Praying for enemies. How's it work?

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Lillith

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Recently I went to confession and did confess my intense dislike for my ex-husband’s wife. Father told me I must pray for her, and I understand that Jesus told us to do this also. I just don’t know how it works when the entire time I am praying for her I am angry with her at the same time! God knows my heart, and he might appreciate my efforts, but it feels like fake prayer.

She and my ex H started an affair while we were still married. That is not the crux of my anger though. She does not like my children and has made them to feel uncomfortable while they visit their father. I do not understand this person at all. When they married my little babies were only 9mths old and four years old…they are now 12 and 16, and they have told me that she is like a stranger to them. My 12 yr. old almost choked on a steak she was eating because she told me she wasn’t comfortable enough to spit it out in front of her.:eek:

I know this is the key to my own peace of mind. It is more for me than for her but when someone is doing something on an ongoing every-other weekend basis that completely angers you, how in the world do you forgive constantly, and pray effectively? How does that work?
 
Honesty in prayer to God.

Just lay it out there…and say God I’m angry with _____; yet I know I should forgive them. Please help me to let go of this anger so I can forgive.

Also Lord, I pray that they are happy, that their prayers are answered, I pray that they ________ (whatever it is they need).

You may have to force yourself to say this prayer, however if you say it every day, you do get to the point where you really mean it and no longer holding anger towards the person.
 
That’s logical Mommyof two…

Talk about a hard work…I hope your right and it becomes easier.
 
“Love your enemies and pray for your persecutors” was such an easy teaching when it was abstract. But then ~5 years ago, I acquired some actual enemeis. 😦

That I have been able to forgive them, if not reconcile with them, I attribute to my Franciscan schooling and frequent recitation of the Peace Prayer. I still frequently pray for them, either simply commending them to the care of their patron saints, or to the Divine Mercy, calling them to mind and praying “Convert their hearts; Have mercy on them and on the whole world.”

I wish you peace and prayer for your enemy,
tee
 
Lillith said:
That’s logical Mommyof two…

Talk about a hard work…I hope your right and it becomes easier.
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It does! I have offered those type of prayers before and still do :o

Honesty with God is the best! He already knows the truth, so you might as well be forth coming.

When I start I say, okay God, I’m angry with _______; you know why I’m angey so we don’t need to go there. I don’t want to be angry with _________ so I’m going to ask that you help take this anger away so I can forgive them. In the mean time, I do pray that they are happy. I do pray that you do grant them this _________.

The key is once a day every day, until the anger is gone… The first couple of days is hard, but it does get easier. After the anger is gone, I just pray that they are happy and that they recieve blessing from God for their needs.
 
Wow. Praying for your enemies especially when they effect your children is hard. You have no easy task in front of you, nor do your children.

This is about keeping your kids feeling safe and protecting them from emotional trauma. The ex’s wife is not behaving in a Christian way, and she is certainly reaping from her sinful actions. Unfortunately, the kids are bearing the brunt.

Based on what you have said, I gather that she is like this with everyone, and that she probably doesn’t have very many friends. Those that she does have are held at a distance.

I would pray for grace to pray for her, for your kids’ guardian angels to protect them when they visit (if they have to see her). I would pray for the love of Christ to be reflected in you and that compassion flows for her and the whole situation.

There will probably be days when you feel like you are back-pedaling, but remember that Satan is at work. You are still dealing with a child of God, just a very sinful one who is hard to deal with.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
 
Lydilos…

Yes…It has been easier for me to forgive my ex-husband than it has been this Lady. Her actions have affected His visitation…now that the children are older, they use any excuse not to visit with him due to her behavior. Sleepovers happen a lot on “his weekend”…I did tell him how they felt, he is aware, and I know hurt, but for some reason unable to fix the problem. You are so right when you say she is this way with everyone, it is true. That is what I remind my children constantly of when they visit…she cannot help herself, she is mentally ill…it isn’t your fault.

Thank you for your prayers…nice to meet you too!
 
Lillith,

From your post stating the ages of your children before and after, it looks as though you have been carrying this burden for approx. twelve years. You are still wounded. After this length of time, and still being caught in the trauma of visitations, my advice would be to let go and turn it over to God, whose power to intervene in the situation is unlimited, all-knowing, and all merciful to all concerned.

Forcing your prayer to “love and forgive” her is not called for beyond your strength. Maybe you could change your prayer to this one:
Help me to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, and to accomplish all of this according to your Will.

You will be interacting with this “couple” as long as you both are parents and the courts provide for visitation. Learn what it is you can do to at least obtain peace of heart, and protect your children’s impressionable minds. As long as you will to forgive, the feelings that rise up into your throat with pounding vexation, are just “feelings” … not reality of what your will has decided. It takes a long time for the emotional self to heal, especially when you are confronted with this on a continuing basis.

God is working in the background, and He will give you an answer to help you cope. Listen for that still quiet voice within.

Christ’s peace be with you.
 
Joysong said:
Lillith,

From your post stating the ages of your children before and after, it looks as though you have been carrying this burden for approx. twelve years. You are still wounded. After this length of time, and still being caught in the trauma of visitations, my advice would be to let go and turn it over to God, whose power to intervene in the situation is unlimited, all-knowing, and all merciful to all concerned.

Forcing your prayer to “love and forgive” her is not called for beyond your strength. Maybe you could change your prayer to this one:
I]Help me to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, and to accomplish all of this according to your Will.
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You will be interacting with this “couple” as long as you both are parents and the courts provide for visitation. Learn what it is you can do to at least obtain peace of heart, and protect your children’s impressionable minds. As long as you will to forgive, the feelings that rise up into your throat with pounding vexation, are just “feelings” … not reality of what your will has decided. It takes a long time for the emotional self to heal, especially when you are confronted with this on a continuing basis.

