Praying before Sex?

[TLM08]

As a husband and wife relax for the evening of romance, they might sit in front of the fireplace and share their hearts and minds in a most truly meaning and intimate way. But as the evening progresses and the passionate desires take over, the focus tends to shift toward the physical. For men, highly so. For us guys in particular, the pleasurable aspect of physical intimacy is strongly linked to the look and feel of her physical beauty and form during this intimate exchange we call sexual intercourse. This is not to exclude feelings of deep love and respect for the woman, it’s just that the physical tends to dominate. For women, the pleasure is highly physical as well, but might tend to be a bit more emotional… and thoughtfully intelligent.

In short, during the intimacy of sex, us guys tend to be very simple creatures!

With all due respect toward Church teaching on marriage and sexuality, it seems strange that all of the thoughts, feelings and desires required to experience the pleasurable aspects of sexual intercourse feel “dirty” or “sinful”… Perhaps this whole concept of “lust” needs to be more clearly defined by the church?

I have even heard catholic commentators encourage catholic couples to pray together before having sex. Maybe I’m just crazy, but of all the things in life that can get those fires burning in the hearts, minds and loins of a couple who are about to engage in intercourse, prayer is NOT one of them! Sex is a gift from God and prayer is perhaps one of the most important things we can do in life, but it might be one of the last things I want to think about before intercourse.

I’ll save my prayer time for the morning, afternoon and early evening… thanking God for the gift of intimacy.

Does anyone else find this stuff puzzling?

 

[teachccd]

I find it quite puzzling that you wouldn’t find the entire act of intimacy with your wife a prayer. Yes, I too am a man and I do not deny the experience as you describe but again we are not animals. During the marital embrace we still hold our consciousness and can either think lustful thoughts or thoughts that make this wonderful gift a prayer of thanksgiving.

When we receive the Eucharist as Mass we have the same intimacy with our Lord. That uniting of beings in the marital embrace is the same uniting we have with our Lord.

Prayer is not “set aside times” whereby we cannot do two things at the same time. Yes, devotional prayer and private times for prayer are very important but we must realize that our lives should be lived as a prayer. The interruptions of that prayer are what we would call sin. So when we are with our wives enjoying the gift that was created by God Himself, that becomes part of our prayer. Like everything else in life, we choose to either glorify God in our actions or reject God. He is always with us, at every moment in our lives. Even then…so next time see your wife as the beauty that God blessed you with and be with her accordingly.

And I just want to remind you that I am not living in a fantasy world. I have been married for 27 years and my bride is a gift that I am thankful for every moment and especially when we share those moments where we become one…God Bless…teachccd

 

[Mattapoisett64]

As a husband and wife relax for the evening of romance, they might sit in front of the fireplace and share their hearts and minds in a most truly meaning and intimate way. But as the evening progresses and the passionate desires take over, the focus tends to shift toward the physical. For men, highly so. For us guys in particular, the pleasurable aspect of physical intimacy is strongly linked to the look and feel of her physical beauty and form during this intimate exchange we call sexual intercourse. This is not to exclude feelings of deep love and respect for the woman, it’s just that the physical tends to dominate. For women, the pleasure is highly physical as well, but might tend to be a bit more emotional… and thoughtfully intelligent.

In short, during the intimacy of sex, us guys tend to be very simple creatures!

With all due respect toward Church teaching on marriage and sexuality, it seems strange that all of the thoughts, feelings and desires required to experience the pleasurable aspects of sexual intercourse feel “dirty” or “sinful”… Perhaps this whole concept of “lust” needs to be more clearly defined by the church?

I have even heard catholic commentators encourage catholic couples to pray together before having sex. Maybe I’m just crazy, but of all the things in life that can get those fires burning in the hearts, minds and loins of a couple who are about to engage in intercourse, prayer is NOT one of them! Sex is a gift from God and prayer is perhaps one of the most important things we can do in life, but it might be one of the last things I want to think about before intercourse.

I’ll save my prayer time for the morning, afternoon and early evening… thanking God for the gift of intimacy.

Does anyone else find this stuff puzzling?

My experience and reaction is very similar to yours. There’s prayer, and then there’s “prayer.” Yes, our whole life and each day’s actions should be a prayer, but an actual, formal prayer before intimacy . . . that somehow feels “wrong” to me (tho’ I know it isn’t). I too would experience it as a “mood-breaker,” I think.

In 62 years of New England Catholicism, including 16 years of Catholic schools/college, I have never directly, personally experienced any clergy teaching that intimacy in marriage was a “good.” I was in my 50’s before I ever read anything that stated it was morally acceptable to enjoy physical pleasure in marriage (as opposed to it being something to feel guilty about). Part of the problem has always seemed to me that the church has trouble in distinguishing Lust from Arousal. Before marriage, it’s all lust. Even after marriage, Lust remains a sin, because Lust is defined as a disordered desire. Arousal is OK, because that’s supposed to be ordered toward your spouse. But to a male especially, I think most of us have a more pedestrian definition in that Arousal and Lust - which we tend to think of as being “turned-on” - in effect, are the same thing. And no, I’m not saying that “objectifying” one’s spouse is OK. I think many males’ definition of Lust is just “sexual energy.”

In an environment such as I experienced in which the prevailing mindset seemed to be that God just “looks the other way” when a couple is intimate, beginning with a prayer certainly does seem out of place. And that’s certainly how I was taught. Maybe future generations will experience a more healthy, integrated teaching on all this.

 

[StCsDavid]

I dunno, praying before sex seemed to work out okay for Tobit. And how about the Song of Songs, which is a wonderful prayer of love and making love. Still, to each his own. It’s often difficult to get past the cultural bias that separates sex into the purely physical negating its spiritual attributes. We are ensouled creations of God. How does one parse the soul away from the body for this one activity?

 

[fivegoldenrings]

H, All!
I’m a Natural Family Planning instructor, and so I’m interested in this topic, but I am not sure I understand what the question is, or if there is a question at all. We are not required to pray before engaging in sexual intimacy. Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” is an extremely beautiful and far-reaching work, and can answer any question you have about sexual morality. But as far as having to pray before sexual intercourse, I can’t say I ever read about that one! Love your spouse, and just have fun!

 

[DebChris]

I dunno, praying before sex seemed to work out okay for Tobit. And how about the Song of Songs, which is a wonderful prayer of love and making love. Still, to each his own. It’s often difficult to get past the cultural bias that separates sex into the purely physical negating its spiritual attributes. We are ensouled creations of God. How does one parse the soul away from the body for this one activity?

I too was going to mention the example of Tobit.
Marriage is a Sacrament. It is through the conjugal act that life, that gift was God comes. See also the Book of Proverbs in which “the way of a man with a woman” is described as too wonderful to behold.
Prayer is one way to reinforce the reality that this conjugal act is indeed sacred, belonging solely between a man and his wife.
Would not prayer remove the act from mere physical lust to the act of intimacy that it is meant to be?

 

[TLDenmark]

If sex is an expression of a true and fruitful love, is it not a sort of prayer in itself. Maybe not in words, but in its essence. After all God is Love, and without God there can be no true love. Is that not one of the main reason why sexual sins are considered to be as serious as they are?

God bless you
TL