did my best to distance myself from him, in hopes that I would stop feeling for him. Nothing worked.
So here I am nearly four years later. I will be 20 this year, and he just turned 23. And things have begun to change for what seems like the better. He has started paying more attention to me than ever before. About a month ago, I posted something on facebook (I cannot quite remember how I worded it) about how someone had insulted my physical appearance. Well, he commented and said that whoever said that “needed glasses” because I was “amazing.” That might seem like something silly to get excited over, but that happened entirely out of the blue! You must also realize that he never used to comment on my facebook statuses, and if he did, it certainly would not be on a status like that!
I also attended our church choir’s “end of the season” party where we paid a lot of attention to me. He even asked me to go play video games with him and his friend.
He also knows that I am a Lord of the Rings fanatic, and when The Hobbit came out, he asked me if I would like to go see it with him and his friend (who is a guy). What was especially strange though was that when they came to pick me up, he ran up my front porch steps to get me, and then went entirely out of his way to open the car door for me.
He has never dated, and as flirtatious as he can be, I know he also has a shy side. He also just graduated with a bachelor’s degree and is currently in the process of obtaining a master’s degree.
I am sorry for the length of all of that, but I felt it was necessary, as it better explains why I feel the way I do.
My problem is that I believe him to be the most charming, witty, loving Catholic man on this earth. I do not say that as a giddy school girl, but as a young woman who could never picture herself with any other man. While he has given me reason to believe that he is fond of me, he has never taken that extra step to confirm my suspicions. And that is a problem for me. I want to stop loving this guy so I can move on; I pray constantly about this, asking the Lord to take away these feelings if it is not His will that we spend our lives together. But everything remains the same.
I honestly feel that if I cannot be with him, I do not desire to be with anyone. I am not saying that out of bitterness or spitefulness, but as a matter of fact. I simply cannot see myself with any other man. And I know that that is an issue and something that needs continual prayer. I want answers, and sometimes I am frustrated with God for not giving me any.
And so I ask for your prayers and advice about this matter. Please pray that these feelings will leave me completely, so I can stop torturing myself. I have basically resigned myself to the fact that we are not meant for each other, but I have not emotionally accepted that quite yet. I am happy with my life otherwise; I get excellent grades in all of my college classes, I adore my family and feel blessed in many other ways. This is the only thing that is truly eating me up inside.
Several years passed and the youth choir eventually stopped meeting, leaving only the adult group which was directed by the same woman. I still remained on very friendly terms with the family, but we did not see each other as much anymore. However, when I became a freshman in high school, the choir director asked me if I would like to join the adult group, as I was finally old enough. Her son was now a senior in high school and also a part of the group and I quickly realized that my feelings for him had not changed.
After a while, I began to believe that he also had feelings for me. He sang love songs to me when we were alone together, and would randomly walk up to me and make a silly excuse to hug me. I remember one particular time when we were alone together and he sang “Blue Christmas” to me, as I stood speechless and starry-eyed. Without going on too much more, I will say that for at least a year, similar innocent flirtations carried on.
Then he started college, and I was as crazy about him as ever, and while I was almost positive that he felt the same about me, he did nothing, never asked me out or tried to pursue a relationship of any kind. I assumed that the problem was age difference, since I was 15 and he was 19.
When I turned 16, there was a fancy ball that I had been invited to (I was into Civil War reenacting at the time) and with some encouragement from others (mostly my mom lol), I sent him a message and asked him if he would like to join me. I know I should probably have asked him in person, but it had gotten to the point where it was difficult to get him alone after mass was over and we were leaving the church. So I took the chance and messaged him.
No response for two weeks, and when he did finally respond, he seemed chilly and so unlike the guy who had flirted with me for those few years. But as angry as I was, I was still just as crazy about him.
Things settled down for a while, but he still continued to do charming and adorable things to catch my attention. I felt as though I was being strung along, but my feelings for him only became stronger. I did my best to distance myself from him, in hopes that I would stop feeling for him. Nothing worked.
So here I am nearly four years later. I will be 20 this year, and he just turned 23. And things have begun to change for what seems like the better. He has started paying more attention to me than ever before. About a month ago, I posted something on facebook (I cannot quite remember how I worded it) about how someone had insulted my physical appearance. Well, he commented and said that whoever said that “needed glasses” because I was “amazing.” That might seem like something silly to get excited over, but that happened entirely out of the blue! You must also realize that he never used to comment on my facebook statuses, and if he did, it certainly would not be on a status like that!
I also attended our church choir’s “end of the season” party where we paid a lot of attention to me. He even asked me to go play video games with him and his friend.
He also knows that I am a Lord of the Rings fanatic, and when The Hobbit came out, he asked me if I would like to go see it with him and his friend (who is a guy). What was especially strange though was that when they came to pick me up, he ran up my front porch steps to get me, and then went entirely out of his way to open the car door for me.
He has never dated, and as flirtatious as he can be, I know he also has a shy side. He also just graduated with a bachelor’s degree and is currently in the process of obtaining a master’s degree.
I am sorry for the length of all of that, but I felt it was necessary, as it better explains why I feel the way I do.
My problem is that I believe him to be the most charming, witty, loving Catholic man on this earth. I do not say that as a giddy school girl, but as a young woman who could never picture herself with any other man. While he has given me reason to believe that he is fond of me, he has never taken that extra step to confirm my suspicions. And that is a problem for me. I want to stop loving this guy so I can move on; I pray constantly about this, asking the Lord to take away these feelings if it is not His will that we spend our lives together. But everything remains the same.
I honestly feel that if I cannot be with him, I do not desire to be with anyone. I am not saying that out of bitterness or spitefulness, but as a matter of fact. I simply cannot see myself with any other man. And I know that that is an issue and something that needs continual prayer. I want answers, and sometimes I am frustrated with God for not giving me any.
And so I ask for your prayers and advice about this matter. Please pray that these feelings will leave me completely, so I can stop torturing myself. I have basically resigned myself to the fact that we are not meant for each other, but I have not emotionally accepted that quite yet. I am happy with my life otherwise; I get excellent grades in all of my college classes, I adore my family and feel blessed in many other ways. This is the only thing that is truly eating me up inside.
Thanks again for your response!