Prayers and suggestions Needed

[meb1963]

I was very sad and lonely so I joined the Moose and met a very nice man there. He was very active in the Knights of Columbus and went to Church Every Sunday. He and I hit it off right away and on June 25, 2015 we had our first date. We went to a bar after and I unfortunately got a little too tipsy so He had me come to his home which was probably a huge mistake on my part. One thing led to another and we had sex. The first man I was willing to have sex with not one that had raped me. It felt right We got together every weekend after that and I had fallen deeply in Love with him. I truly believe God brought us together for we both needed someone to Love then about 3 months after we got together I found out that he was hiding something from me He was Married. My heart sank and I burst into tears for this was and is the Love of my life. He told me that she left him for another Man and now lives back in Puerto Rico. I know that I should have ran for the hills but I was so in Love He told me that he was Never going to Divorce her because he did not want to give her 1/2 of everything. They do not have children they got married in their 40’s. They were married about 9 years when she left I Prayed to God and asked him to guide me and I told God that I Loved this Man and that I have committed myself to him as if he were my husband and I would FOREVER Love him and would through good times and bad. That I have done. I have fund myself feeling resentful that he continues to take care of his wife financially with no court order I struggle monthly to get by and he says he loves me yet he puts his money ahead of me. I guess I can not understand how money can come first over the one you love. To me he is my priority and I promised God to always Love and take care of him so I can not fathom making money a higher priority. Is it wrong of me to want him to get an Annulment and lose 1/2 of his savings for me. He lives on 1/6 or less of his income now and I can’t see how losing $3000 or $4000 a month when he sends her around $2000 already could be that bad he would still have over $4000 a month which now he uses less than $1000 a month. I Love him and have fornicated with him for 5 years and 3 months. I do not know how to let him go. I have prayed and I sent an email to him yesterday and this morning saying that as much as it breaks my heart to say I think he needs to try to get his wife back because evidently he still Loves her because he can not Love me enough to get rid of her and make me a honest moral woman. I said I do not want to leave him but I do not want to have sex with him any more while he is still Married. I have been trying to ask God for Forgiveness for my Fornication and to help give me the strength to abstain from sex with him. My boyfriend has not spoken to me since nor has he messaged me back. I think I have hurt him and that was not my intention. Like I said I love him more than anything on this Earth and Never want him to hurt. I do not know what to do or say to him. I want nothing more than to be with him and to spend the rest of my life with him. Please help me. I have no one but him and it is hard going through this pain all alone.

 

[Irishmom2]

Look, he isn’t going to leave his wife, and what you were doing was very wrong, no matter how he spun the story. That is what cheaters do. He may be lying about all of what he says about his wife.

However, you did the right thing by breaking it off. Block his number and do not see him again under any circumstances.

Go to confession and then, move on with your life, lesson learned.

 

[Lou2U]

I’m sorry you’re hurting so much right now. You’ve done the right thing in breaking it off, now you need to stay strong. Try and keep yourself busy.

He told me that he was Never going to Divorce her

This is just everything. He’s not going to change. You will never be a priority for him, because you’ve already shown him you’ll put up with anything. He’s been happy to hurt you because it’s convenient for him. You deserve much better.

I want nothing more than to be with him and to spend the rest of my life with him.

I mean this with all kindness, but he isn’t yours to have. He never has been. You need to let him go, and you need to let these hopes go. You will always be disappointed.

 

[meb1963]

Thank You for the responses I already knew the answer but just don’t want to admit it to myself. Yes you are correct in that I have allowed him to get away with this and he will most likely ever change. And as for him lying about his wife, I know He is not lying for I have seen his Wife’s Facebook and she is still with the Singer he told me she left him for. Also there are his family members that have collaborated his story. But You are right it was wrong of me to stay with him once I found out he was still Married. I DO NOT believe in condessing to a Priest I believe all I have to do is Confess directly to God and ask for his forgiveness for God is the Only One that can forgive me Not the priest. and I also need to Pray the Rosary and ask the Blessed Mother to guide me back into the path that Jesus has made for us. I am now all alone again in This world and do not know how I will survive…I pray God will help me through unless you have been completely alone for years you will NEVER know how I feel. I habe severe trust issues from being sexually abused as a child and nkw will most likely hide again in my home for the rest of my life. Thank You all and God Bless

 

[dollysro]

Hi, prayers coming your way.
I agree with Lou and Irish wholeheartedly.

I guess I can not understand how money can come first over the one you love. To me he is my priority and I promised God to always Love and take care of him so I can not fathom making money a higher priority.

This. You cannot expect of others just because of what you would do.

Is it wrong of me to want him to get an Annulment and lose 1/2 of his savings for me. He lives on 1/6 or less of his income now and I can’t see how losing $3000 or $4000 a month when he sends her around $2000 already could be that bad he would still have over $4000 a month which now he uses less than $1000 a month.

Yes. This is something he should want (after a divorce). How he spends/saves his money is his business.

My boyfriend has not spoken to me since nor has he messaged me back. I think I have hurt him and that was not my intention.