God is working in the background, and He will give you an answer to help you cope. Listen for that still quiet voice within.

Christ’s peace be with you.

exactly she can’t change the women…but she can change her feelings towards the women. However, those feelings will not change if she doesn’t have help from God. God’s will is that we love our enemies.
 
Joysong said:
Lillith,

From your post stating the ages of your children before and after, it looks as though you have been carrying this burden for approx. twelve years. You are still wounded. After this length of time, and still being caught in the trauma of visitations, my advice would be to let go and turn it over to God, whose power to intervene in the situation is unlimited, all-knowing, and all merciful to all concerned.

Forcing your prayer to “love and forgive” her is not called for beyond your strength. Maybe you could change your prayer to this one:
Help me to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, and to accomplish all of this according to your Will.

You will be interacting with this “couple” as long as you both are parents and the courts provide for visitation. Learn what it is you can do to at least obtain peace of heart, and protect your children’s impressionable minds. As long as you will to forgive, the feelings that rise up into your throat with pounding vexation, are just “feelings” … not reality of what your will has decided. It takes a long time for the emotional self to heal, especially when you are confronted with this on a continuing basis.

God is working in the background, and He will give you an answer to help you cope. Listen for that still quiet voice within.

Christ’s peace be with you.
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That is a beautiful response you wrote joysong…thank you for that.

Throughout the day I have been pondering this, and I have already used the suggestions that I am getting here. Thank you to everyone…and to anyone who is reading keep up the suggestions and inspiration…I need all that I can get.

I had the thought that maybe I should pray that this person open up her heart to Love my children. They are really very cute, bright girls and a joy to me…I just do not understand what has held her back…Jealousy I suppose. When I think that she had them when they were just infants really and the opportunity that she threw away to bond with them…It blows my mind. But see…that Is my problem here…I am spending too much time trying to understand why. That just leads to frustration.😦
 
Lillith said:
That is a beautiful response you wrote joysong…thank you for that.

Throughout the day I have been pondering this, and I have already used the suggestions that I am getting here. Thank you to everyone…and to anyone who is reading keep up the suggestions and inspiration…I need all that I can get.

**I had the thought that maybe I should pray that this person open up her heart to Love my children. ** They are really very cute, bright girls and a joy to me…I just do not understand what has held her back…Jealousy I suppose. When I think that she had them when they were just infants really and the opportunity that she threw away to bond with them…It blows my mind. But see…that Is my problem here…I am spending too much time trying to understand why. That just leads to frustration.😦
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Don’t ponder why she’s doesn’t. However praying that she opens up to have love… is a good idea. It very well could be something that she needs. Just keep praying. God Bless you and your girls.
 
What a dilemma… no doubt the “lady” who broke up the marriage has guilty feelings and I’m sure the children resent her having disrupted their lives. My guess is that the children are not very friendly to the interloper and that is perfectly natural. And very likely the “lady” (she’e really no lady, but for lack of any other designation) senses the animosity. She probably expects the kids to treat her like their mom, which of course, she is not.

Anyone who breaks up a marriage has questionable morals and questionable judgement to begin with, and since I can’t say anything nice about such a person, I won’t say anything at all.

Prayer on how to forgive this person are may be the only way to deal with this. What may help is to talk to the kids and see if they can change their attitude from resentment to pity. The interloper very likely doesn’t have many friends. She has sold her soul to something evil and probably has trouble convincing herself that she is a decent person, which she is not.

Odds are, she is in deep denial, having already talked herself into thinking that it was okay for her to break up a family. Maybe by treating her with a more friendly attitude, it will make her realize that she is a real sleaze ball and did a great injustice to you and your family.

Seeing the kids every couple of weeks reminds her that she is the cause of destroying your family. I’m sure it makes her feel very uncomfortable (and it should). But if the kids can get over (or ignore) their resentment towards her, they may be able to change her attitude towards them.

They probably should let her know up front that their being nice does not in any way mean they are forgiving her for breaking up the family (like it is some sort of acceptance). She should never fell like what she did was right.

Anyway it looks like what you’ve been going through has not worked, so some other tact may help… just some random thoughts.

When dealing with difficult people, we tend to run through the same process and wonder why we get the same negative reactions. It may be time to try something else and see if you can get better results.
 
This is a hard one: Heavenly Father, I am praying that you make this enemy holy. Make her so holy that I will long to sit at her feet and learn from her how to love you better.

That prayer leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. But, I think it is a very good prayer to pray for someone.

Also, ask God to show you how He sees this person. One time I was on an internal monologue about a certain woman. In the middle of my listing of how horrible this person was, I stopped and asked God how he saw this lady. I heard, “she is my beloved daughter.”

That blew me away.
 
Yes, sometimes it is hard to imagine that our enemies may some day join us in Heaven. Often times, we can not understand why or how they can be so dispicable to us in particular, but they may just have a character flaw when it only comes to dealing with us. They may otherwise be very decent folks.

Maybe we just rub them the wrong way. My family is involved in a law suite and we just can not understand how our adversaries can treat us so poorly, and judge us so harsely. It is difficult to see things from their perspective. Their arguments seem to be unfounded and non-sensical. But I imagine they are loving to their friends and kids and some folks think they are wonderful people.

We of course think their actions are monsterous and evil, but I suppose they think the same about us. Our prayer is that God will somehow open their hearts to the Truth but again, it could be that they may be saying the same prayer. We just hope and pray the jury sees things our way, but the opposition probably does the same.
 
When we pray for others, even though we may be telling God we find it difficult to pray for them, gradually, it does get easier and eventually we are the lucky one’s who end up getting healed.
 
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