Good. Great way to stay away from him.
Awwwwwww poor baby got his wittle feelings hurt? GOOD.

I have no one but him and it is hard going through this pain all alone.

You’re not alone but you don’t have him. God is with you and so are we.

 

[dollysro]

I DO NOT believe in condessing to a Priest I believe all I have to do is Confess directly to God and ask for his forgiveness for God is the Only One that can forgive me Not the priest.

Well, believe what you want but you are very much in the field of incorrect here. Imo, confession is a blessing.

I am now all alone again in This world and do not know how I will survive

The same way you did before. One day at a time or just make it to lunch.

I habe severe trust issues from being sexually abused as a child and nkw will most likely hide again in my home for the rest of my life.

Or seek counseling (which the priest if you would confess to him would help you find. Just sayin’
Continued prayers. Be the champion God made in His image!

 

[heidi_storage]

Sweetie, you fell for a completely standard list of cliches–the fact that this man made you feel a certain way is not “God” telling you that he is your soul mate; a man who is married and not divorcing is wife is perfectly happy to cheat on his wife with you; he wants gratification, not commitment.

You are not this man’s wife. You are committing adultery with him.

Please block the man, repent of your sinful longings (yes, it’s sinful to wish the man to divorce his wife), and get on with your life. This may be painful for you at first, but it will prevent you wasting more years of your life in a relationship that can only bring misery and hurt your walk with God.

 

[Irishmom2]

I DO NOT believe in condessing to a Priest I believe all I have to do is Confess directly to God and ask for his forgiveness for God is the Only One that can forgive me Not the priest.

I am sorry you believe this because you are wrong. Catholics do not “confess directly to God” in the way you are saying. We confess to a priest who is sitting in as Christ. Unless you go to actual confession, your mortal sins are not forgiven.The priest is not the one forgiving you, Christ is speaking through the priest.

Sometimes when people fear confession they say they don’t believe in it. Please, you have serious sins to confess and should go soon.

 

[dollysro]

Well said as usual.
I like to say if God can forgive me, he can forgive anyone. And if I can tell my sins to a priest, anyone can.

 

[heidi_storage]

The first man I was willing to have sex with not one that had raped me.

I am so terribly sorry you were raped. This is not your fault. It may have contributed to your feeling that you were somehow lucky to have attracted this no-good scuzzbucket; do you think that could possibly be the case? It may be worth exploring, but only you know this.

I do not know what God wants for your life. I know He loves His children, and He does not want them to experience a kind of spurious happiness from sexual sin.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Not much to add to all the other good replies except that I had an uncle who behaved not unlike this man you met. Guys like that are just trying to have their cake and eat it too and they are tight with a buck besides. My uncle eventually went back to his wife. I pray this guy does the same and that you meet a new guy who is free to marry you and has more consideration for you.

 

[meb1963]

I have told him to call his wife and try to get her to come back to him but she has her own boyfriend she lives with in Puerto Rico. Though I Shall always Love him I know I have to move on away from him so I can heal most importantly my soul but my heart as well.

 

[Legend]

You really do need counseling…

You’ve been thru rape, childhood molestation and adultery/fornication with the man you call your ‘boyfriend’. None of these comes close to what God truly wants for you. You made an attempt, to get out of an isolated time, and, I suspect, were treated like the former abused child that you are.

You’ve never been close to what God wants for you…what He considers a marriage! You need to speak to a priest or counselor before you can consider dating anyone. Just let this man know, in no uncertain terms, that you are not available to him. Then, start working with a reliable counselor!

God made you for better things. Start working on yourself so you’ll be ready to receive them!

And God Bless!!!

 

[Irishmom2]

Though I Shall always Love him

Yes, we all think that when we broke up with someone. That feeling doesn’t last forever. The intensity will fade over time, especially if you keep busy and don’t hide in your home. Get out and do things and meet new people. Get some friends that you can have dinner or go to a movie with if you aren’t doing those things already. Get involved with your parish when possible and volunteer somewhere.

 

[meb1963]

Thank You All so Much for all the advice and I have no thoughts of ever dating again. I shall devote my time to gerting my home back in order and taking care of my 23 cats and 2 dogs. They will Love that I will be spending so much more time with them. When any spare time is left over than I will go out to the park and hike or fish or jist pray and meditate

 

[dollysro]

Yeah my husband warned this was baloney but did I listen???
Sorry you don’t have any thing better to do.

 

[Psalm30]

You really do need counseling…

You’ve been thru rape, childhood molestation and adultery/fornication with the man you call your ‘boyfriend’. None of these comes close to what God truly wants for you. You made an attempt, to get out of an isolated time, and, I suspect, were treated like the former abused child that you are.

You’ve never been close to what God wants for you…what He considers a marriage! You need to speak to a priest or counselor before you can consider dating anyone. Just let this man know, in no uncertain terms, that you are not available to him. Then, start working with a reliable counselor!

God made you for better things. Start working on yourself so you’ll be ready to receive them!

And God Bless!!!

All. Of. This.